I'm dating a Catholic.... help!

Discussion in '2004 Archive' started by ZeroTX, May 9, 2004.

  1. ZeroTX

    ZeroTX
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2004
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi guys,

    I'm a Christian who affiliates himself most closely with the Baptist church (specifically Southern Baptist Convention or the Baptist General Convention of Texas). I was baptized in a Baptist church around the age of 9 by my father, an ordained Baptist pastor. I grew up primarily in the Baptist church, although my father was called to be a pastor in a Congregational Methodist church for about 4 or 5 years.

    I presently attend a non-denominational church with deep roots in the Baptist faith. They choose to stay away from using "Baptist" in the name, in order to spread the Gospel to a larger number of people (from 8 to 10,000 members in 10 years and growing rapidly, with 12,000 average weekly attendance)...

    Anyway... It'd be difficult to go entirely into my background initially, but I have been dating a girl "on and off" for several months, actually over a year now, and she's a Catholic. We recently started going from "occasional" dating to very regularly dating and spending a lot of time together. I see potential... But, there are problems... The biggest of which is her Catholicism. She's a "practicing" Catholic... she's a "cradle" Catholic...

    I respect her faith immensely... but the problem is, we're starting to look "into the future"... and in that future I see a problem. I will never convert to Catholicism, because I find many of their teachings deplorable, and the entire papacy to be borderline (if not actual) evil incarnate...

    That being said, I have brought to her attention some of the history and "still on the books" law of the Catholic church, and I have basically challenged her to understand her own faith, while also learning a great amount of information myself.

    I know for her, one thing that she REALLY seems to "need" out of church is the Eucharist/Communion. She feels if she hasn't received it on a given Sunday that she is "incomplete" for that week, and even if she goes to my church, she STILL GOES TO HERS just to receive communion.

    What masterful brainwashing the Catholic Church has done... On top of this, she doesn't believe that the Lord's Supper offered at any other church is valid.... I even tried taking her to a Lutheran church, because I thought this might be a good middle ground for us... I've actually been reading a lot about Martin Luther and the Lutheran faith, and I think I could live with that... But when we went to the Lutheran church, she said she thought they didn't seem like the communion they were taking was "genuine"....

    I expressed that I thought the Catholic Church was way too "somber" (even in the "youth oriented" mass), and I thought that the Lutheran mass was much more upbeat and much more representative of the JOYOUS occasion that church and communion is supposed to be.... She didn't see the "somber-ness" of her Catholic Mass... To me, it's like a funeral.

    She's working hard to look at alternatives. She actually has told me today that she doesn't agree with a lot of Catholic teaching, and she likes a lot of the Lutheran teaching she has read. But she said she was very uncomfortable in the Lutheran church....

    On the other hand, she said she's very comfortable at MY church, a non-denom, very Baptist-rooted church with a VERY modern way of presentation (click for website)... But when she leaves there, she still has that "incomplete" feeling due to lack of the Eucharist.

    I personally think it is dispicable how the Catholic Church has brainwashed people into thinking the receiving of Communion is requisite to having a "complete" week... It's sick and demented... But, I am trying not to use such harsh language with her, else risk it appearing as if I'm making a personal attack on her...

    She also has a difficult time understanding "why" we base our faith 100% on The Bible and what's so wrong with basing it on "Church Tradition" as the Catholic Church does.... I'm having a difficult time trying to express the inherent problems with accepting Church Tradition as Gospel....

    Help... I want to evangelize to her, while not attacking her faith. I want to share a belief system with her, without converting to Catholicism. I want her to evaluate her faith on her own and decide what she really believes... not what her Priest told her to believe. What the Scriptures say, not what "Tradition" says....

    I am fairly sure if we can't get past this, the relationship, at least romantically, will have to end.... I cannot imagine a long-term relationship with a woman who isn't on the same page, or at least in the same book, when it comes to faith.

