PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS MAY 17, 2013 THE WHITE HOUSE, WASHINGTON, D.C. Good evening, my fellow Americans. In the life of a country, there are few times as monumental as now and few announcements as life-changing as the one I'm about to make. I ask everyone to pay close attention to what I'm about to say. As a child growing up in Kenya, I learned the value of honesty. Nothing reveals a man's character more than his willingness to tell the truth even when it is tough. To my own discredit, I have often failed to live up to my own standard in this area. One place where I have fallen short is the area of religion. I am here to tell you all that I have secretly been a Muslim all my life. Recently, I have decided to re-connect with my Islamic faith. The United States will henceforth be a Muslim state. This will mean many changes in the way we live our lives. All schools which receive Federal funding will be required to, in the next five years, transition to radical Islamic madrasas. I have also issued an executive order suspending the First Amendment. It will be mandatory for all Americans to convert to Islam. For those who don't comply, FEMA is activating their secret network of concentration camps all across the country. To help the process along, we will be importing two million lesbian Muslims who will have taxpayer funded abortions. They will then tour the country demonstrating proper burqua wear. I understand this news comes as a shock to many people and I recognize the disruption it causes in people's lives. However, it is what we must do as a nation. Thank you all for listening. May Allah bless you and may Allah bless the United States of America.