My Way or the Highway

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Aaron, Feb 6, 2009.

  1. Aaron

    Aaron
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    What's your parenting style? When I hear old codgers reminisce about their childhood, without exception the parents who are honored most were the strictest and didn't take any sass.
     
  2. Revmitchell

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    Its my way and you stay home.
     
  3. abcgrad94

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    Strictness doesn't always equal honor or respect. I know a man who was an alcoholic with a filthy mouth and no respect for God. He was very strict with his children. They loved him and feared him, but didn't really respect him.

    Another man I know was very strict at home. His kids had to be at church every time the door was open, and he punished them severely for any minor issue. His kids were "perfect" at school, never sassed back, etc. yet he turned out to be the biggest hypocrite in the church. His children grew up to hate his guts.

    "Strictness" must be tempered with love and fairness or it becomes only a means of control. Children will respect a parent they know loves them and who will model Christ-like behavior, not just lay down a bunch of rules.
     
  4. tinytim

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    Spiritually strict.

    How is this for a phrase:

    Spiritually strictness will cure spiritually sickness.
     
  5. Revmitchell

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    And that is the key
     
  6. Aaron

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    Are you saying love is not strict?
     
  7. abcgrad94

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    No, I'm saying it's possible to have strictness without love.
     
  8. Aaron

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    That's true.
     
  9. LeBuick

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    Love can and has to be at times strict and not strict in order to be Love. It's not about you, it's about the child you are mentoring and growing. I can be strict, but if strict isn't what's needed then I won't get the right response.
     
  10. Aaron

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    Okay, the man was a hypocrite, but did his children grow up to be well-mannered, "good" people, or did they grow up to be thugs?
     
  11. rbell

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    I like Josh McDowell's statements:

    "Relationship without rules leads to rebellion."
    "Rules without relationships lead to rebellion."

    Both are needed. One, without the other, is problematic.
     
  12. Jim1999

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    My Father could not read nor write. He was firm, but positive. One word from him and we did what he said. He never laid a hand on us.

    My Mum cold barely read and write. She was strict, one word from her, or a frying pan, or whatever came to her hand, and we then obeyed........of course, we never talked back when father was home.

    I was made to go to school and learn, hence the boy's boarding school.

    Both parents were generous to a fault. We both respected and loved our parents and wanted very much to be like them when we grew up. They showed us how to live in the world and treat people.

    We were virtually sent to church every Sunday, but parents seldom shadowed the doors. Yet, we all grew up with principles. So, life can be taught without example in some areas. Both parents greatly approved my learning in "religion" and backed me up every step of the way. My father came from a Bible-toting home, and mother from a Christian Science home, but we all became Church of England. My parnts never objected to my becoming a Baptist minister and even attended my small churches a few times.

    So, it is possible, my friends. We can come from all backgrounds and still come out on top.

    Cheers,

    Jim
     
  13. Berean

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    "To soon old to OLD to late SMART"

    Generally we become experts after we get our children raised by looking back on the mistakes we made. The Lord blessed me with a family (which includes three living children nine grandchildren and six great grand children and I see most of them at least once a week as they all live within fifty miles of me) that I am exceedingly proud of yet I made many mistakes in the rearing of them.
    I would like to share these comments with you.

    I. All children being different take a different combination of Love/Chastisement. Some 20% L vs 90% C some the opposite and some 50% vs 50%.

    II. Taking or seeing they are in church three or four times a week, take a youth choir trip on spring break and a mission trip to the geto in the summer will not surfice. The scripture commands the parent to bring up a child in the way it should go, not the church.
    III. The hardest thing to know is when and how far to let them "out of the nest".
    I would be interested in hearing your experiences.

    PS; Don't give advice to your children on how to handle their children unless asked for.
     
  14. Aaron

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    I've heard these, but I don't agree with them. I agree with this statement: Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child. A child is a rebel by nature. The rules are the rules in my house. If my child wants me to explain them, I will, but there is no need for me to try to get my child on my side. It's my way or the highway.
     
