Moving in with the Girlfriend.

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by f1y, Sep 21, 2009.

  1. f1y

    f1y
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    Hi all, been registered here for a couple years. Only now do I need some help. So, it's my first post.

    Looking for ideas. I got kind of blind sided. Hopefully I can be as acurate and descriptitive of my situation as possible. I'm looking guidance, direction, degradation, or anything really. Please read the whole post.

    My girlfriend and I have been thinking of moving in together for quite awhile. Right now we spend all our free time together. It just makes sense and it would make us rather happy. We enjoy spending time together.

    I'm 23, and she's 22 (in january) I'm done with school and have worked for the same company the last 4 years. She'll be done next may. Then she plans on going after a Masters in her feild. We've dated about 8months now.

    My longest relationship has been 3.5years. (18-21 years old) hers has been a little over a year. When things are right, they're right. This isn't a first love type thing by any means. We bounced the idea off her parents and they went, understandably, CRAZY. Mine were fine, and happy with the idea. Hers went on, to me, what seemed to be a 4 year olds temper tantrum. Right now, with her in school, they pay her cell phone and insurance.

    They threatened to drop both her insurance and cell phone. Calling her a "whore" for even thinking of idea. Saying nothing good will come out of this situation. All sorts of things I would punch a stranger in face for saying to her. My problem with all of this, is that I was marked as "just another guy" before they even met me.

    The phone and insurance don't bother me. Financally, we'll be ok. I have a great job. I just feel the lack of comitment on my part scares them. I mean we could break ties and there daughter would be heart broken. I feel they want me to marry her just because it's looks good in "gods eyes," as in, they don't want to be judged by their peers in chruch.

    There's a lot of things they both do that wouldn't look good in gods eyes. For one, degrading their daughter on the phone and bringing her to tears.

    I just feel there should be an -in between- between courtship/dating and marriage.

    Although, I'm 23, and they.. are not.

    Let me reiterate, we simply "bounced the idea off them."

    Nothing has been done yet. We simply wanted to bring the parents into the conversation like adults and get their thoughts. I thought I was being respectful. Now, they're saying if she moves in with me, they won't allow to come back home. (4 hours aways) To which I replied will we go down there and take them to dinner and talk. They want nothing to do with me now.

    *sad face*

    I'm at a loss for words now. Any ideas?

    For the record. I can see myself spending the rest of life with her. We've talked about it, and Marriage just shouldn't be an opition until after she at least has her bachelors.

    Again, I'm looking guidance, direction, degradation, or anything really. Maybe I should call it off?


    edited: noticed it was first post :)
    edit #2: there, their, they're: they're tricky ;)
     
    #1 f1y, Sep 21, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 21, 2009
  2. Repent-or-Burn

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    2Ti 2:22 Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

    1Co 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

    Pro 5:3 For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil:
    Pro 5:4 But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a twoedged sword.
    Pro 5:5 Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell.
    Pro 5:6 Lest thou shouldest ponder the path of life, her ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them.
    Pro 5:7 Hear me now therefore, O ye children, and depart not from the words of my mouth.
    Pro 5:8 Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house:

    1Co 6:13 Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.
     
    #2 Repent-or-Burn, Sep 21, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 21, 2009
  3. matt wade

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    Doesn't sound like her parents have handled the communication of it very well, but they have the heart of the matter correct. Under no circumstance should you live together until married.
     
  4. f1y

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    thanks for the versus

    mattwade, thanks for the input. Understood.
     
  5. Winman

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    It will not make you happy. Oh, you will enjoy being together, but deep down, if you are really saved, you will feel guilty because you will know you are sinning against God. You will repress it, but it will always be there.

    And time will prove me right, but you will both start to resent each other. It's human nature. You will not feel right about yourself, and she will not feel right about herself. And you will start to blame each other. You won't say that out loud, you will say it in other ways.

    If you love her and she loves you get married. If you really can't get married (which is probably not the real truth), then stay apart and get married later.

    You probably won't listen, most young folks don't, but you will find out later. Her parents know what I am talking about, that's why they got so angry.
     
  6. Repent-or-Burn

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    You are welcome.

    Take them to heart, friend. You should just marry, if you'll wait until she has her bachelors - while living with her.. what is the difference?

    I am trying "not" to be harsh, as you do not seem to need that..

