I Just Need To Talk!

Discussion in '2004 Archive' started by Eugenia, Jan 3, 2004.

  1. Eugenia

    Eugenia
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    My friends, I am so blessed. I know that Jesus died on the cross for all of our sins and was raised up from the dead on the third day that we might have forgiveness of our sins and have eternal life. I have belonged to the same church since i was 11 or so in the town where i was born and raised. I was raised a Baptist. I have not been to that church in a very long time because I got tired of trying so hard to get more people in that church and no one trying to help do this, got tired of all the crying and whineing, got tired of the singing with no energy at all. I just plain got enough. Well, my husband became very sick this past April and was in and out of the hospital all summer long. The preacher called a couple of times and lives only 3 1/2 miles from me and never once came to the house. Then he came one time to the hospital during all of my husbands stays. He knew the one time that he came to the hospital that my husband was extremely ill. He knew that my husband had a malignant pleural effusion and lung cancer. My husband passed away September 30, 2003. The preacher called the next day and said that he had heard what happened and said he was sorry and i said i know. He said well you do not want to hear what ihave to say right now and i said what might that be??????? He said you are much better off and so is he. I said you are right i do not want to hear that and i have to go. I started going to another Baptist church in the area after my husband passed and now i have not been there for a month which they don't care either. I feel like a 58 year old lost soul looking for where it is that I belong. Have some questions to ask on another matter. Will post again later. Eugenia
     
  2. TWade

    TWade
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    Hello Eugenia,

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I pray that our Lord will give you comfort and peace during this time of separation from your husband.

    Remember, there is One who sticketh closer than a brother. If there is anything I can do, please feel free to PM.

    Tom

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  3. Eugenia

    Eugenia
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    Thanks so much Tom. I appreciate hearing from you. It has been so very hard. I miss this man so much. I have known him for 44 years and was married to him for 35 years. I feel like my whole life has passed away. I know that he is with God now and probably singing with the best. I have only one person that if i feel that i can talk to about religion and that is the chaplain from the hospital. She was a God sent for my husband and me through the whole thing. I had her to preach the funeral. I have been attending a group support at the hospital and she is the head of it so that is a big help to me. Thanks again, Eugenia
     
  4. Trotter

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    Eugenia,

    God bless you, sister. I am so sorry for your loss, and so soory to hear of your church situation. The loss of your husband of so many years is something that I have never experienced, but I do know that your pain is real, and deep. I will be praying for you.

    I do not understand the behavior of your then pastor. While I do not know the whole circumstances, I do know that you were in deep spiritual need, and that need was not met. I do know your feeling of being a lost soul, though. I lost my sister a few years back, and became a ship without a sail. Thankfully, God brought me back to His harbor.

    You have my deepest sympathies.

    In Christ,
    Trotter
     
  5. TWade

    TWade
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    Take all the time you need to grieve. It is very difficult to live with the loss of a loved one. Take your time. Keep your eyes and heart fixed on Heaven. You have treasure there. Your husband has attained what we all strive for. He has what we all hope for. You will be together again someday and there will be no more separation, pain or tears.

    May God bless you and comfort you.

    Tom
     
  6. Eugenia

    Eugenia
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    I lost my mother September 30, 1978, my dad October 1985, my brother March 1995, and now my husband Sept. 30, 2003. I thought the world shoud stop when i lost my mother but it did not. When i lost my dad, it was very much on the order of when i lost my mother. When i lost my brother, i thought i would go out of my mind. He was only 37 years old and i was 12 years older than him so not only sister and brother love but i think a type of mother love too. My brother death certificate said morbid obesty and congestive heart failure and here i stand 5' 7 1/2" and weigh 125lb. But you see i always had Larry with me and now he is gone, he was my whole life. Thanks for everything, Eugenia
     
  7. Thankful

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    Eugenia, I am so sorry for your loss and I am praying for you. I can certainly identify with what you are going through. My first husband of 34 years died 11 years ago and I felt so lost, empty and like half a person. I felt as if I had lost my identify.

    I joined a new church because I moved and I actually threw myself into working at the church. I was so busy I could not think of my loss. I was there every time the doors opened. I played the piano, I played the organ, I sang in the choir when we used recorded music. I taught a Sunday School Class....This is the way I got through that time. There was one dear lady who became my friend...She didn't understand, but she knew I needed a friend. I believe God placed her in my life at the time I needed a friend. She is still a dear friend to this day.

    I am so happy that you have found a grief support group. My suggestion would be to give your new church a chance. Many people do not understand what you are going through. Sometimes it seems that they do not care because they are dealing with problems of their own.

    I got through this difficult time remembering the words of my mother: "God loves you and He will take care of you". Rely on those words and that promise and He will send people into your life that will help you in this time of sorrow.

    Betty
     
  8. Helen

    Helen
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    Hi Eugenia,

    The first year is the hardest. You can brace for the 'big' occasions like Christmas and such, but those small, little moments like hearing a special tune when you are going through the grocery store, will hit you hard. You will never lose that hole in your heart that is 'husband shaped', but in time it will quit bleeding.

    If you did not feel such pain right now, it would be a testimony to a lack of love you had. But you had love. You feel the pain. It is, actually, a tribute to the life you had together. He must have been a very special man.

    Time helps. Looking constantly to the Lord is really important. And that group that understands your pain is important, too. But on the group -- only for awhile. Some people make a life of grief and they can really drag you down. When you feel that happening -- when the drag down exceeds the lift up -- quit the group; you will be ready to then.

    Gradually, especially this spring as things start growing and blooming again and the sky brightens, allow your spirit to brighten a little with it. It is not your duty to always mourn, even though you must for awhile. But this spring clean up stuff and find something -- maybe just little at first -- to get involved in whether at church or in the community or just with a close group of friends. Something new. Something different. Not big. Not startling. Just something.

    God bless you big!

    Helen
     
  9. Precepts

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    Don't worry Sister,

    God's got a church for you, just as He's got the Saviour for you. I know first hand how hard it is to look for the "right" church, but be assured, God's got a people who will love you, care for you, and help you through. The Lord has always taken care of widows and He will take care of you.

    Find your comfort in the Friend that sticketh closer than a brother, and rest assured He will stick real close to you.

    Finding other ladies who have experienced the same loss is a place to find encouragement and strength, and very possibly find the right church.

    Brother Ricky
     

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