Need some godly advice.... don't know what to do.

Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by bodyofchrist32, May 4, 2010.

  1. bodyofchrist32

    bodyofchrist32
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2009
    Messages:
    45
    Likes Received:
    0
    Okay, here's the situation. God called me into the ministry about three years ago. Not as a pastor, but rather as an evangelist. Since that time, I have been diligently studying the Word of God along with taking seminary classes in an effort to prepare. God recently opened a door for me, by leading my wife and I to a new church, where there are many opportunities for evangelism. Everything falls on the pastor right now. He doesn't have any help at all. I am scheduled to meet with Him tomorrow night to discuss the possibility of me working with him, so he gets the help he needs and in turn I gain the experience I need. However, yesterday, I became very burdened. My wife has been struggling with something in her life, and she told me that she was going to devote herself to prayer all day yesterday, in an effort to draw closer to God. I awoke to find her glued to the television and immersed in a book. Both the movie and the book were not anything that could edify a believer. After several hours, I asked her why she wasn't seeking God as she had planned. At this point, she became very angry and hateful acting towards me, exclaiming that "just because you like to read your Bible all the time, doesn't mean that I do", and "just because you like to pray all day, doesn't mean that I do". She then went on to tell me that she doesn't even want to overcome this thing in her life which she knows is a hindrance in her walk with the Lord, and that the reason she said she did was so I would shut up about it. She then blatantly told me "I don't want to surrender everything to God. I did, but now I don't". She later took it a step further, when I asked her if it bothered her that she wasn't where she should be with God. Her response was "I don't care". She told me she didn't care about being right with God, or anything else for that matter, and she didn't know why. She also told me she was under no conviction at all. Finally, when going to bed last night, she told me she wasn't going to pray because she didn't want to, and she asked that I not pray for her. I'm pretty sure that my wife's rebellion against God prohibits me from beginning the work that I am meeting with the pastor about tomorrow. Am I correct? Also, how do I lead my wife back to God. Every effort on my behalf seems to push her farther away. What do I do? Please help!
     
  2. TomVols

    TomVols
    Expand Collapse
    Administrator
    Administrator

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2000
    Messages:
    11,170
    Likes Received:
    0
    Stay connected to a church, but I'd hold off on starting any ministry right now. You have something to work through with your wife. I don't know the particulars, but something is going on. You should have honest open communication when it's appropriate, and seek counsel when necessary. Without knowing further details, not much more than I could tell you. But to your main question, no....hold off on the ministry. It will still be there. If you launch out now, your wife won't be with you apparently. What good is that?

    You're a husband first. Take care of the household. Then take care of the household of faith.
     
  3. Tom Bryant

    Tom Bryant
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2006
    Messages:
    4,439
    Likes Received:
    0
    Amen! Give God a chance to work in both of you.
     
  4. Winman

    Winman
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2009
    Messages:
    14,768
    Likes Received:
    0
    I am just a layman, but I agree with the others, slow down for now.

    I read a good book once that said rebellion like this stems from a person feeling trapped. Many people do view the Christian life as being imprisioned, and being prevented from enjoying life. From what you wrote, this is the impression I am getting from your wife.

    Sadly, (and I can speak from personal experience) we often find out the hard way that those things we think we are missing out on are the very things that can destroy us or disqualify us for service. If your wife can be made to understand this, perhaps she will repent of this rebellion.

    For now you just need to be the best example you can, and not put too much pressure on her. Pray and ask others to pray for her, but be very careful, she will get very angry if she thinks you are telling everyone about her rebellion.
     
  5. thegospelgeek

    thegospelgeek
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2008
    Messages:
    1,139
    Likes Received:
    0
    Satan will always attack when and where he can do the most damage. I agree with holding off on the ministry a while. If God is calling you, the calling will remain. I suggest giving your wife some room. Let her speak to you and you listen. Don't advise, don't correct, just listen. Hear what she has to say. Let her know your love for her. Ask yourself if you have been so wraopped up in your studies and preperation that you have neglected her? I know that is not what you want to here, but you need to look inside yourself. Continue to pray for her in private, seek God's will. Don't forget one responsibility for another. Remember the scriptures say you should manage your home. It is as much a command as any of the others.
     
