My wife is unsaved and I don't know what to do.

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Christ Bearer, Dec 14, 2005.

  1. Christ Bearer

    Christ Bearer
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2005
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    0
    The problem I have is this...I can't decide on a church. If I continue to go to the one I grew up in, I doubt she'll ever come with me. The church is, to a point, legalistic. The pastor believes in the KJVO, and while, in my opinion, it is the best, it isn't the only (contrary to what I've stated previously). Anyway, the pastor believes things that just put my wife off, not that she's been recently, but he does meet the stereotype of Bible-thumper (which for me isn't a problem, but for an unsaved person?).
    I guess my question is this, should I try to find a church that's more relevant, or should I stick with the Independent King James Bible-believing church?
     
  2. bapmom

    bapmom
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2005
    Messages:
    3,091
    Likes Received:
    0
    I personally know a couple who a few years ago was in this exact situation. The wife was convinced that the preacher was nothing more than a wacko "Bible-thumper", and she didn't want to come.

    The church began praying for her, her husband stopped preaching AT her, and she started coming to church with her hubby because she wanted to retain her family's unity. (Im not implying that you are preaching at her, btw, that was just their situation.)

    For a year or so she was on the outskirts. But she found out that the preacher was not JUST a Bible-thumper. He really loves the people, and just wants whats best, and is an excellent preacher.

    Let me tell you, she is now a pillar of our church. She is the math teacher at our Christian school, she teaches a Sunday School class, and she is loved by one and all. She is one of the ladies also often asked to speak at our yearly Ladies Retreat. Her husband is now one of our assistant pastors, as well.

    If this is the church you believe you ought to go to, than by all means keep going.
     
  3. Johnv

    Johnv
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2001
    Messages:
    21,321
    Likes Received:
    0
    Christ Bearer, you have two problems:

    1 - Your wife is unsaved. I fail to see why you married an unsaved person. You can't "fix" that problem by workin oon her. You must accept that she's unsaved, and live your ife with that knowlege. It ridiculous marry someone and try to change them after the fact. This is a problem you cannot change. Accept that she is unsaved and move on. If you cannot accept this fact, and accept her for what she is, it will ruin your marriage, and the blame will be upon you for marrying an unsaved person in the first place. Sorry to be so harsh, but I speak out of concern and caring, not out of fingerwagging.

    2 - You attend a church that is not consudive to your family. This is a problem easily solved. You should leave, and do so immediately. You should then find a church that the both of you are comfportable attending and supporting, and that both of you agree on.
     
  4. GrannyGumbo

    GrannyGumbo
    Expand Collapse
    <img src ="/Granny.gif">

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2002
    Messages:
    11,414
    Likes Received:
    0
    I agree with bapmom - and never compromise! I will help you pray for your dear wife.
     
  5. bapmom

    bapmom
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2005
    Messages:
    3,091
    Likes Received:
    0
    but Johnv,

    we can't take advice on which church to attend from the unsaved person. And based on what he's written before, I think he has become saved after he was already married.......
     
  6. FBCPastorsWife

    FBCPastorsWife
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2004
    Messages:
    4,271
    Likes Received:
    0
    My husband would probably be regarded in the same manner as your pastor. He is KJVO and very conservative. He does not stand for compromise. But one thing he always makes a point of is that lost people do not need our standards...they need our Saviour. That is what your wife should encounter if she decided to go with you to church. It should not be a situation where people look down on her until she is saved and she should be welcomed with open arms. If your pastor preaches Bible then His word will not return void. I have seen the case where some pastors like to be more opinionated in the pulpit instead of giving Bible truth and this will certainly turn off an unbeliever.

    One thing I would certainly do is to ask for special prayer from your pastor and your church family that your wife would come to church with you and that her heart and mind would be receptive to the Holy Spirit and to God's Word.

    I hope this helps somewhat [​IMG]
     
  7. James_Newman

    James_Newman
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2004
    Messages:
    5,013
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't know what kind of church an unbeliever will be comfortable in, but I am pretty sure it will be the kind that is not preaching what you as a believer need to hear. Prayer is the best thing, constant prayer.
     
  8. All about Grace

    All about Grace
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2002
    Messages:
    1,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    Find a church where she can hear the gospel without the nonessential hurdles.
     
  9. Christ Bearer

    Christ Bearer
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2005
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well, when we married, though I accepted Christ as a child, I was thoroughly backslidden. I was actually an atheist at the time. I do, obviously accept the fact, though I hope so very much that this will change, that she is unsaved. I know that I cannot change this. God can, but I cannot.
    As for your suggestion about finding a church that we can both agree on, right now, that isn't going to happen, as she doen't really agree with church at all. I just know from what she says (and from what I know about her) that if she ever did choose to start coming to a church with me, it wouldn't be this one. So should I stay at the church I currently attend in hopes that she will one day ask me to go to a different one she would feel better about so she would go...or should I go ahead and find a church that I think she would be more likely to go to if she ever came around. Keep in mind that right now, she won't agree to any church.
     
  10. gekko

    gekko
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2005
    Messages:
    2,030
    Likes Received:
    0
    i also agree with bapmom. and will be praying for you Christ Bearer, and will get other people to pray as well.

    God will change her heart. all you can do is encourage her and give her little bits of the gospel everyday. never give up.
     
  11. All about Grace

    All about Grace
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2002
    Messages:
    1,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    You have just answered your own question.
     
  12. Johnv

    Johnv
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2001
    Messages:
    21,321
    Likes Received:
    0
    Marriage dynamics don't change because a person is saved or not. Obviously, the saved person will be speaking with more wisdom on the topic, but spouses should be in agreement on what church to attend.
    That makes more sence, then. But the same applies. She was unsaved when they married. He knew that, and he can't expect her to change. The fact that he is now saved doesn't change that fact.
     
  13. bapmom

    bapmom
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2005
    Messages:
    3,091
    Likes Received:
    0
    ChristBearer,

    but your limited human knowledge is what is speaking right now, when you say "she'd never come to this one." Im telling you, with God even this is possible!

    The couple I told you about? My own husband said he thought she'd NEVER come to church. HER husband used to say exactly the same thing you just posted about her. I mean exactly. No one ever thought she'd be willing to come. Look at her now!

    Im just trying to give you some hope. Especially since she refuses to go ANYwhere, why should you stop going there if thats where God wants you?

    She's not saved yet, unfortunately. You keep praying for her, and don't shove it in her face or do anything to try to make her feel guilty. And just wait and see what the Lord can do!
     
  14. Christ Bearer

    Christ Bearer
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2005
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    0
    My pastor of the church I'm currently attending also thinks it's very important to come to the Sunday evening services and Wednesday night services, even though my wife will fell as though I'm taking time away from her for "church" and would likely get quite angry...what about that?
     
  15. James_Newman

    James_Newman
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2004
    Messages:
    5,013
    Likes Received:
    0
    Amen bapmom. ChristBearer, my wife is faithfully attending with me a church that she insisted she could not attend. Go to God and believe that He will give the victory, just be faithful no matter what.
     
  16. Johnv

    Johnv
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2001
    Messages:
    21,321
    Likes Received:
    0

    I think with that attitude, you're on the right track. Again, sorry for the directness of my post. It's important that we refrain from trying to "change" our spouses. It's always detrimental to the marriage when we try to do this. So yes, leaving it to the Holy Spirit is what you should be doing, and I applaud youo for recognizing the difference.

    Then perhaps in the mean time, you could continue to attend a church that you're comfortable with. If she respect you, she'll respect your decision. If, however, in the future, and regardless of her salvific state, if she ever expresses an interest in attending church, then it would be in the best interest of the both of you to perhaps visit a church that the both of you are comfortable with.
    That's entirely up to you. At this point, neither one is imminent.

    But I suspect, from reading between the lines, that there's a part of you that is a little uncomfortable where you are, but because you've been attending regularly, you're hesitant to look at other churches at the moment. If that's the case, I would lean toards starting the search for another church home.
    The whole attendence/salvation issue aside, IMO, your family comes before church. If your wife feels threatened because you're attending church three times a week, then her concerns should be addressed. I suspect it's less aboout church and more about you being somewhere three times a week. For example, would you be threatened if she went out with her girlfriends three times a week inatead of spending some of that time with you? I know which one I'd pick.
     
  17. bapmom

    bapmom
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2005
    Messages:
    3,091
    Likes Received:
    0
    Christbearer,

    when you are the spouse of an unsaved person I believe you are in a delicate and sometimes tough situation. You will need to have a balance there. My preacher also feels that all the services are important, but he also understands that people's situations vary.

    My advice would be to either cut out one of those services for now....OR promise her that you will spend an extra evening with her in its place. Perhaps you have a hobby that you could cut time out of in order to spend more time with her? Perhaps she'd appreciate a weekly date-night....thats kind of a given for most of us ladies. [​IMG]

    She does need to see that church is not taking the place of HER in your life. (This is not the same as God's position in your life.) It should not be a competition between her and church. Especially right now, she needs to see that you are giving up something in order to spend time with her and still be able to go to church.
     
  18. cojosh

    cojosh
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2002
    Messages:
    206
    Likes Received:
    0
    ChristBearer,
    you are in one of the most difficult situations that exists for the Christian, but God is able to bear you through it. I know it's hard to have an unsaved spouse and I'm sure it tears you apart inside. Your only option is to pray earnestly for God to intervene. He will do His part. It's up to you to do yours. You must remember that your wife is watching your every move. It could very well be that your testimony will be what brings her to place where she will listen to the gospel.


    As far as changing churches is concerned, that's none of our business. That's an issue that can only be settled correctly between you and the Lord. It's a tricky one, so really pray and seek God's will. If there are legitimate problems that are keeping her from your church then these need to be examined. Ovearll, I agree with bapmom. If this is where God wants you then you better not leave or your situation could get worse.

    I'll pray for you.
     
  19. guitarpreacher

    guitarpreacher
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2005
    Messages:
    759
    Likes Received:
    0
    Christ Bearer,

    does your wife give you specific reason why she won't go to church?
     
  20. Me4Him

    Me4Him
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2004
    Messages:
    2,214
    Likes Received:
    0
    Is it the "Pastor" or the "Spirit of Satan" keeping her from attending the church, don't forget this is a "Spiritual warfare" we're fighting.

    "Excuses" never come from "heaven".

    Can she be saved in a church that is "Compatibile" with her present "Spirit"??

    By making her aware of the spiritual warfare going on, might help her "decide" to "join" the winning Team.
     

Share This Page

Loading...