O.K. Ive got to blow off some steam. I am at the point where I think that all church singles groups are worthless. I am recently divorced and I thought that it would be good if I tried to establish some contact with some people my own age who were experiencing the same things. Boy was I wrong. After the 5th singles group Ive called it quits. I have never seen such a group of ragtag, baggage laden, emotionally crippled, inneffective christian gripers and complainers as I have in the singles groups. I can't stand going anymore. Here are some problems that I've observed: 1. Singles pastor? Def.- oxymoron. I have never met a Single singles pastor who has ever been single in the manner of most of the people in his charge. Most every one met their wives in bible college their freshman year and as a result can never really connect with the people in the groups in a way that allows them to act effectively in ministering to their needs. And a divorced singles pastor? Forget it, although in my opinion it should be a prerequisite for the job as by that point you have run the gamut of experiences that most under your charge have endured. 2. Groups are too inclusive. The singles group is usually the most diverse group within any church. You have old singles/young singles, single and never married/single and divorced/single and widowed, single and happy(rare)/single and bitter(common), short singles/tall singles....I could go on forever. But they are usually herded into one big group and treated the same application of ministerial licence. 3. Most people in the groups are not happy. Some may go on for a while and be ok at least in an overt sense, but eventually the pains of lonliness and social exlusion(due to the fact that most churches that I've ever been in are exclusively family friendly)drive them over the edge and they get rebellious and defeated. They're mad cause they're not having sex, spend long hours by themselves, usually have no directional bearing on where their lives are going and, and when all's said and done at the end of the day they come home to an empty nest. I'm NOT judging these people because I understand everything they're going through, but I'm tired of contributing to a church ministry thats apparently not fostering an environment that is beneficial to these people. In fact from what I have observed their whole way of ministering to the group is rooted in repression. The church admin does not want to deal with them so they encourage the members to repress thier feelings or give them a guilt trip by telling them that if they aren't happy "they're not living for God". 4. Honestly, the Churches I have been in will state up front that the singles group is "not a dating service" but thats what they're hoping for - that people will go in and get something going and move on, thus lowering the population of the churches most pain-in-the-rear population. But its not happening. People get sand-trapped there and give up hope. You've got basically two distinct groups: a. The single and happy-waiting on the Lord crowd. This bunch is usually demographically younger and female. But most of the ones that I've had the opportuinity to know think that God has one person in the whole world thats waiting for them and as a result of this divine concoction - he/she is perfect. And furthermore they wont open the door for any possible opportunity unless lightening strikes from the East to the West and the Heavens roll back and God thunders This is your beloved mate in whom I am well pleased! Does he do that with jobs? Name me one thing that he's done that with other than Christ himself. b. The broken hearts club. These are the most predominant people in the singles population. They carry their cross begrudgingly day after day waiting for that special someone that they believe that God has for them until the burden gets too heavy to bear and secretly harbor resewntment that things are the way they are. I'm just tired of it. The missmanagement, thewhole concept is bad as far as I'm concerned.