  6. exscentric

    exscentric
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2004
    Messages:
    4,253
    Likes Received:
    16
    Sounds kinda like someone much bigger than you is already working on her - stand by and pray and support her as you have opportunity. If the Spirit can't do it, then doubt you can :thumbs: just be there for her and respond to her needs as she allows you to.
     
  7. jaigner

    jaigner
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2009
    Messages:
    2,274
    Likes Received:
    0
    I understand how difficult a position this must be for you. It's always difficult to hear things like this in people we love.

    But you have to remember that there are things going on under the surface in her life that she's not verbalizing right now, likely because she can't.

    My advice regarding the leadership would depend on the capacity. I don't think you would be explicitly excluded from a position, but it might not be the best idea to take on an official capacity at this point, especially while your wife is processing these things.

    But if the capacity is that of lay leadership, I would suggest that you go ahead with it. God is working a divine purpose out in your wife's life right now.

    Also, on a personal note, I know how alarming it can be to hear those sorts of things come out of your spouse's mouth, but, again, it's likely just an overflow of inward emotion. Don't be too alarmed by it at this point. As far as she is concerned, your ministry to her now is one of prayer and support.
     
  8. Tom Butler

    Tom Butler
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2005
    Messages:
    9,031
    Likes Received:
    0
    bodyofchrist,

    Something is obviously not right with her, and it may be something that no amount of advice on this board can fix.

    I love golf. I play as much as I can. Years ago, I detected that my wife (now deceased) was not pleased with the amount of golf I was playing.

    So one day, I took a deep breath and told her "I love you. You are first in my life. Your happiness is my primary goal. If it will make you happy, I will never swing another golf club."

    She said, "that's what I wanted to hear."

    My heart sank a bit, because she was really going to make me give up something that I loved.

    Then she said, "I don't want you to give up golf. I want you to be WILLING to give it up for my sake. Now, grab your sticks and get out of here."

    Putting off your call to ministry may not solve her problem, but are you willing to do so? Are you willing to give it up completely for her sake?

    If you are, does she know that?
     
  9. menageriekeeper

    menageriekeeper
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2004
    Messages:
    7,152
    Likes Received:
    0
    Want a woman's point of view? That one sentence makes me wonder if the "something" your wife is struggling with is something YOU would prefer her to be without, or something that SHE recognizes as detrimental to her walk with God.

    In other words, who decided that this "something" needed to be gotten rid of? Is this "something" an issue that you think might reflect badly on your ministry if she didn't get rid of it? And along with this, do you love your wife enough to not nag until God points it out to her?

    If your wife feels no real burden from the Holy Spirit to rid herself of this "something" then why push her? If she is saved, whatever this is has already been forgiven, if it were sin, and if its not sin, but perference, well perferences change with the wind.

    I want to say this as gently as I can. Just because something is an issue for you, doesn't mean it is an issue for your wife. Just from your post, I'm sensing that you have been pushing for this change and in her natural desire to please you she's failed to tell you exactly how she feels about this issue. Women do that. We let you men think what you want if that keeps you happy until you get us pushed into a corner. Then we come out fighting as your wife did this morning.

    I suggest that you sit down and look back over the past 3 years. What changes have occured in your wife's life? How much has she "gone along with" simply because she loves you and not because she has felt any real calling of God to be anything but the wife she is and has been for the years you've been married?

    Beyond that, what the men have suggested above is good advice. You and your wife need to renew your communication with one another before you take any big steps toward ministry. She doesn't seem ready for that.
     
  10. poodle78

    poodle78
    Expand Collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2004
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    0
    Mark 10:29-30 (New International Version)


    29"I tell you the truth," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel 30will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life.
     
  11. abcgrad94

    abcgrad94
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2007
    Messages:
    5,533
    Likes Received:
    0
    The pastors here have given you some excellent advice. As a pastor's wife who was (at first) adamant against her hubby becoming a pastor, I'll share my two cents.

    Your post was about yourself, your dreams, and how your wife affects your ability to accomplish those dreams. What about her, her dreams, and your duty to minister to her FIRST, before you go charging off into the great big sea of ministry?

