How do you handle annoying people at church?

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by TexasSky, Aug 11, 2005.

  1. TexasSky

    TexasSky
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    I have a wonderful church, and I would love to participate in several of the programs that the church offers, but there is this one woman who just grates on my nerves who seems to take charge of these programs.

    We got off on a bad foot the first time I ever met her. I was new to the church. Had just suffered a divorce I tried desperately NOT to have, and was determined to repair my marriage the minute God showed me how. She and her husband volunteered to substitute for my Sunday School teacher. The class was for adult singles. Some were widows, some were never married, some were like myself. The first words out of their mouths were that they were thrilled they could help us find mates so we wouldn't be old maids forever.

    It was so wrong on so many levels I didn't even know what to say. I literally had to pray for God to give me strength not to just walk out at that moment.

    I haven't liked her since then.

    I have prayed about it.
    I've asked forgiveness for my attitude, but it was the first of many similar remarks, and it seems the minute I forgive one, another comes up.

    I heard about a program for youth which is something I did for years, so I attended the planning session. Everytime someone made a suggestion she would say, "No. That's not how we're going to do it. I've run this for years. I know what needs to be done."

    I've tried to attend a few things even though I know she is taking it over, but .. I catch myself just gritting my teeth.

    So, how do you handle that?
     
  2. bruren777

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    Hi TexasSky,
    It's interesting, we have a wonderful church also, but there is a women who is very strong willed and wants things done her way, and not willing to compromise I have a very hard time dealing with her. I need to pray for acceptance of God's will.
    I was actually going to leave the church, but have decided to stay for now.
    I'm trying to forgive her, it's hard and I know what God say's. If I don't forgive her, He can't forgive me.

    Pray for God's direction, I also will pray for you.

    Let's make a deal I'll pray for you and you pray for me.

    God Bless,
    [​IMG] [​IMG] :D :cool: [​IMG]
     
  3. TexasSky

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    Deal!

    And God bless! [​IMG]
     
  4. guitarpreacher

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    Topic: How do you handle annoying people at church?

    Well, I tend to just naturally be an annoying person, so church is no different than anyplace else. I annoy people just by being myself.

    O wait, did you mean people who annoy you?
     
  5. Songbird

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    Oy Vey!!! I am dealing w/someone like that now. She's the coordinator of our Women's Conference in Sept. and I'm on the planning committee--organizing the music/drama segment. She pounces on me every week w/a new change or something added to my list. I actually dread seeing her at church and literally run for the door when it's over so she I can avoid her. Sad, but true.

    Wish I had a answer--mine is the coward's way out--RUN THE OTHER WAY! lol Oh, and PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!

    Take care.

    Linda
     
  6. Jeffrey H

    Jeffrey H
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    I would not like her either and you're justified in your feelings. Did you share with her how her remarks were insensitive and hurt your feelings?
     
  7. Jeffrey H

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    We have people like that at my church, except they have a way of saying it that is subtle and indirect. At least she comes right out and says what she means.

    With comments like that, you could politely ask her "why do we need to have these meetings if you know what needs to be done? If your mind is made up, what is the point of us sharing with you anything about this project?"
     
  8. APuritanMindset

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    Punch them in the face [​IMG]


    [​IMG]
     
  9. Songbird

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    Oh, I'd seriously think about slapping her for the old maid remark. I was single until I was 39 and got tired of everyone feeling sorry for me. Single people have gifts and abilities to use as well as married. Being married makes you no more qualified to serve the Lord.

    But.... I guess prayer is better than physical harm...
     
  10. RightFromWrong

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    Hi Texassky I know how you feel been there done that :(

    The one solution that comes to mind is Matt. 18

    I know this is hard for most people, although not for me. I have no problem talking to people if I feel they have wronged me or said something I may have taken wrong.

    Confrontation is a good thing if the goal is to better ones relationship and to have a better understanding of others and their motives. Some times we perceive what people say wrong so I want to make sure I heard right. I am not one to hold grudges or not like people. So relationships are very important especially within the body.

    Anyway try to talk to her one on one with an open and loving spirit. If that doesn't work try to find a neutral person, if that doesn't work then go to the Pastor. I feel this is very important since that is what God would want.

    1 Cor. 11 is very clear about making things right with people in or out of the church before we partake in communion. If we take in an unworthy manner we are quilty of the body of the blood of the Lord.
     
