Mothers,wives, and priorities

Discussion in '2000-02 Archive' started by Molly, Apr 29, 2002.

  1. Molly

    Molly
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    I think on the topic of women working outside of the home,we established that the priorites and roles of women are to take care of husband,children,and home....not saying that all women have to stay home,but that the priorities have to be met and kept...Considering this,then,what jobs outside the home allow for the time to keep these priorities? This should give you women who do work an oppurtunity to share how you do it and what jobs do allow for that. How many hours do you work a week...what do you teach your children when you are home....how many hours do you spend with them....how many hours do you spend with your husband....do any of you have jobs where you bring home stuff to do...what kind of family worship time do you have or what bible study do you do...where are your children when you are gone....does your husband keep the kids...just some questions to help all of us understand better.

    Even though I do choose to stay home,I realize some do not...I would love to hear how you do a normal day goes for you.
     
  2. redwhitenblue

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    I will be starting a full time job and will be working from early morning to about 5 or 6 and either my husband will watch our son or I'll be taking him with me, when school starts he'll be going to school half days. I spend way too much time with both of them now so it will be a great release for us all to have some change, we'll have plenty of time in the evenings and on weekends to be together.

    karen
     
  3. Momto3JD

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    Mornings, I rise about a half hour before my kids to do me devotions and greet them when they rise. After nursing and eating breakfast we clean up the dishes and do our morning activity (laundry vacumming, games, whatever needs to be done.)

    Lunch: Daddy comes home at noon we eat and the kids all take their naps. I go outside and work in the yard if all my inside work is done.

    Afternoon: I homeschool preschool for about an hour.

    Dinner: We work on dinner together. I want my girls to be great cooks.

    After dinner: We do something as a family like work outide, in the basement, go to church, or have company over.

    We do devotions, read to the kids and put them to bed.

    This is my day. I wouldn't change a thing (except maybe the diaper changing.)

    Now you tell me! Are children that go to daycare going to get to do all that?
     
  4. Lorelei

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    Yes they are, and so much more!

    When my two boys were younger, (My oldest in 1st Grade and my youngest was 3) my ex lost his job ( he did that a lot) and I needed to go to work. Since we had both originally wanted me to stay home with the kids, I decided to get a job at a daycare center so that I could at least be near my kids.

    I went to work for a Christian daycare center and our days went sort of like this.

    We opened at 6am but most kids didn't show up until closer to 8:00.

    6:00-8:00 Breakfast and free play
    8:30-11:30 Preschool - Activities included:
    Learning Bible Lessons, memory verses, alphabet, numbers, colors, shapes, counting. We learned through play, art, music, center time..many different things. (I managed to do individualized learning while the center time was going on) Once a week we had chapel time with the entire school and each department took a turn leading that.

    11:30 recess
    12:00 lunch
    12:30-2:30 Nap time

    2:30 wake up, transition, quiet activities
    3:00 snack
    3:30-6:00 free play, recess and other activities until all the kids went home. Most were gone shortly after 5 or sooner.

    Kids aren't neglected just because they are in a daycare environment. The summer time was filled with lots of exciting adventures and field trips. We never had any child just not get over the fact that mom was away. They were always reassured and they had so much to do and so many kids to play with that by the time mom got there, they had a wonderful day and lots to tell mommy about. Many of our parents would skip a day of work and help out in class or go on trips with us. They were always welcome and the kids loved sharing their days with mom. Some parents didn't work at all, but they enrolled their kids in our pre-school from 8:30-12:30 each day.

    Our 4 year olds graduated knowing many memory verses, lots of Bible stories and knowledge about Jesus, they could read sentences, count to 100, do addition and subtraction to at least 10 and knew thier colors and shapes well.

    Not only did they learn, but they were loved. It has been amazing seeing these little ones grow up with my kids. Little Johnny preaching at the pulpit during youth week, Melissa getting an award for honors, and so on and so forth. It was a blessing to be a part in the life of so many children! Now they are in high school, man do the years go by! EEEeek [​IMG] .

    ~Lorelei
     
  5. donnA

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    When my kids were in hish school, I thought I wanted to get a job. My husband said ok, he rathered I stay home though. I applied at the local day care center. Not christian. After talking with them I found, (and I don't know exact schedules or anything, just basics). Thats they had breakfast, lunch, snacks, with juice and fruit. They had play times, they had learning, they worked on things like colors, numbers, letters, and so on. They had prayer before meals and snacks, and in the afternoons, bible stories, and learning. The women sat and held babies and rocked them.
    Now this is not a perfect fool proof plan, but it isn't bad. And if you can actually find a christian daycare like Lorelei told about then even better.

    Sometimes a woman has to choose between being with her child, or feeding here child and giving them a place to live.
     
