I need Advice From godly men....

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Jon, May 6, 2006.

  1. Jon

    Jon
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    Hello my name is Jon. I am 22 and I figure God willing 5 years I will be close to getting married. I want to start learning now how to be the husband I need to be. If any of you could please offer me some advice such as principals from God's Word to start applying now. And just things I need to work on ..I have seen different marriages and I understand there cant be a perfect marriage but I would love to know things that I can start living out now that will me me what I need to be for the future mrs. Thanks for any help-God bless
     
  2. J.R.Maddox

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    here is one...

    Happy Wife...Happy Life...

    J
     
  3. NateT

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    I'd recommend 2 books:
    1st CJ Mahaney's "Humility" - especially chapter 10
    2nd "Understanding the Mind of your Wife" by Ken Nair.

    I'd read them in that order, because even though Mahaney's was written after Nair's, he seems to offer foundational support to Nair's application.
     
  4. Rev. Lowery

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    Brother this is Ephesians 5 21-33

    21Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

    22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

    23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

    24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

    25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

    26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

    27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

    28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

    29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

    30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

    31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

    32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

    33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.


    The way to be a good husband is spelled out in these verse's if its still unclear for you let us know. The key to any marriage besides the above is commitment.
     
  5. webdog

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    Jon, I'm leading a small group study now on marriage. We are going through the Homebuilders Together in Christ study book. I would reccomend doing this study along with your future Mrs.
     
  6. J. Jump

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    Jon God's blessings to you as you seek Him! Personally I think it is funny how many thousands of book titles there are on the subject of relationships and marriages. Yet Christians have basically the same success/failure rate as non-Christians.

    I think there are some terrific books on the market, but I think they all fail to give people the key to marital success. They all say try my technique and you'll be successful. And while that may be true for a while, it will not last.

    While the principles these people teach are okay, the motive behind the principals is where hte breakdown comes. They tell you to do these things to fix your marriage or fix your relationship or to have a good relationship. If you will do x your wife will do y.

    Here is the only key that you need to make your marriage or any other relationship work. Anything and everything that you do must be done as if it was being done for Christ.

    Once you get that principal down then you can go to some of the marriage techniques and find "real" success. But if you are doing whatever it is that the latest book tells you to do to get a response from your spouse it will not last in the long run and then you'll have to buy the next book, and then the next one, and then the next one, etc.

    Take out the trash as unto Christ. Do the dishes as unto Christ. Mow the lawn as unto Christ. Buy her roses as unto Christ. Have a date night as unto Christ.

    This is the only way that you can succeed in relationships, because if you are working as unto Christ then it doesn't matter what the response is that you get from your spouse, because you weren't doing the act for them. What happens is spouses work for the response of their spouses and when they don't get the response they were looking for then they get mad, disappointed, depressed, etc.

    But if we are working as unto Christ then it doesn't matter what their repsonse is we can continue to be the spouse that God calls us to be.

    Granted this is probably the most difficult thing in the world to do because it goes against the grain of human nature, but the closer you can get to mastering it then the better your marriage or any other relationship will be.

    Hope this helps. Again God's blessings to you and to your future spouse.
     
  7. blackbird

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    I always tell couples that I am counciling for marriage that God created Adam and Eve on Day #6. On Day #7---God's Holy Day---Adam and Eve spent this day with God in Sabbath Rest! They worshipped God on this day---unreserved rest in the Lord!!

    As the Sun dawned upon Day #8---they went to work!! Adam went to work there---keeping the Garden---and Eve was a keeper at home!! And I believe with all my heart that while Adam was working in that Garden---and while Eve was working at home---they BOTH worked on their marriage. I also believe that divorce is the direct result of LAZY workers in the marriage!! If I were a Divorce Court Judge---I'd kick every one of those couples in the hind end and I'd tell 'um---get your "buns" out of my courtroom and go to work on your marriage!!! I don't want to see your faces in this room again! Understand???

    Marriage requires work---you gotta work at it and on it and in it!! Hang in there and God will bless!!

    Keys to marriage

    Key #1 Worship the Lord thy God and Him only serve!! Don't stop worshipping The Lord Jesus Christ!!

    Key #2 Work on---at--& in that marriage---don't stop working

    Blackbird
     
  8. USN2Pulpit

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    Wow - I didn't know there was anyone around that would be qualified to write a book with this title! [​IMG]
     
  9. Me4Him

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    Open yourself up to the leadership/guidance of the Holy ghost,

    be humble enough to follow it guidance even when you might prefer to go the other direction,

    in doing this, you'll find even the woman you fall in love with didn't come your way by accident,

    but is the one God wants you to marry.
     
  10. MRCoon

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    The book that has had the biggest impact on my marriage (outside the Bible) is "The 5 Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman. I wish I had read this before I had gotten married and encourage all couples to read it whether engaged or married for awhile.
     
  11. standingfirminChrist

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    Jon,

    One of the major factors is do not go seeking for a wife. God will put a woman in your path that He wants to be your mate.

    God did not tell Adam, 'I made a woman, go find her.' He made the woman and brought her to man.

    Many marriages end in divorce because man stepped out before God and married a woman that was not meant to be for him.

    When God brings that woman into your life, you will know.

    Also, once married, keep God as the center of the marriage and the home.

    Love your wife as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it.
     
  12. Jon

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    thank you every one for advice and please if any one else has advice feel free to share I am definitely going to apply what you have written. -Jon
     
  13. reformedbeliever

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    The sad fact is that you may have to look elsewhere for advice... as divorce seems to be higher among professing Christians. The key here is "professing Christians". The best advice i've read so far is about treating your spouse as Christ treats His church. If we treat our spouse as Christ has unto His church... There would be no problem with submission. Each would submit to the Lord and unto each other.
     
  14. PastorSBC1303

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    Jon, you have been given some good advice here. The only thing I would add is do everything you can to develop your heart for the Lord. Spend quality time in personal worship--prayer, meditation, singing, bible study. And be prepared to share this area of your life with your wife and grow together in your walk with the Lord.
     
  15. Ransom

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    If any of you could please offer me some advice such as principals from God's Word to start applying now.

    One thing no one in the thread has yet raised is this question, which is actually "first principles": should you get married?

    Read and meditate on 1 Corinthians 7, especially vv. 6-9 and 17-38.

    Oh - and ignore pseudo-wisdom about waiting for God to bring that "one woman he has for you" into your life. That's rubbish without Scriptural foundation. Besides, all the women are waiting for God to bring their one man into their lives. Man, by nature and by design, is made to be an initiator.
     
  16. Plain Old Bill

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    The advice from Ephesians is best ,the only things I would add would be to always be a gentleman,never speak in anger(you can't take back words once spoken)and take you wife out on dates especially after you have children.
     
  17. Jon

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    this is some amazing advice thank you keep posting would love as much as possible . Thanks again
     
  18. Jon

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    keep bringing on the advice thanks for all of it so far taking it in notebook going to apply all of it
     
  19. standingfirminChrist

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    Jon,

    The claim that 'waiting for a woman is without scriptural foundation' is untrue.

    In God's Holy Word, we read,

    Genesis 2:22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

    God brought the woman to the man. He did not tell Adam to go looking for a woman because she is out there somewhere.

    Genesis 2:22 shows firm foundation for waiting on the Lord.
     
  20. StefanM

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    SFIC...

    I think there is a big difference between Adam and a man now. There were no women before God made one for Adam. He couldn't have gone looking for one if he tried.
     

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