  11. Artimaeus

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    Try finding someone who you both respect and have them talk with her. She is more apt to respond to someone she respects than to you, if you have not yet developed such a realationship. Some people are just naturally go-getters and don't even realize that they are running roughshod over other people. Since she is a member of the church, the odds are that she does care about people and their relationship to her. Perhaps she is just unaware of her need to develop better people skills. I was told once by a friend at work that I was doing something that was annoying (they were right). If someone who wasn't a friend had told me the same thing for exactly the same reason I probably would not have reacted the same. I appreciated (after a brief time of irritation) the constructive criticism and have made a real effort not to be so annoying and have even more respect for my friend.

    Pro 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
     
  12. RightFromWrong

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    Artimaeus

    You said alot of good things. I would be careful though to start off going to others not involved right away. I believe Matt 18 was written in such a way that would be more effective. I agree with your point on having someone there who she may respect more... but maybe use that person for the next step if the one on one approach didn't work.

    Heres why. We need to be careful not to " GOSSIP"
    I am very careful in this area, if I have a problem with someone it is MY job and responsibility to go to that person first. Going to someone else before I do, that can easly be gossip.

    Just something to think about [​IMG]
     
  13. Rachel

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    One of my problems is people in general tend to annoy me. lol I'm working on that. :cool:
    Here is something I got in email and just read, I figured I would post it here. I'm not sure what I think about all of it, but here goes...

    Sandpaper People: How to Love Abrasive Souls God's Way
    Mary Southerland

    We live in a world that hoards a myriad of problems. However, you will be thrilled to know that I have discovered the biggest problem of all - people! In my opinion, if there were fewer people, there would definitely be fewer problems.

    Let's be honest! Some people are more difficult to get along with than others; they "rub" us the wrong way! I call them "Sandpaper People." Sandpaper people come in all shapes, sizes and colors and sometimes they are us! We try to change them, run from them, ignore them and even take a stab at fixing them. If only it were that simple. It rarely is.

    Getting along with sandpaper people requires a new point of view, seeing them as God sees them. We cannot base love on feelings, but on God's love released by choices we make in dealing with sandpaper people.

    * Choose love. Ephesians 2:10 "We are God's workmanship."

    The artist came to the park every day when the light was just right, positioning his easel and paints under the same familiar shade tree. For hours, he watched people strolling by, searching for just the right face to paint. A beggar sitting across the path caught his eye. Thinking of God's handiwork in every human being, the artist resolved to paint the man as he imagined he could be. With the last stroke, the artist breathed a sigh of satisfaction. It was done. And it was some of his best work. The artist then called the beggar over to see the painting. "Is that me?' the beggar asked. "That is the "you" I see!" replied the artist. The beggar stared at the painting, and with tears in his eyes, softly spoke, "If that's the man you see in me, then that's the man I shall be!"

    Sandpaper people desperately need someone who will look beyond their abrasive behavior to recognize their worth. Sandpaper people have allowed someone or something to assign an identity to them that is false. As a result, they live a life they were never intended to live, bound to an unhealthy self-image, having no concept of who they really are or what they can become.

    Desperate to fit in, they try on different identities like trying on new clothes, wondering why none of them fit. Sandpaper people fail to understand that their identity was established before the world began, in the heart and mind of God. That's where we come in.

    When we make the deliberate choice to love a sandpaper person, we are inviting God to work in us and through us to bring about change; to create His image in us so we can then see His image in others. Difficult relationships find it hard to survive in an atmosphere of love because stubborn wills yield to love as the worth of a soul is recognized and valued.

    * Choose encouragement. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Encourage one another."

    If you want to disarm a sandpaper person, become their cheerleader! By focusing on their good points, your perspective of that person will change. Other people's perspective of that person will change and even that person's own perspective will change.

    In second grade, my son, Jered, had a classmate, Kyle, who qualified as a first class sandpaper person. One Monday morning, Kyle came to school with both arms in a cast from wrist to elbow. The teacher explained that Kyle would need a friend to help him do class work, eat lunch, go to the restroom, and in short, be his personal slave for eight weeks.

    In the silent, tension-filled classroom, it seemed as if everyone was holding their breath, hoping Kyle would somehow disappear. He didn't. Disappointment clouded the teacher's face until Jered said, "I'll do it, Miss Chism." A sigh of relief erupted as everyone stared at Jered in gratitude, unable to understand why he would link himself to this abrasive kid, but clearly glad he had.

    Over the next few weeks, Jered discovered that Kyle wasn't so bad after all. In fact, they became friends. Then Kyle's behavior began to change. The other children, watching this unlikely friendship unfold, surmised that if Jered liked the sandpaper boy, there must be something worth liking. After eight weeks, the class of now-wiser children included Kyle in every activity. When the casts came off, so did the old sandpaper person. All he needed was a cheerleader. Maybe that's all your sandpaper person needs.