  6. Helen

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    Look at the differences here, and yet you are all my sisters in Christ!

    Don't you know that the Lord knows you need certain things and that when you seek FIRST the kingdom of heaven, He will provide the rest?

    For those of you who need daycare, He will provide a good one. For those of you who are able to stay home, you might think about taking care of a Christian sister's children as well who has to work.... that way the children get HOME care, which a day care, no matter how excellent, cannot provide.

    If we quit judging each other and start reaching out to help each other, there will be a lot fewer problems and a lot less criticism, I think.

    ========

    Now, to answer the original post. My days are different now the children are mostly gone, but here goes for the average weekday:

    Up between 5 and 6:30, depending on how much sleep I got! If there is time before getting Chris off, I will check the net or do some science reading or pick up the front part of the house. Depends on what is nagging me the most.

    6:45, get Chris up (he is profoundly retarded, so I have to do everything for him even though he is 17), changed, medicated, shaved, and his lunch made. His school van comes to the driveway about 7:15.

    7:15-8:30 or 9 -- tea, toast, get caught up (impossible!) on emails and post here a bit maybe.

    9-11 -- house, and
    -- Monday: errands
    --Tuesday: books
    --Wednesday: special project
    --Thursday: clean back of house
    -- Friday: clean front of house (we have a big house)

    11-1 -- editing work, or work on article or book etc.
    1-2:30 -- nap when possible
    2:30-4:30 -- Bianca and Chris home from school; get stuff ready for next day, grab extra time for yard work or reading or editing work or....
    4:30-6:30 -- dinner prep, eat, clean up
    6:30-8:30 -- back on the computer for emails, regular work, etc.
    8:30-9:30 -- get Chris in bed
    9:30-11 or so -- Bible reading (I prefer it at the end of the day so I am not pressured to finish and 'get started' with the day. I have time to think and pray later in the day), answer emails, finish up day's work.

    Given this basic skeleton, understand the following also occur:

    Bianca, at 17, comes home chattering and loves to talk. With the end of the school year her activities are increasing (concerts, plays, Key Club, etc.) and so I do more driving her places as she does not have her license yet.

    Barry, right now in Australia again, calls several times a day and we talk.

    My mother is recovering from serious back surgery and likes me to call.

    The dogs need brushing -- our big dog spends his ENTIRE metabolism growing hair to shed on a daily basis!

    I have promised to read a couple of books out loud into a cassette recorder for a blind friend.

    I have promised to transcribe some audio tapes into Word files for a deaf friend!

    One of the oak trees blew down and mashed part of our chain link fencing -- have to call for that to be taken care of.

    Etc. etc. etc.

    So the skeleton of timed activities during a day rarely gets done as neatly as planned. In fact, if it does end up neat and tidy I am in shock. See, I'm already late to get started, it's after 9 now my time and I'm still on this bucket of bolts. Time to get started!!!
     
  7. redwhitenblue

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    AMEN HELEN!!! I applaud those ladies who are stay at home mothers, it's a full time job and a blessed one at that. I not only need to go to work but honestly I have some goals in my life I must accomplish and in order to do that I must work towards those goals.

    Helen I agree, each family is different and God meets the needs of all ....it's not a matter of who's home life is more benifical for who's children but that God's grace is plenty for each household. ;)

    karen
     
  8. Joy

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    I'd like to answer this common misnomer if I you'll allow me. This is not an attack on the
    writer, but the statement itself.

    1. The Bible teaches us throughout its pages to live by the faith of the Word of God. The
    Bible is a lamp that lights our path- even the darkest and hardest paths we may come to.

    2. The Bible teaches us that A woman's role is in her home. Titus 2:3-5, Proverbs 31,
    etc. (by now, you should be familiar with these passages.)

    3. So what if your husband leaves, or you are a single mother, or a widow-in other words,
    you have no husband. What advice does the Bible give us about these situations? Do
    you need to become the provider?

    Let's take a look at the example from the OT, and then compare it with the advice given
    to us in Paul's epistles.

    God never intended for women to be on their own. I Cor. 11:3 But I would have you
    know that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of every woman is the man, and
    the head of Christ is God. (Se also Gen. 3:16, I Cor. 14:34, Eph. 5:22, Col.3:18, I Tim.
    2:11, Titus 2:5, I Pet. 3:1,5,&6. God has created a divine order for the sexes. Placing
    ourselves in His plan gives us protection, and provision. We, as the weaker sex, are
    more easily swayed and deceived, so God has designed it so that we are given protection
    from this from our fathers first, and then our husbands. God also created woman with the
    special role of help meet and nurturer, so he gave the role of provider to man.