    Thanks,

    Michael
     
  2. Priscilla Ann

    Priscilla Ann
    Expand Collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2002
    Messages:
    616
    Likes Received:
    0
    Michael:

    I will keep you and your friend in my prayers. My husband and I were in the same situation 22 years ago, except that I was the "Catholic girl." There is no easy answer; however, if she is the one for you, the two of you will find a way to work it out as my husband and I did.

    In our case, my husband joined the Catholic Church when we married. Through the years of our marriage, I became curious to know more of God's Word. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I could no longer remain Catholic (for many of the same reasons that you do not wish to become Catholic). My husband, son and I left the Catholic Church in 1997, and have since attended a wonderful Baptist church in our area.

    As I said, if she is the one for you, the two of you will work this out. You are in my prayers...

    Priscilla Ann
     
  3. Johnv

    Johnv
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2001
    Messages:
    21,321
    Likes Received:
    0
    Michael, it's important the you be equally yoked. Now that doesn't mean "get her to change", it means both of you need to meet where both of you are comfortable. Perhaps there's another church that the two of you are both equally comfortable with. Perhaps a presby or reformed. Or perhaps another lutheran denom (there are several).

    The worst thing you can do is to presume that she'll drop-kick catholicism and sign up with the SBC's. If she does it of her own accord in time, more power to her. But to expect her to do it at this point, she'll likely be doing it for you, and that's not the way you want to start a relationship.

    The best suggestion is that the two of you pray about it, both individually, and as a couple. While my post sounds a bit daunting, it need not be. Consider it a personal growth process for both of you. I, and many others here, will be praying for you.
     
  4. Daniel David

    Daniel David
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2002
    Messages:
    5,316
    Likes Received:
    0
    If you are saved, you are commanded not to marry an unbeliever. Therefore, her catholicism disqualifies her. Pray she gets saved.
     
  5. tinytim

    tinytim
    Expand Collapse
    <img src =/tim2.jpg>

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2003
    Messages:
    11,250
    Likes Received:
    0
    Growing up I had a uncle that was a cradle catholic. I remember my dad witnessing to him for about 3 yrs. My uncle also wanted to know why the fuss about "tradition"
    One simple thing to point out is that God never contradicts himself. If a teaching contradicts the Bible, The teaching is wrong.

    But what finally got to my uncle was the day he read Rev. chapter 17 and 18.
    He said that it was like reading a description of his Church. And what finally did it was

    Rev 17:9 And here [is] the mind which hath wisdom. The seven heads are seven mountains, on which the woman sitteth.

    The only city on seven hills is Rome!!
    He knew about the catholic wars of the past, and equated them to the woman being drunken with blood.

    You are not in an easy situation, and I'll pray for you.
    But I believe that you must get this worked out before you can move on, and if you can't work it out you should move on.
     
  6. Johnv

    Johnv
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2001
    Messages:
    21,321
    Likes Received:
    0
    Her salvation was not at issue here. You presume that a catholic is automatically unsaved, and that's simply not the case. Go take that arguement somewhere else, as this is not the proper thread to debate that issue.
     
  7. mioque

    mioque
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2003
    Messages:
    3,899
    Likes Received:
    0
    "The only city on seven hills is Rome!!"
    Ahum... I happen to live in a city built on 7 hills that has been around since before the book of Revelations was written and I'm not living in Rome.

    "On top of this, she doesn't believe that the Lord's Supper offered at any other church is valid...."
    The doctrine of transubstantion (a.k.a ritual cannibalism in certain circles). In a sense you are out of luck, the only other churches who hold the same ideas as the Catholic Church on communion are even more far out than the RCC (Eastern Orthodoxy).
     