    * Choose thankfulness. Philippians 4: 6b "Always be thankful, for this is God's will."

    Choosing to be thankful for sandpaper people is one of the most important choices we can make, as well as one of the most difficult choices we must make to bring any measure of health to the relationship. Thankfulness is a foreign language to sandpaper people, their native tongue criticism and displeasure. The last thing any sandpaper person expects to encounter is an attitude of thankfulness. Yet, it is the first step God commands us to take.

    Right now, begin thanking God for allowing you to experience pain at the hand of a sandpaper person. Praise Him for the shattered dreams and crushed hopes that have come as the result of a difficult relationship. Trust Him to take what the enemy meant for bad and use it for good in your life. If you want to experience victory in your most difficult relationships, thank God for each and every one.

    Sandpaper people are not only a reality of life, but opportunities from the heart of God. God uses difficult relationships in my life as catalysts through which He lovingly upsets my comfortable plans and purposefully redirects my safe and sound steps. Every relationship, difficult or easy, is wrapped in God's love, faithfully delivered with His permission and wrapped in His plan.

    The world is watching, as is every sandpaper person in our lives, pushing every limit to see how we will respond. It is through these difficult relationships that we grow and mature in Christ. The rough edges fall away as we welcome the lessons sandpaper people bring.

    Taken from Mary Southerland's newest book, "Sandpaper People" to be released July 2005 by Harvest House Publishers. Mary is a pastor's wife, mother of two, author, speaker and founder of Journey Ministry Inc.
     
  14. TexasSky

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    Thank you all. These are all good suggestions.
     
  15. Andy T.

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    Does anyone else see the irony of this post in the context of the OP? Or is it just me? Maybe RightFromWrong intended it to be ironic?
     
  16. RightFromWrong

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    Andy, no my resonce had nothing to do with the original post. I was just responding to what
    Artimaeus said. Please do not read into something that isn't there. Not only that, that isn't my style.

    Writing on a message board for help is not gossip. Give me a break :rolleyes:
     
  17. Andy T.

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    It's not? Why not? Thousands of people read these messages. We need to be careful in how much detail we provide in our posts. A good question to ask - "If a member of my church reads this post, will they know who/what I am talking about?" If the answer to that is yes, then we may have crossed the line into gossip already (assuming the post is of a personal matter).
     
  18. TexasSky

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    Andy,

    If a member of Right From Wrong's church read that post and instantly knew who they were talking about it, it would just confirm that Right from Wrong rightly labeled the person. RFW gave no specifics.
     
  19. RightFromWrong

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    What a minute did I miss something?

    I never gave any personal examples !

    TexasSky I believe Andy was saying that you were gossiping from your original post not me.

    Where did that come from ?

    And no Andy Texassky did NOT gossip ! for one he/she never said the persons name so no ones knows who he/she is talking about. Just follow the advice I gave, I think you'll do just fine.
     
  20. Scarlett O.

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    Back to the topic at hand.....

    Being 43 and not married, her comment would have sent me into orbit!!

    Here is a lesson that I have learned painfully over the years.

    If someone says something that is stupid, whether they say it mean-spiritedly or out of ignorance, then you have some options.

    Here they are:

    1. Let it roll off of your back and consider the source. The Bible says that "it is to a man's glory if he overlooks an offense." Don't repeat the comment and move on with your life and never dwell on it again.

    2. If it pained you or is something that needs to be addressed, then address it quickly. There would have been nothing wrong with you saying in the class, "Wait just a minute...I don't consider myself an old maid and really don't appreciate being called one in Bible class."

    3. Or address it quickly, but in private. You could have spoken to her after class or after church. Telling someone that something that they said was hurtful is not hard to to nor is it whining. She would have probably stuttered and stammered, but you could have put her at ease by saying that you were not going to hold it against her and by smiling and giving her a hug.

    The fourth option is what most of us do and is NOT the way to go.

    I've gone here many times, unfortunately.

    4. Don't let it out in the open because you don't want to "make waves". Think about it often and every time you see her, get angry ALL over again. Let her words, that she has forgotten take control over you.

    I can't advise number 4.

    Just remember. If you are not going to address it quickly (within a day or two), then let it go and move on.

    What hurts too many people is pent-up anger. We stay fuming over things that just aren't worth it. We turn molehills into mountains.

    We stay angry for days, months, and even years while the person who offended us has NO idea and has long since been skip-a-dee-do-dahing down life's road.

    Address it with her before the weekend is over or forget it forever.

    I'm not admonishing you. I'm trying to prevent you from enduring what I have endured because of pent-up anger at people.

    Peace-
    Scarlett O.
    <><
     

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