Marriage between a Christian and Non-Christian

Several things I can say about your post, and this with no disrespect or anything of that sort and stripe.
One, we cannot judge everything according to our experience.
What had been true with you, will not necessarily be true of others, and vice-versa.
Suffice to say on that regard that I believe from the very beginning both you (and I say this only according to what I heard and read from you) and your wife, or one of you, at the very least, were children of God from the very beginning.
Which brings me to the second thing.
What is a Christian ?
On what basis could we ever say that one were truly a Christian ?

A Christian is one who belongs to Christ, and belongs to Christ not on the basis of what that person did, but on the basis of what the God of Heaven determined for that person, and on the basis that Christ redeemed that person unto Himself, and therefore belongs to Him.

So, who am I to say I shall not marry you because one of you is not a Christian (this now in reference to Pastor SBC etc). Rather I should be more succinct and say, "I cannot get you folks married because one of you is not a practicing Christian", which is more to the point of how the world, and most churches and pastors, think of what a Christian is: neither smokes nor drinks nor gambles, reads the Bible regularly, a permanent and regular churchgoer, tithers, law-abiding, conservative for the most part, etc., etc., etc".

So, how does one know the other partner in the union is not a Christian, as in one bought by the blood of the Eternal Son because that is His will, and one whom the Shepherd has always regarded as His sheep from before the foundation of the world ?

Answer.

One does not know. Why then should I be so harsh as to say, "I do not marry a Christian to a non-Christian". Perhaps one should say then, "I do not marry a Baptist to a Catholic, or I do not marry Mormons to Baptists, or Southern Baptists to American Baptists or Bible Baptists to Primitive Baptists".

And extend that a little bit more to funerals.

I am sorry, but I do not preach at non-Christians' funerals.

Of course, the good pastor is basing his theology on, perhaps, 2 Corinthians 6:14, as most do, and many on this board do, but even the interpretation of that passage is subject to debate by others.

Perhaps, also, the good pastor refers only to those who are part of his flock, or the church he pastors, in which case he is very well within his rights, being the undershepherd for that flock, and therefore, according to his interpretation, he will be responsible to the chief shepherd, and so, if a member of his congregation wishes him to marry him/her to a non-member of his congregation (and so one whose devotion to the Lord is suspect to him) then he is well within his rights to refuse to marry them.

I would marry folks, and if they are not both members of my congregation, then I shall perhaps stay within the "civil aspect" of the marriage, not necessarily invoking the Lord's blessings, but rather speaking from the Bible about what marriage is all about from the Scriptural perspective, and then pronouncing them man and wife by virtue of the authority vested on me by the state.

FWIW.

 

Bill, I am glad that your situation worked out the way it did. God is in complete control and He brought about His will and plan for your life.

My mother and father were in the same situation for many years. My father did not come to know the Lord until he was over 60. So I do understand this situation.

However, just because these situations worked out that way does not mean that I should change my thoughts on standards for marriage. I still do not believe that Biblically speaking I should marry a Christian and a non-Christian with the hope that the one will eventally come to know the Lord.

From my experience more times than not the non-Christian ends up staying that way and causing the believer in the relationship to struggle and eventually pull out of church and stop growing in their relationship with the Lord. Because of that I would say your situation and my parents situation are the exception and not the norm.

But again, I praise the Lord with you that your situation worked out the way it did! God is good to us even when we do not deserve it!

 

If you will allow a second answer from me, then, no, during counselling and both soon-to-be-spouses are present, where one is a non-practicing Christian, or non-professing Christian, I do not go along those lines out of deference to the other party's sensibilities.

I would dwell mostly on the duties of one another to each other, to their children, and to society, from a Scriptural standpoint.

In private I will speak to the practicing or professing Christian, and tell him/her of the pitfalls of such a marriage, and the unfairness of such a marriage both to him/her and to the other party.

Having said that, the marriage goes on.

 

A genuine Christian is someone who follows Jesus Christ. The Bible says the demons believe and shudder, but they are not following Jesus. Many acknowledge Christ but do not follow him.

 

Let me ask another question. Who is to be the spiritual head of a home in those years when the wife knows the Lord and the husband doesn't? How is she to submit her husband who can't love her as Christ loves the church because he doesn't know Christ? Who has to take on the responsibility of spiritual leadership?

It throws the whole thing impossibly out of whack. As Pastor said, it occassionally it works out, but other scenarios rise up:

You get a wife who learns to take the spiritual lead strongly out of necessity. What happens when the husband becomes a Christian? He either cannot gain control or there is a possible power struggle. Maybe not, but that scenario is set up.

Sometimes the husband berates the wife who tries to serve. I've seen this happen way too many times. Or the wife takes the kids to church and the husband goes off golfing which looks like tons of fun. What do the boys learn? What do the girls learn?

The scenarios are endless.

I've known pastors who would marry anyone because they felt that the couple would just keep going until they found someone else who would do the job or that the couple might just live together. Consider however that you ran into obsticle after obsticle - prayerfully pastor after pastor said, I'm sorry but I can't marry you because . . . AND each of those men prayed for your salvation. Suppose one of them was pesky about getting you into church because God placed you on his heart. It might not have been 9 1/2 years.

 

He role is not dependent upon his role. Her role is outlined 1 Peter 3 if she has unbelieving husband.

Pastors have sold the church a myth teaching that it is easy for a wife to submit herself to her husband if he loves her. That is like saying it was easy for Judas to submit to Jesus. If that were the case then it would not be necessary to teach that she is to love her husband by submitting herself to him.

 

You are right. But please do not blame my pastor (actually pastors ) for my fault here. I take responsibility. My focus was scripturally narrow.

My points (taken in whole) are that the whole thing works together better when the whole thing is taken together in proper order.

I happen to know I had to learn to submit. I've been quite fiesty. I started out fiestier. (I actually believe rebellious would be more in order!)

 

It seems like all of us are selfish and learn to become selfless as we grow.