I thought about this today. Either you believe the things which the bible says or you don't. Either you believe that Jesus died for you and that God loves you or you don't. But in my case it was always that I wanted a personal proof from God that he loves me, that Jesus didn't just die for everybody but that he also died for me because then I can also think maybe he simply died for all but there are some which he died more for than for others. I don't know, maybe I simply don't really believe this. I mean if I believed this then shouldn't I be happy? But I'm not happy at all. To me it simply makes no sense. If God loves me so much and paid such a huge price for me then why doesn't he help me when I have problems and feel miserable? This is like giving somebody a cheque for 1 million but then you don't give him a few cents for something else. I don't understand this. In such moments I simply question God's love. I can't help. To me it makes no sense. If God simply doesn't seem to be there and if God is always silent and you needed help and don't know what to do then wouldn't you also ask yourself why? How does this fit together? If he loves me so much then why is he silent? And in these moments I think what if he doesn't care or what if he has left me and I cannot defend myself against these thoughts. I cannot simply quote a bible verse and then be happy, it doesn't work. Why doesn't God give me what I needed? I wish he would simply show me that he cares about me and let me know what he also cares about my problems but he's always silent. This can drive you crazy, it really can. :tear: If I could I would just make him say something to me but this silence is really the worst. If he at least told me what he doesn't like about me then I could at least try to work on this, but I don't know anything. I don't know what he thinks or wether he's angry or wether this silence is a punishment for something. I simply have no clue. This makes God and prayer look so powerless as if God doesn't intervene today anymore. As if God just watches everything but he doesn't do anything. I wish I would see God do something. But maybe my doubts, which I don't want to have, but I still have them, make everything only worse and God sits up there and says: "Well, I would have done something but now where he doubts me I won't. Sorry." I simply don't get it. In the bible God did miracles and intervened but when I pray I feel like everything is so senseless and it seems as if God is too powerless to do something. This is the impression which I get when I pray and ask God for help and nothing happens. I don't want to do God wrong but I am simply whacked and clueless. And then always the hoping that maybe others can help me. Maybe the mighty man of God who claims to hear God and to experience miracle after miracle but when I go to him for help what do I get? No real help. Maybe God simply doesn't want to help me, maybe this is the explanation.