Men's Rules

Discussion in 'Clean Humor' started by Revmitchell, May 11, 2014.

  1. Revmitchell

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    Well-Known Member

    Feb 18, 2006
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    We always hear 'the rules' from the female side now here are the rules from the male side.

    1. Men are not mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1.. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher columbus did not need directions and neither do we...

    1. All men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings..
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear..

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.

    1.. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1 .. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!

    1.. Thank you for reading this. Yes, i know, i have to sleep on the couch tonight.. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping...
    #1 Revmitchell, May 11, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2014
  2. Salty

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    20,000 Posts Club

    Apr 8, 2003
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    Revmitchel - do you have a copyright on this?
  3. thisnumbersdisconnected

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    New Member

    Apr 11, 2013
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    And that reminded me of this ...

    Keys to Successfully Dating My Son
    1. If you want to talk to him and get to know him, please feel free to drop by the church for any service and youth group meetings.
    2. He really does care what I think.
    3. Do not think about showing up or being around him wearing a shirt four sizes too small, or looking as if you jumped too far into your shorts and now have your rear end hanging out. You will have the option of leaving or wearing a Snuggie.
    4. Any of your calls or texts may be monitored for quality assurance.
    5. If you hurt him, be prepared to a misery prayed on you.
    6. Do not forget that I own a shotgun, his mother and I both know how to use the Sword of the Spirit, and his Heavenly Father is omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent!
    7. Always remember, the wonderful things you want in him, he deserves to have in you, so allow God to develop your character. The key to finding “The Right One” is being “The Right One.”

    ... and this ...


    For 20 years, I raised a son and a daughter on my own. I became in expert, so they didn't have to post "Men's Rules" or "Women's Rules" in their homes. :laugh:
    #3 thisnumbersdisconnected, May 13, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: May 13, 2014
  4. convicted1

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    Retired Staff

    Jan 31, 2007
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