    So as not to upset His plan for the roles of men and for women, God gave the Jews an
    alternate plan, should a woman find herself without a husband. It is known as the
    Kinsman Redeemer! This can best be described in the story of Ruth and Boaz. When a
    woman found herself widowed, her children were to care for her. The double portion of
    the inheritance that was given to the oldest son, was specifically given in order to care for
    his mother. If the widow had no children, then she was either to return to her father’s
    household, (see Lev. 22:13) or she would be given in marriage to the nearest kinsmen.
    (Deut. 25:1-7) In addition to these regulations, the Jews were to tithe in order to care for
    the widows. They were also to let them glean from their fields, so that they could be fed.
    (Ex. 22:22, Deut. 24:19-22, 26:12.)

    But this is Mosaic Law and we are not under it, you say! Oh, but God gave some of these
    same principles to the church! ( I Tim. 5:3-14.) Honour widows that are widows indeed.
    (Widows without children) But if any woman have children or nephews, (kinfolk) let
    them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and
    acceptable unto God...but if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his
    own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

    We see here that widows with children or other kinfolk were to be taken in by them.
    Those who refuse to take care of their widowed kinfolk deny the faith that God provides.
    A widow “indeed,” or one without children is to be taken in by the church if she is over
    60 years old and of a good reputation, otherwise, she is encouraged to remarry and bear
    children, so that she will not be idle at home and be tempted to turn to wandering about as
    a gossip and a busybody. She is not encouraged to start a career!

    Part of our very religion is to take care of the fatherless and the widows. It does not
    matter how the children became fatherless. (James 1:27) Pure religion and undefiled
    before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction,
    and to keep him self unspotted from the world.

    This is something that sadly, the church of today does not follow. We don’t care for our
    poor, our afflicted, our fatherless, and our widows. Instead, we teach the humanistic idea
    of “each man for himself!” We forget that we are to bear one another’s burdens, and we
    force our ladies to be self-sufficient, when God intended it to be otherwise. And ladies,
    we aren’t helping the matter at all by having an attitude that we can do it ourselves
    without anyone’s help. God designed families and churches to rely on one another for
    help and for accountability. Let’s return to the faith that God can supply for our needs if
    we follow His plan. Taking matters into our own hands is nothing less than sin.
     
  9. Momto3JD

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    Lorelei ~
    Your child was blessed to have you there with her but what about the kids that don't. Okay so say they do bond witha daycare worker. When they start school, is that person still in their life? Do they share and build on the bond that began as a child throughout their lives. No it is a relationship that merely comes to an end. Kind of like when a parent leaves for whatever reason (death or divorce) and those kids just build relationship after relationship the rest of their life and if they are blessed enough (as I was) to marry a wonderful man then FINALLY when they are grown they can give to their children what they were stripped of!
     
  10. Rev. Joshua

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    Joy, do you really believe this? I thought nothing could surprise me on this board anymore; but this is just stunning.

    If there is a sin involved in this issue, it is in trying to use selective exegesis to convince women that God wants them to be dependent on their husbands instead of being interdependent with them and the other members of their community.

    Joshua

    [ April 30, 2002, 02:00 PM: Message edited by: Rev. Joshua Villines ]
     
  11. Joy

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    Likewise ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, as unto the weaker vessel... I Pet. 3:7

    I Tim. 2:12-15 ...For Adam was first formed, then Eve, And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was...

    Yes, Joshua, I believe it because the Bible teaches it. The only selective hearing here is yours. I suppose your next argument will be that this is a result of the Fall, and that it is relevant only to the culture of that time-

    Eve disobeyed God's command, and she was put under her husband's authority to obey him and be dependant upon him. Her desire shall be to her husband. The role of submission and dependance upon her husband is a a Biblical principle that transcends throughout the Bible.

    [ April 30, 2002, 02:57 PM: Message edited by: Joy ]
     
  12. Momto3JD

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    Thank you Joy! Well said and I know there are many what ifs but if God takes your husband from you, he will lead you and yes then if need be us woman may have to work. I dissagree with woman going on wellfare to stay home. But I do think that at times the husband can't support the family on his income from one job and may need to get another in order to provide for his family.
     
  13. Clint Kritzer

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    You know, we just spent two days on this subject and saying it louder or saying it more doesn't change the facts. The interpretation of the Biblical references has been challenged and we've gone down this road for six months.

    I will say this though. Read Ruth and you will see that she met the kindred-redeemer because she was out working!!! Also at the end of the Book, the child's care is given to Naomi. Do you think Ruth stopped performing work because Boaz married her? It's a short Book. Everyone ought to take a look at it.

    I will say again that what one person reads into the scripture as God's Will for them does not make it God's Will for everyone. Sorry, the Baptist have no popes, nor popesses.

    There are now three topics started this afternoon about this subject. This is a bandwidth gobbling waste of energy, in my opinion.