  15. Aaron

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    I think the advice of the aged should be sought and esteemed. The older women are told to teach the younger to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

    My oldest is only 16, so I haven't had to face the so-called "teen rebellion" yet, if there is such a thing. The "Terrible Twos" lasted all of five minutes. That's how long it took to warm their bottoms.
     
  16. rbell

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    I think you mis-interpreted McDowell's statements. McDowell means that if we do seek to build a strong relationship with our kids, then the rules we enact will not be effective. Furthermore, strong relationship is not synonymous with "best bud." But we as parents should be uncompromising in our standards, but do it in the context of showing and telling and displaying to our child how much we love them. You can't have a hotel with a set of rules and call it a home.
     
  17. Jkdbuck76

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    The Mrs and I are pretty much bad cop/good cop. She does most of the discipline since she's currently a stay at home mother.

    Our 2 year old is like a lot of 2 year olds and he can reall push your buttons! We just remain fair. Remain consistent. And we love him 110% and we thank God for him.

    Part of it is that his older sister was stillborn. So we never got to enjoy her. I'll never know for sure, but I firmly believe that losing her turned me into someone who could be Super Dad. I mean, when our son was born and to hear him cry brought tears to my eyes. It was the best sound I've ever heard in my life.

    Love your children. Don't spoil them. If they are unruly in church, don't take them to the nursery and give them a toy to play with because you just taught them If you're bad, you get to go to the nursery and play with a toy.
     
  18. Baptist Believer

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    Not always.

    My father had a very strained relationship with my grandfather because he was exceptionally strict and completely inflexible. My father was the only one of my grandfather's children (all boys) who had a happy home life. One of my uncles because just like him and made life difficult for his own family. The other uncle rebelled against it and lived a life of alcoholism and irresponsibility also causing problems with his family.

    My father was strict, but he could also understand what it is like to be a child / teen / young adult and was flexible about some things when it was appropriate.
     
  19. annsni

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    I absolutely agree with Josh McDowell. I've been raising 4 children. My oldest will be 19 next month and my youngest just turned 6 - so I've got quite the age spread and age stages that I'm dealing with right now. I love my kids - I love spending time with them - I enjoy them and find a lot of pleasure in being around them. They know me. I'm the immovable object when it comes to my parenting. I make a decision and I pretty much don't budge - especially with those who are strong willed (my 16 year old) but I do so in a loving and respectful way. My teens' friends have told my girls that they wish their parents were like my husband and me because their parents either just want to be friends or just want to be the parent - and the other part is very much missed. When my children were younger, I was a bit more of the disciplinarian than I am now - because that set a stage for later on. Now I still have to discipline at times but more often than not, I'm more of a mentor who is trying to impart wisdom to them so that they can not just have rules but discernment to know how to use them.

    Parenting is not just a job - it's an adventure. And we need to have enough of a relationship with our children to know them the way God knows us. I can know that when my children were two that they were acting out because they were hungry or tired - or just because they were acting out. There would be different consequences to each situation because of the influences in those particular times. If my child disobeyed me, I would deal with it but a willful defiance would garner different consequences than a child who's just at the end of the day and has had it and can't control themselves any longer. The former would get a spanking. The latter would get a scolding and would be put to bed (in a loving way - never punishing them to bed). Without that relationship with them, how can I raise them properly?
     
  20. abcgrad94

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    This man's children all rebelled against him and God. They have a wrong view of God, as someone who only wants to judge and discipline people, not someone who really loves them and wants the best for them. Well-mannered? Not really, more like depressed, abusive, withdrawn, and angry. They do not seem to understand unconditional love because their father never showed them that. They think they must be "perfect" to earn God's love and so they have given up. It is very sad.

    The term "my way or the highway" should NEVER be used on a child. As LeBuick said, it isn't all about you as a parent. It's about the child and rearing that child GOD's way, not "my way."
     

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