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Discussion in '2004 Archive' started by go2church, Jul 12, 2004.
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Seems as though Al may have gone off the deep end on this one
We should stay unmarried to sow our wild oats first? At the age of seventeen (in 1982), I had already proposed...to the woman I am still married to today. I think more people (not less) ought to marry their high-school sweetheart. It worked out for me!
Beside that, if a Christian youth is not thinking about marriage, the church has done something wrong. (I'm not saying "thinking about getting married right away.") We should be teaching the certain merits of the marriage relationship anyway, shouldn't we? It should be set forth as a desirable thing for our youth to aspire to - a good marriage to a godly partner (of the opposite gender, but that's a different thread).
And for those who believe everyone should wait until after college: Do you honestly believe college life will be a good influence?
Al's right on.
I agree with some of his thoughts...also,I think dating or courtship should happen only if a couple are ready to be married. For example,I think a young man should be ready to take on all financial responsibilities of a family and be the head of his home...the age doesn't matter so much to me as his charcter and ability to provide for a family. If they are courting,then this should be a prerequisite. I do not think a 16 or 17 year old is prepared to do this yet,but I think he can becoming prepared at this age.
Everything a young man or woman should be doing in their teen years is to prepare them for marriage,motherhood,fatherhood and the responsibilities that go along with that.Once they hit the teen years,marriage should be the next step,children soon after.
Just my thoughts,
Mother of 3 daughters
Dr. Mohler is a great Theologian "Par Excellent" and I actually agree that a Christian should be looking and praying for your mate at a early age (Unless God has called you to a life of singleness) BUT that does not mean necessarily you will find your wife or husband by 24. It may be 35, 48, 50 etc... Being the good Calvinist he is, Mohler should not forget that God in his sovereignty may not have everyone marry before they are 25.
I found his overall advice however to be both irresponsible and wreckless and I mentioned that on another thread on this subject. I like Dr. Mohler but he is NOT a Pastor and from his comments it does not seem he has much experience dealing with older Christian Singles. I wish Seminary Presidents with limited pastoral experience (Not an insult, I don't think I am qualified to lead Southern Seminary as Mohler has done very well) would let Pastors deal with this issue and not try to be a Christianized Dr. Phil. It was pointed out correctly that Mohler was wrong on older marriages. Statistics do show that many people who marry later in life have very stable marriages.
This issue is not that simple!!
Most 17 and 18 year olds are not mature enough to comtemplate marriage. Generations ago high school age boys were raised helping with necessary chores of life - this was a necessity. Thus there was a likely a little more maturity there in a certain sense of the word.
Nowadays high school age kids simply play, play, play. Video games, school sports, TV shows, music etc. Not that these things are all bad.
Kids today, as a product of society, mature faster physically and slower mentally than they did a century ago!
I think before we starting talking serious courtships at age 17 or so we need to go back to the societal drawing board and prepare kids a little more appropriately. Marriage today among 17 and 18 year olds in a difficult thing because chances are the 2 people haven't appropriately matured yet!
But,if we raise them with these things in mind,it can happen.....parents need to be teaching and training their children with these most serious topics in mind.
This is a good point - impossible to ignore. But it doesn't relieve us of the responsibility to promote godly marriages in the minds of our youth, and to have them be prepared.
I was 19 years old, and my wife was 18 years old when we got married.
What I'm saying is that the appropriate groundwork must be laid. We cannot simply start telling immature teens to get married and start thinking like adults!
No, you should stay unmarried to continue developing into an adult.
You're the extreme exception. The vast majority of marriages that early are doomed to failure.
Sure. But we should not be telling our youth that being single is bad. Paul would vehemently disagree with such an assessment.
No one says otherwise.
One should be able to take care of themselves before one can take care of another. If you're married, your first priority is to the marriage. A single person is able to make his/her education the first priority. A married person cannot do so.
For every one of you, there are nine failed marriages... and those are amongst Christians. No one wants to be a statistic, but everyone ends up a statistic.
I find it amazing that so many here will denounce gambling, but will freely gamble with the subject of marriage. 90% failure odds are quite a gamble, and, imo, not worth the risk. Better to wait a few years.
"Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
I don't care about the statistics!! My marriage is NOT a gamble! My wife and I know that God brought us together, divorce is not in our vocabulary. We may not feel in love all the time, but we made a vow to one another and a vow to God, and as long as He is at the center of our relationship and our marriage we have nothing to worry about.
I know many people who are in their 30's who are IMHO very immature and not ready for marriage. It's not about someones age, but about wether they are focusing on God and following His will for their lives. Marriage is a sacred institution that has to have God's blessing for it to last.
Few do, which is one of the things that contributes to the high divorce rate.
The ones who win rarely think so. In this case, you won. Most do not.
Amen to that! No one says otherwise. The fact that you two are so committed should be commended. Most who marry at a young age cannot grasp the concept as an adult Christian should.
Marital love is not a feeling. Feelings are fickle, and don't last. But I'm sure you know this already. Most Christians in their late teens haven't had the life experiences to properly distinguish between feelings of love and the decision to love.
Amen! Most Christians in their late teens have learned the words, but haven't grasped the concept.
Then they shouldn't be married. But a reasonable person at age 30 is expected to have reached maturity. A person who is 18 is not expected to have completed the maturing process.
It's also about having the maturity to focus on God and follow His will.
Most marriages that have God's blessing don't last, due to other circumstances. One should not enter into a marital covenant until he is old and mature enough to reasonably comprehend those circumstances.
The issue is not age, the issue is maturity. My 18 year old daughter was well-prepared to be a wife and mother by 16. (She is not married, and no marriage is in sight, but if God would have had that in His plans for her, she would have been ready) Mohler is right in that 16, 17, 18 year olds ought to be growing up and quickly becoming responsible adults. Thinking about and becoming prepared for marriage is part of that equation. Maybe they'll be married at 18, maybe at 38. That's not the issue. Many 16, 18, 25 year olds are not ready for marriage, true, but that doesn't mean that's the way it should be. The point is they ought to be more serious minded about life than they generally are. The statistics mean nothing. A young person who has been trained in godliness and family skills by godly parents will be ready at whatever age God leads them to the one He has for them to spend their life with.
Very Good post,PastorGreg!
I agree 100%!
I feel honored to have Johnv give a contrary exposition to my post. Notice how he breaks us down line by line?
I've seen the discussions where Johnv gets started like this, and anyone who tries to put up a fight is doomed to failure. You're a man of strong opinions, my brother. I will critique you in this fashion...you didn't capture the spirit of my post.
For instance, you insisted on commenting (in a negative way) on something I said that you agreed with, saying "no one said otherwise."
Dr. David Alan Black wrote a book titled The Myth of Adolescence: Raising Responsible Children in an Irresponsible Society that deals with the subject of teaching your children to become adults. I haven't read the book yet, but I did hear Dr. Black preach a sermon where he referenced this book. I plan on ordering a copy soon. Has anyone here read this book? It is available online at the following URL:
I married at 20, my wife 18 and have been together for 13 years, happily though school, moves and ministry. Our parents begged us not to get married and wait a year or two, we didn't listen ALTHOUGH we should have. We could have saved ourselves financial hardache and been better ready for the strains of marriage. Luckily God looks out for fools! Mohler is off base on this one, you prepare your kids to seek God, the marriage stuff will happen if it is supposed to. Not everyone will get married, teaching kids to prepare for something that may not happen doesn't sound like a good idea to me. And the fact that he didn' follow his own advice and waited until school was done is a bit interesting to say the least.