    But if everyone is going to continue this, let me hear one more time WHY exactly it is okay for a woman to have a working roll in a church such as secretary or treasurer or choir director or pianist but it is not okay for a woman to have a conventional job.

    If we have to go down this road again, we will. But this is a lot of time spent on an issue that is up to personal interpretation and before it gets judgemental yet another time, I will remind you all of Christ's words in Matthew:

    Matthew 7:3
    And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
     
  14. Circuitrider

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    Joy,

    Great job of using the word of God to answer a difficult question. :D God does have the answer for our problems and challenges, even in the 21st century. ;)

    "Sanctify them though thy truth, thy word is truth."
     
  15. Lorelei

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    I find very little about what she does with her children and awful lot about how she is selling and buying, well...working.

    As it says:

    "27 She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness"


    Sounds to me like she can work and watch over the affairs of her home.

    As Clint said, it is interpretational, it isn't set in stone how one must keep their home. The how is disputable, the command to do so is not.

    ~Lorelei
     
  16. Joy

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    These have all been answered as well. The Proverbs 31 woman did all of those things from her home. She was not employed by the merchants she sold her wares to. This is known today as cottage industry. She was not a real estate agent. All Jewish women of means were given dowries, and often invested them by purchasing land to turn a profit with.

    The Proverbs 31 woman's primary focus was still on her home and her husband as his help meet. Tradition tells us that she was probably in fact Bathsheba, the wife of King David, the mother of Solomon, which explains the many servants that she had, and her husband's "seat" in the gates.

    Yes, she was busy working, yes she had a career-it was looking well to the ways of her household, or guiding her house as Paul puts it in the NT.

    Ruth was out gleaning food in a field, so that she and her mother-in-law could eat it. It is a little far fetched to call that a career. She and Naomi were actively looking for a kinsman redeemer. She was not looking for a career.

    Tending the family farm, or husband's business, or buying and selling property with an inheritance, or selling homemade goods, are part of homemaking, and it is far-fetched to liken all of those things to a modern style career where a woman leaves her home, her husband, and her children for a day at the office or the factory. There wasn't a comparison then , and there isn't now. ;)
     
  17. Clint Kritzer

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    Two points here:

    1) How is a woman having a job keeping her from having her primary focus on her home and husband? I work and my primary focus is on my wife and home. Where's the difference?

    2) IF this woman was Bathsheba, she was royalty. They still don't work in the modern world. I'll look into this "tradition" at another point.

    It was the best that a woman of that time could do. Look at the amount of time it took. Verse 17 says that she gleaned until evening and THEN threshed the barley. That's a long day to be stooped over!
    Beg to differ on your reading of Ruth there. It was through Divine intervention (or I suppose some may say coincidence) that Ruth met Boaz in that particular field. The kinsman redeemer is not mentioned in the story until after she has already met Boaz and tells the account to Naomi and is actually in reference to the un-named relative initially.

    Yes, very far fetched. All of the things you mention would take more time away from home than the average 8 hour day and the child(ren) were probably in the care of a relative.

    [ April 30, 2002, 07:35 PM: Message edited by: Clint Kritzer ]
     
  18. Molly

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    Clint,

    I think bringing things up for the use of study,self examination,or just digging deeper is a very healthy thing for us trying to grow to be more like Christ,in the way we parent,whether we work or not. Like I have said beofre...I'm not judging anyone...I'm challenging their thinking...to see things maybe differently than they thought before,hoping to open some eyes,or even help me understand others better. Is that wrong? Please don't take offense to these issues. There are much greater things to get out of sorts about.

    I realize on the baptist board home page,it states,your ideas will be challenged...that is part of this meesage board,right? So,this time *your* thinking is being challenged,try to see it as a good thing instead of fighting against it. This is a very healthy and edifying topic and one I find very interesting. [​IMG]
     
  19. Clint Kritzer

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    Not to worry Molly. It's just that the topic comes up again and again. At least this time it's in this forum where more input is invited.

    Neither side is going to budge, I'm sure, but the fact of the matter is, as I stated last time, there are women who are driven away from this board, put on guilt trips, and left confused by the one-sided argumentation against women working. As I said, Margie and I both are very comfortable with the relationship that we have with God. It is for those who do not have the scriptural background that I wage these debates. There was one point where the view was that ALL women should stay at home. At least now the view has shifted somewhat towards women with children and then, women with young children.

    If you want to see the progress and history of this, use the search function in the women's forum and type in the words "women working." It may open your eyes in a whole other way. By the way, I joined in October. It goes back further than that.
     
  20. Clint Kritzer

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    By the way, since I am obviously going to engage again, I will once again ask a third party to watch this thread. I am not the moderator of this topic. I am just a member. That is why the Administrator closed the last one. Joy can attest to the fact that I requested such in the moderator's forum with no coaching on how it was to be done.
     

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