Ladies and Gentlemen, the official Dan Ratherism thread

"In southern states they beat him like a rented mule."

 

"If you try to read the tea leaves before the cup is done you can get yourself burned."

 

"We need Billy Crystal to Analyze This"

 

"You know that old song, 'it's delightful, it's delicious, it's de-lovely' for President Bush in most areas of the country."

 

"We had a slight hitch in our giddy up, but we corrected that."

 

"In some ways, George Bush's lead is as thin as November ice."

 

"Put on a cup of coffee, this race isn't going to be over for a while."

 

"You look at the map and say it's all a big Bush victory. But this is one time when your Mother is right, looks can be deceiving."

 

"John Kerry's moon has just moved behind a cloud, as far as Florida is concerned."

 

On Kerry's chances: "To use a metaphor, he's gotta draw to an inside straight. But hey, sometimes you get lucky and hit that straight."

 

"Is it like a swan, with every feather above the water settled, but under the water paddling like crazy?"

 

"What you have here is the football equivalent of a fourth quarter rally by Kerry."

 

The election is "closer than Lassie and Timmy"

 

"Keep in mind they are teetotally meetmortally convinced they have Ohio won."

 

"Vice President Dick Cheney would not have flown all the way out there (Hawaii) overnight and put that lei around his neck and sort of hula-danced, if you will, unless he thought there was a chance of carrying that out there."

 

"President Bush smiling there with his family. He's laid down aces so far."

 

"You can almost hear the GOP (deep breathing sound). We're getting within maybe smelling distance."

 

"We don't know what to do. We don't know whether to wind a watch or bark at the moon."

 

On how the results are affecting strategists: "It's one reason so many of them drink a lot."

 

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), on being congratulated on victory by Rather: "Thanks Dan, I always believe you." Rather: "Now, ladies and gentleman, if you believe that, you'll believe rocks can grow."