  8. Watchman

    Watchman
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2003
    Messages:
    2,706
    Likes Received:
    0
    Michael,
    On the Welcome board Barnabas quoted Amos 2:2, to which Dan agreed was good advice. I have come to recognize these two as very wise in their council.
    I would not want to be in your shoes. It may come down to having to make a difficult decision. If it does, I plead with you to decide on Jesus. It is He that will NEVER leave you, nor forsake you.
    It is He that knows your every need. It is He that loved us, and gave Himself for us, will He then lead us astray?
    Will be thinking of you and praying for you.
     
  9. ZeroTX

    ZeroTX
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2004
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks for the advice thus far guys.

    The funny thing is, she tells me she really likes the Baptist and Baptist-based things we go to (i.e. my church). Tonight, she's going to a non-denominational bible study provided by the largest Baptist church in town (First Baptist of Houston)... She INVITED me to this!... I didn't ask her to go. I've never even been... She says her church has something similar, but each time she's been, she's gotten nothing out of it.

    *shrug*... I'm definitely not going to pass up the opportunity... I plan to attend the bible study with her.

    She already sees things she really prefers about the Baptist churches.... I think it's getting over the brainwashing of the Catholic Eucharist that's going to be the toughest hurdle...

    I agree with you guys. If we cannot resolve this, I/we will have to move on. I didn't want to admit that at first, but I'm beginning to realize it. I'll give it a little time, but I doubt I have the patience to wait years.. I'm looking to the Lord for guidance.

    I have tried to avoid using facts that break down the Catholic Church itself. I have a book called "Unmasking Catholicism" written by a woman who was about to become a Catholic Nun. It rips them to shreds.... Though some of the factual information she uses is a tad weak (i.e. some of it seems like book filler), while other information is impossible to refute. However, even just DISCUSSING beliefs, she sometimes thinks I am "attacking" hers... So, I've not given her this book or mentioned much about the facts presented (yet).

    Thanks,

    Michael
     
  10. Dan Todd

    Dan Todd
    Expand Collapse
    Moderator
    Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2003
    Messages:
    14,452
    Likes Received:
    0
    When I was in college - and dating an unsaved girl - I asked for prayer for her salvation. (This request was a basketball practice.) Coach prayed that I would see the need to stop this relationship - and he was right!

    Dan
     
  11. pinoybaptist

    pinoybaptist
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2002
    Messages:
    8,123
    Likes Received:
    1
    by Johnv:

    why, Johnv, ole pal....we agree !! Hallelujah, praise Jehovah !
     
  12. pinoybaptist

    pinoybaptist
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2002
    Messages:
    8,123
    Likes Received:
    1
    However, though her salvation is not for us to judge, her beliefs are, and in that DD is right. The Bible says 'be ye not unequally yoked with unbelievers'.
     
  13. Thankful

    Thankful
    Expand Collapse
    <img src=/BettyE.gif>

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2002
    Messages:
    8,430
    Likes Received:
    0
    Priscilla Ann, I am very glad that your situation worked out and that you are going to church together.

    I think that it is important for couples and children to go to church together.

    Many times promises are made before the wedding. I'll go to your church, I'll convert. Even I'll go to my church and you can go to yours. After the wedding, it is difficult to keep some of these promises.

    Marriage and getting along with your spouse may be difficult enough without adding the difference in religion.

    It is very difficult to go to church alone when you are married. It really is easier to just stay at home. It is difficult to get the children ready for church when one spouse does not want you to go. (This is the testimony of my Sunday School Teacher.) She went to church for fifteen years alone with her children. All the while, her husband was fighting her decision.
    Hers had a happy ending. Finally, her husband was saved and went to church with them, but not all stories like this have happy endings.

    At your age, I thought all these things could be worked out and yes, they can, but it is very difficult. Love does not always overcome all.

    Personally, I think it would be better to stop this relationship now. People become very curious about other religions (I did when I was in college) but I was a Baptist and I would not change. There was a time when I thought, it doesn't matter what church I attend, just as long as I go to church. That was wrong. It does matter what you believe and it is better to worship with like believers.

    Praying that you will make a decision based on God's Will for your Life.
     
  14. Mitsy

    Mitsy
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2003
    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    0
    I have to agree with the poster who said that this could be worked out. The main thing I'm seeing here is that your girlfriend IS interested in your church and is willing to go to the Bible study. I've seen many times when one of the people in the relationship was unwilling to compromise in any way. It doesn't sound like she is in that category.

    I will also defend some people of the Catholic faith. While I know there are probably a great many practicing Catholics who do not have a personal relationship with Christ, I can also say the same about some other denominations (Baptists even). You can be a member of any church and still not be saved. It matters more what is in this girl's heart and keep in mind that Jesus knows her heart better than anyone. I believe the Holy Spirit is already working on her. Try to be patient...sometimes people who are not so emotionally involved make the best witnesses. I will pray that she meets a sister at the Bible study who really makes an impact on her. Sometimes just hearing someone's testimony can be life-changing. Praying for you both.
     
  15. Charles Meadows

    Charles Meadows
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2003
    Messages:
    2,276
    Likes Received:
    0
    Michael,

    Trying to find a denomination that fits is likely the best thing. Obviously the important thing is to make sure that she is a Christian (which it sounds like have). I'd strongly disagree that all catholics are unsaved. And I'd also say that John Paul II is not anything close to evil incarnate!

    It's important to step back and realize (as I'm sure you do) that NO DENOMINATION is perfect. The Baptists are very Christ oriented, which is the main reason I am one! The catholic church does have some positive points, particularly the fact that they do not get bogged down in overliteralizing bible passages. On the other hand some catholic churches tend to be rather lax in certain social areas and therefore helping to create alot of easter/Christmas "Christians" who really have no relationship with Christ. And the fact that there is a lot of traditional doctrine which has no real concrete scriptural basis.

    There is a possibility that you two won't work out unfortunately. You DO need to make sure that you can be able to fully share worship otherwise things will be rough.
     
  16. Johnv

    Johnv
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2001
    Messages:
    21,321
    Likes Received:
    0
    A topic perhaps best left for a separate topic.
     
  17. massdak

    massdak
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2002
    Messages:
    1,271
    Likes Received:
    0
    there is liberal advice and Christian advice and the Christian advice is biblical, that is to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. The catholic doctrine is what the apostle paul would say another gospel. i wish liberal religionist would stop trying to change clear scripture.
     
  18. Charles Meadows

    Charles Meadows
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2003
    Messages:
    2,276
    Likes Received:
    0
    Massdak,

    "there is liberal advice and Christian advice and the Christian advice is biblical, that is to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers."

    You forgot about MISGUIDED ADVISE. If you're implying that all catholics are unsaved then you haven't grasped Paul well.
     
  19. massdak

    massdak
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2002
    Messages:
    1,271
    Likes Received:
    0
    ok here is what this man can do
    ask what she believes ask her to be specific if you believe in faith alone in Christ alone with nothing added then ask her why she is a catholic which believes contrary to this. if she doesn't know then persuade her to get out of catholicism and get into a bible believing local church. if however she is a cathoic and believes as such then he can drop her like a bad habit.
    well at least tell her that the relationship has to end.
     
  20. mioque

    mioque
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2003
    Messages:
    3,899
    Likes Received:
    0
    Michael
    "I'll give it a little time, but I doubt I have the patience to wait years.." :rolleyes:
    You're not much of a romantic are you?


    "I have a book called "Unmasking Catholicism" written by a woman who was about to become a Catholic Nun."
    Know a dozen books just like it, distinct possibility book is a load of tripe, also a distinct possibility Mary ann Collins (the author) was never even Roman Catholic, let alone interested in becoming a nun. You might want to rethink using that book.
    Patience, praying and good Bible study have much better odds of giving her a different more wholesome perspective on communion than engaging in polemics with her using a modern version of:" The awfull disclosures of Maria Monk".
     

Share This Page

Loading...