    It seems that you don't want to make a commitment.. In which case, you shouldn't be living with her anyway.

    Just marry the lady, "if" it be right before God.. I may be missing something, but I see no difference other than whether a commitment is made.

    Correct me if I'm wrong.
     
  7. annsni

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    Get married.
     
  8. f1y

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    I didn't say we can't be married, well.. I may have above.

    What I meant was that we collectively thought it would be wise to postpone it until our education was out of the way.

    thanks for the thoughts.
     
  9. Repent-or-Burn

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    "What I meant was that we collectively thought it would be wise to postpone it until our education was out of the way."

    It is not. It is sin. If you do not "plan" to commit sin, it will become that. 99% guaranteed.

    On the other hand, how will you "possibly" keep your testimony before men? Hey! You're a christian, and you're living with your girlfrield! Don't you judge me!

    Can you keep it secret? If not, you will probably sin in this area as well.
     
  10. Magnetic Poles

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    I'd advise caution there too. Getting married out of sexual attraction is a recipe for disaster as well. It takes more than that to have a successful, long-term marriage.
     
  11. Deacon

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    Personally I think you’re flirting with danger.
    It’s hard enough to stay pure living apart.
    It would be next to impossible when living together while unmarried.

    • Listen to her parents.
    • Approach them by yourself and apologize, tell them you were naïve and unaware of the potential for problems but talked it over with others and understand.
    • Assure them that the boundaries they set between you and their daughter will be honored.
    The hardest part will be to hold to your words.

    It will be a good first step in the relationship between you, their daughter and her parents.

    It will help you in the future to know you are an honorable person.
    It will be a witness to others, including your future children.

    Rob
     
  12. f1y

    f1y
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    Excellent advice Rob!

    Appreciate it. Really, a lot!
     
  13. preachinjesus

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    Since we're being open and honest...how long have you both been having sex?

    Seriously.

    Every couple I know who has moved in together have been having sex for a while. It just becomes the natural bridge.

    Because if you aren't than you owe it to her to uphold her integrity. When I meet or hear of a couple moving in together there is character issue that comes up and I don't think as much of them. Also, I really don't think very much of the man. There is stigma attached with the woman.

    If you care for her than it is your obligation to protect her physically, spiritually, emotionally, and s3xually.

    If you are having premarital sex than you are out of God's will and are tresspassing into dangerous areas. There is grace, and it starts with following Jesus for who He is and what He commanded. :thumbs:
     
  14. f1y

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    -snip-

    just read the rules, edited it out
     
    #14 f1y, Sep 21, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 21, 2009
  15. preachinjesus

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    Yeah, you need to have a completely different conversation.

    Listen I've worked with 20somethings for a while and I get how common this is have it in a relationship. You've got a bigger issue here. You can't reconcile a relationship centered in Christ with this kind of behavior.

    Honestly, this isn't the forum for that convo. You need a real conversation with a real pastor who will help you stay accountable. :)
     
  16. ShotGunWillie

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    I never thought I would say this, but, MP has a good point here, pay attention to this, seriously.

    1. Why, if such a serious issue, would you call her parents to discuss it?
    2. You aren't getting off to a good start with them, a relationship with them is very important, its important that you display characteristics of loyalty, honesty, and integrity.

    there is other good advice on here and I am dumb on this topic, very dumb. So don't take my advice, but glean from the other posts. Marriage is not the answer, but I would not consider moving in with a gf.
     
  17. Marcia

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    You should wait to marry (and not live together). If you were seriously considering living with this woman, then I would say you are not ready to be married.

    Put this before the Lord and ask for wisdom (as far as marriage) and under no circumstance, do not live with her or have relations with her! Living with her is not only against God, but may cause you to lose respect for her and also may cause both of you to get married just because you are living together when maybe you shouldn't get married.
     
  18. Revmitchell

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    Good question
     
  19. twpaige

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    Perhaps her parents were so upset initially because they put two and two together and figured out that their baby girl was having pre-marital relations just like all of us here did the second you said you were thinking about moving in together. I would definately ask you to listen to all the other advice already given in the responses.

    In Christ,

    T
     
  20. preachinjesus

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    For everyone else out there that didn't read it basically you said you have been engaging in this activity for two months. Not being a jerk just wanted to clarify.

    I still think this convo needs to happen between you and a minister.:thumbs:
     

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