non christian roommate- please help

Discussion in '2005 Archive' started by chipsgirl, Dec 16, 2004.

  1. chipsgirl

    chipsgirl
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    I need some advice on this one real bad! I just moved into a new place with a new roommate almost 2 months ago. From a mutual friend, I was told that this girl and I were very similar and after talking with her quite a bit, I believed it. I thought we both were clean, didn't drink, didn't keep late nights, etc.. I was wrong. Within the first week she had a guy spend the night who was engaged (not to her). He broke off his engagement the next day and stayed over many more times the next two weeks. She never asked if it was okay with me and she never introduced me to him. Eventually we talked about that and I told her I didn't like overnight guests. That seemed to sink in for awhile but he stayed again the other night. Also, there is always liquor and beer in the fridge or counters which I am not okay with. Her cats have ruined the carpet and they are sick so I keep my cat locked in my room so he doesnt catch anything from them. :mad: She's very irresponsible in many other ways that I don't have time or room to mention.
    My friend and I have invited her to church and she says she'll come but she doesn't. I'm guessing she's not a Christian. I pray that she finds her way to Jesus but in the meantime, I don't want to live with her. I think she needs to move out because I am the main signer on the lease but I don't want to be a bad person and kick her out. I thought about telling the landlord that she ruined the carpet and get his advice but then he may kick us both out. Am I a bad Christian for not being patient with her? Any advice would be appreciated.
     
  2. dianetavegia

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    Since you're the main signer on the lease, you're responsible for the damage to the carpet! That, my friend, is a major expense!

    Our son is in a similar situation. He and an army buddy (female) are renting a high priced condo from the army buddy's sister. It's an investment for her. The army buddy is a slob. She allows her art school friends to come and do projects there. Jon works nights and sleeps days. He comes home to his private bath filthy from drunks throwing up, etc. He thinks someone has been sleeping in his bed at times. Now the army buddy has been called to active duty and he has to find a new roommate by Jan. 1st.

    You certainly need rules but if she's paying her half and you didn't discuss these things ahead of time, best you could do is ask her to move out. I would NOT tolerate her having sleepovers!

    Diane
     
  3. chipsgirl

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    I'm horrible at confrontation. The worst part is that we have the same best friend and she will be mad at me. They use to live together but apparently none of these things occured or she just didn't care one. I guess if she's a true friend she will understand that I have to do what I have to do.
     
  4. Plain Old Bill

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    She will. This girl needs to straighten up and fly right or leave. If this don't happen you will be the one paying the price.
     
  5. chipsgirl

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    How do I go about it though? I don't want to pile it all on her at once or be childish and post a list of rules.
     
  6. James_Newman

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    You need to find out if she is a believer. If she is, and she is living this way, you need to admonish her with the word of God. Jesus said 'if you love me, keep my commandments.' Ask her if she loves Jesus or not? Then show her from scripture what Jesus says about servants who do not love their Lord.

    I would not assume that she is not a believer, just because she is not living right with the Lord. She needs to repent of some sins, though, and probably needs a lot of prayer from some holy Christians.
     
  7. chipsgirl

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    I pray for her all the time. I have talked to my pastor about the situation many times and he prays too.
    I have serious problems with people who claim to be believers but don't live it. If they truly believe then they wouldn't disobey God so much. I know we aren't all perfect but those of us who are true believers try our best.
     
  8. James_Newman

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    If she isn't a believer, it wouldn't be a very good testimony for you to kick her out of her home because she acts like an unbeliever. However, it's very possible that she is a believer, in which case she needs to be made to be ashamed of her behaviour. But you will have to bring it up, you can't just let it go.

    Pr 24
    11 ΒΆ If thou forbear to deliver them that are drawn unto death, and those that are ready to be slain;
    12 If thou sayest, Behold, we knew it not; doth not he that pondereth the heart consider it? and he that keepeth thy soul, doth not he know it? and shall not he render to every man according to his works?

    It's your job as salt of the earth to preserve this girls life. I would pray up, then just go out into the living room and ask her up front, 'Do you know what will happen to you when you die?' And go where it leads. If she is not saved, she may very well be broken and receptive to the word. The way of the transgressor is hard.

    If she says she knows she is going to be with the Lord because He died for her (that is still the gospel of salvation, right?) then she needs to be rebuked for her sin. And she will probably not want to hear it. But she needs to be made aware that she is not going to be able to escape the Lord at the judgment seat of Christ. If you keep after her and keep praying, she will either repent or she will leave.
     
  9. chipsgirl

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    She showed me a teddy bear she has and it's holding a rosary and I asked her if she's Catholic and she said she was Baptised Catholic but doesn't consider herself that. She doesn't consider herself anything. Therefore I dont think she will understand my problems with her non-Christian ways and she probably sees nothing wrong with her behavior. I would love to see her change her ways but I know it can't happen overnight. My health is pretty fragile and the stress from this ordeal has made me more sick. I can't let my cat out of my room either since hers are sick. He's punished and locked in a room so the sick one's can roam. Not fair. I want to see her become a Christian, I just don't know if I can live with her in the process of her getting there. I would love to guide her but it's going to be hard. I need everyone's prayers.
     
  10. Marcia

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    Chipsgirl, I think it is safe to assume this person is not a believer.

    Just because you are a believer does not mean you need to tolerate open sin, her cats making messes, etc. You need to take charge as the main signer of the lease.

    Pray for wisdom and strenght. In a loving way, tell her that the conditions are such that you cannot live this way and you are giving her a chance to clean up her act. Tell her that as a believer, you cannot have sleepovers with the opposite sex under your roof. Tell her about the cat problem and ask her if she's willing to change and live by these rules. If not, give her 30 or 60 days to find a new place.

    It might help if a Christian friend would be willing to be with you while you say all this. But do it in love, and pray for God to give you the love. Let her know that you do care about her but that there are certain things and conditions you cannot live with.
     
  11. Marcia

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    P.S. This is a good lesson for next time you look for a roommie! