I'm dating a Catholic.... help!

Whoa, folks, This is not supposed to be a Catholic debate thread. This is a thread where someone is asking for relationship advice. There are plenty of threads debating catholicism, and the side discussions are best taken there. Or, perhaps someone would like to start a "what constitutes 'equally yoked' topic".

As a fellow poster, I'm interested in assisting our fellow Christian brother with his concerns. Let's keep it at that, please, and take the remaining debates elsewhere.

Sheesh! It's bad enough when I get personal emails calling me a "server of two masters" and a "sellout" because of a few posts where I said I sometimes attended church with my cousin at his RCA church. There's a lot of people on this board who are looking to start a hockey game on a golf course.

 

massdak
"if however she is a cathoic and believes as such then he can drop her like a bad habit."
Let me speculate for a moment...
Your successrate at converting Catholics is somewhat lacking.
And before you start yelling at me, fully half the members of my IFB church are former RC's.
I do have some idea about what works and what doesn't.

 

Why did you start dating her in the first place?

 

me yell?
then i assume that you pastor of a baptist church correct?
will you give him biblical advice, i will watch and see. and careful i may ask that you put your money where your mouth is and prove that half of your members are former RC's and please pray tell your method that you are using so effectively to turn catholics into formers?

 

First of all you won't like what I say. You have no business dating non Protestant girls period. When you do you are just opening yourself up to difficulties. What do you expect her to believe? She's a Catholic! The sacrament of the Eucharist to a Catholic, is as sacred as "believer's baptism" is to a Baptist.

Secondly, do you think that YOU will convert her from her Catholic beliefs somewhere down the road? Think again. You can never change a person with a convinced mind.

To make a long story short, dump her and date a Protestant girl. And save yourself A LOT future difficulties.

 

I'll have to echo Ronald. As you say, you were ignorant of the wide disparity in beliefs, but now you know better.

Make the hard and right decision and only cry once!

Here's some helpful hints:

1. Do not write a letter or talk over the phone. Do this in person like a man.

2. Do not meet with her alone. You're already romantically involved (I gather), and emotions go wild at times like this. Having someone there will keep things from getting out of hand.

3. Work out your wording ahead of time. This will take time and effort. Get some help on this. Explain to her your predicament and the Scriptural admonition you MUST obey. Ask her to forgive you for leading her on (the Scriptures use the word "defraud").

Make sure the wording is clear, concise and KEEP THIS MEETING SHORT.

4. Expect to be misunderstood.

5. Leave.

6. Cry your lovin' eyes out and berate yourself for being such a darned fool.

7. Seek Christ for the satisfaction of the needs you thought she was fulfilling.

 

Michael: As you stated, you attend a huge Church, surely there must be there some Bible believing eligible women there. As I said, it may come to that. Or, somewhere on this vast internet there must be Christian dating sights. On Christian radio I heard something that I believe was called, fittingly, "Equally Yoked." All kinds of choices.
I don't want to see you give up too easily, but I feel as though you do need to set a time frame here to get on with your life.

 

Michael
"I'm 29 years old,"
"'
I had you pegged about a decade younger than that.
Common sense is a much needed virtue when you are 29, when you are 19 the appearance of having common sense is often a bad sign.

"I found an article about the former nun author by an outside source,"
""
I'm already surprised she was a real novice, there is a rich tradition in American anti-catholic writings of exposes written by former 'nuns' and 'priests' who weren't even members of that church for one day in their lives.

"Secondly, there are some chapters in the book I feel are "bunk" or even "hooey!""
""
As one historian to another, if you can't use some chapters, don't use any of it. Get another better source of info.

"The difference is, that when agreeing to be a CATHOLIC, you are agreeing, no, SUBMITTING to the entire history of the church and CONFIRMING your agreement and commitment to the church and all that it stands for."
""
Let's talk about YOUR problems for a moment, if she was born into that faith, she did not conciously submit to it. You are 'projecting' what it might mean if you signed up with the RCC onto her.
Also you clearly don't understand the inner workings Catholicism, disagreements on all sorts of stuff that would have torn any other church apart are taken in a stride overthere.
Disagreeing with other factions within the church on numerous issues is the norm and the hierarchy is just another faction you can disagree with.

 

"So... What do you suggest would be a successful approach to present her with information without "attacking" her faith?..."
"'
Wrong approach, at this stage you don't want to teach her the errors of her own faith, you want to teach her your faith (a.k.a as the Truth).
Of to Bible (and possibly church history) class with her.
You don't want to walk the road of the RCC is evil.
You want to walk the road of: This is the way they did things during the NT era, that is why we baptists do it so now.
Building up stuff instead of tearing it down.
If it comes up it's time to point out that the RCC apparently got sidetracked a little in the past 2000 years and that's why they do things differently.
In her specific case, some serious Bible study concerning the Last Supper seems to be needed.

massdak
"me yell?"
""
It's you massdak, so sure.

"then i assume that you pastor of a baptist church correct?"
''''
Me? Never.
I'm the verger of my church, not one of it's vicars. Or if you don't like that terminology, I'm the caretaker of my church not one of it's pastors. Of zelfs, Ik ben de koster van mijn kerk niet een van de dominees.

"and please pray tell your method that you are using so effectively to turn catholics into formers? "
"'
Simple. Catholicism is often a dead faith. We teach the living Christ.
Plenty of cradle Catholics at the edge of that church looking for God. They don't find Him there. We simply help them looking. Having a clear gospel message combined with a non-adverserial relation with the local RCC has produced very good results.

 

Michael
"before realizing that I wasn't considered a Christian by their church."
""
It is more the other way around, the Catholics aren't considered Christians by many baptists.
Modern RC doctrine considers truly saved members of baptist churches seperated members of their own church.
You are Catholic boy Michael

 

OK you guys. Telling me "who" to date would not be the advice I would need if I were the poster.

It is easy to throw stones and make judgements when you are not in the situation. I know from personal experience how hard it is to meet suitable people with any moral background or upbringing, much less find a strong Christian who is single, attends church, and doesn't have a lot of emotional baggage.

The poster needs to decide for himself about whether to continue with the relationshp or not. If this girl was not interested in his church and was not willing to go to the Bible study, yeah, I could say "maybe find someone else", but it doesn't sound like this girl is closed to learning more about the Baptist faith. If we ONLY "hang with our own" like some of the cultish groups we've talked about on other threads, how can we be seen as much different from them? From the Mormon's, JW or Pentecostals? Who are we to witness to? The people who already know and follow Christ probably don't need us as witnesses. But to totally rule someone out just because she's Catholic is quite insulting to a lot of people. It would be to me. We are presuming way too much without knowing this person or her heart.

 

Mioque made an interesting point!

The Catholic church does consider itself the only true church - but does hold that salvation is possible outside the church if one believes Christ and lives a Christian. This is found in the catechism under "separated brethren".

This is in distinction to what will be said by the anti-catholic crown who seem to think taht reading a verse or two of the catechism makes them experts!

That being said the catholics have some pretty hard to swallow doctrines. Still we must remember that salvation is dependent on a persons trust in Christ. We baptists have some doctrinal problems just like any denomination.

 

ZeroTX, it might not be easy, but it is Christ or her. You cannot continue dating a lost person.

 

Michael
First of all don't pay to much attention to the 'village idiots' of this forum. Those who always think in terms of seperation never get to spread the Gospel.

"The real problem are the mandates that Catholicism puts on Catholics for how they handle family matters..."
''
The question is what your girlfriend is like in these matters, you are after all dating her and not cardinal Ratzinger head of the inquisition.... Or so I hope.

"baby baptisms,"
''
The whole of Christendom practices baby baptism, except for us baptists. Yes it's a real issue, but it wouldn't be any different if she became a Lutheran.
Personally I always favored the let them get sprinkled as babies (to keep the inlaws happy), let them get immersed later (when they personally choose to follow Christ) method.

"no birth control,"
''
The women of Poland are no doubt more into the pope than your girl, they are also no doubt closer to the conservative ideal. Nonetheless the vast majority of them uses birthcontrol. It's most likely not an issue.

" Confirmation"
''
Why are you concerned about Confirmation?

" (which is done generally through peer pressure around 15-17)..."
''
13-14 where I am from and it's more a case of priest pressure instead of peer pressure.

 

It is a good and right thing for a Christian to witness to a Roman Catholic. It is a bad and wrong thing for a Christian to marry a Roman Catholic. This is not a personal opinion, it is a fact based on the Word of God. Biblical separation is a despised and reputiated doctrine in this age of increasing apostasy and New Evangelicalism permeating many local churches. You can choose to do right, or you can choose to do wrong.

Regarding marriage, Abraham, Isaac and other Old Testament personalities seeking to please God, were careful to narrowly limit potential marriage candidates to a relatively small group: from among God's people. They chose to do right. Samson, on the other hand, (Judges 14:1-3) chose to do wrong and paid the rest of his life for his sin of an unholy marriage.

Here are some websites with info on witnessing to Catholics:

Reaching Catholics For Christ


Berean Beacon Ministries - Richard Bennett, a former Roman Catholic Priest


Roman Catholic Church

Understanding Roman Catholicism


European Institute of Protestant Studies - How To Witness to Catholics


The Truth About Roman Catholicism

 

Give it to God.

When I married my wife, she was a non-practicing Catholic and I was a backslidden Christian.

Two years ago, I was moved to go to church, an Independent Baptist Church to be exact.

I told the family the night before we were going to church in the morning, much to their surprise.

My wife was moved as soon as she entered the church and wept when she sat down. All I can say is the Holy Spirit moved her. It wasn't me, it was God.

Over the these past two years, she has taken to the Baptist, or should I say Protestant way like fish in water. She says it is liberating to know a loving God as opposed to a wrathful God as the Catholics teach.

It helps to have a good Pastor. Our Pastor is terrific and has helped show her (and us) just how "pagan" the Catholic Church is.

She is also found peace knowing that she is saved and she has a secure place in Heaven, promised by God himself for the simple act of believing in Christ. It amazes me what the Catholic Church preaches and I am not surprised so many Catholics don't have a personal relationship with God. It's all ritual. They have no absolute hope of going to Heaven either. My wife shows me the comparison everyday. She is now convinced that the Catholic Church is a cult, no different than the Mormons and the Jehovas Witnesses.

As I said, you need to pray to God. Only he has the power to redeem her soul. You planted the seed, let God do the rest!

I'll pray for her!

 

Mitsy said:

I think the advisers were telling him who not to date, according to God's Word.

True about making judgements when you are not in the situation, that is why it is best to follow the advice of Him who knows all situations.

Also, if we gp by Biblical examples, often times in the case of single men and women who are children of God and believers, it is God who brings us to our life mate. I am sure if we trust Him on this, the results will be much better than if we do the searching.

It is definitely God's command that we hang with our own. Not that we shun others, or be recluses, but, that in friendship and in preference, our crowd ought to be those with like minds as us.

In marriage as in friendship, it is unfair for both parties not to be of the same faith and persuasion.

For professing Christians who tell another professing Christians to go ahead and marry an unbeliever despite clear commands in the Bible not to and clear examples in the Bible of what can happen, is advising that other to be disobedient but don't worry God is in control, anyway.