    This might sound harsh, but if you plan to be in ministry your very first job is to love and care for your wife. Build your marriage first. Dude, you're trying to build the roof and decorate the house before you've built the foundation! It takes TIME. Spend time talking to her about HER needs, HER desires, and HER happiness. You want a happy wife, happy home, and happy ministry? Stop focusing on what she needs to do for your benefit and worry about what YOU are supposed to be doing--loving her.

    When my dh first told me he wanted to become a pastor, I flatly told him not to quit his day job. I wasn't on board, and if he pushed me, I'd quit church altogether. I was struggling with some deep unresolved issues and after just a few years of marriage, I already felt that ministry and church meant more to him than I did. I had so many needs, but dh was always busy doing things at church, doing things for people at church or at work, and I got the leftovers. It didn't help that he was young, handsome, and everyone thought he was perfection and probably "too good" for me. I asked him to back off about the ministry and just pray that God would heal me and show us BOTH whether or not it was his will.

    I thank God my dh did just that. He spent more time at home, more time listening and loving and learning how to better balance our marriage, children, and church. The end result was that God did a work in my heart that was necessary before we could effectively work together. We now have a strong marriage and a mutual respect for each other, which is needed to survive ministry.
     
  12. poodle78

    poodle78
    Expand Collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2004
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    0
    Reading some of these posts, I now understand 1 Corinthians 7:28 much better:

     
  13. Tom Bryant

    Tom Bryant
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2006
    Messages:
    4,439
    Likes Received:
    0
    So what advice are you giving him?
     
  14. poodle78

    poodle78
    Expand Collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2004
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    0
    The advice I would give is this: if he is absolutely sure God is calling him to the ministry, he shouldn't let anything keep him from it. He is the one who will answer to God for his disobedience, not his wife. In Genesis, Eve is the one who ate of the forbidden fruit first, but everywhere in scripture we are told that sin entered into the world through Adam.

    Of course that's easier said than done, but it shouldn't be.
     
  15. Tom Bryant

    Tom Bryant
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2006
    Messages:
    4,439
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think you are reading into those verses more than is really there. The ministry especially in a local church is tough enough if both understand the call. It is nearly impossible if one wants no part of the ministry.
     
  16. poodle78

    poodle78
    Expand Collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2004
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm not a pastor, and wouldn't desire the call, so I am writing from a position of ignorance. But I was not aware God would call a man to the ministry if it was ok with the man's wife.

    Acts 5:29 - Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men. (or wives?)
     
  17. abcgrad94

    abcgrad94
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2007
    Messages:
    5,533
    Likes Received:
    0
    No one here has said a man needs his wife's permission to be in the ministry, poodle. The real issue here is that when calls a man, he also equips him. If the man's wife is not yet in agreement, then there is still some equipping to do before that man is truly ready.

    Remember when God called Abraham? A whole lot of time passed, and many events took place before God revealed to him exactly what he was to do. Just because someone is called doesn't mean they shouldn't wait on God's timing.

    Ministry is a good thing. However, blindly jumping into it without waiting on God's timing would be extremely foolish, and quite possibly harmful, as we have learned when Abraham and Sarah tried to rush God for a son.
     
  18. Bro K

    Bro K
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2009
    Messages:
    143
    Likes Received:
    0
    I Timothy 3:1 "This is a true saying, If a man DESIRE the office of a bishop, HE DESIRETH a good work. A desire is not a commandment nor a calling.
     
  19. Whowillgo

    Whowillgo
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2008
    Messages:
    132
    Likes Received:
    0
    Excellent advice, you may have surrendered to a call but maybe your wife has not felt the call. Open communications about her understanding of what you expect might take you a long ways. Those of us in the ministry are infamous for simply expecting our families to understand the demands of our work and preparation. My wife says I go to the Preacher's world on Saturday night and I don't get home until Sunday night.

    Be gentile let her know you will walk with her the same way you expect her to walk with you.

    I would agree with those above that you need to hold off until God says it is time to start the work.
     

Share This Page

Loading...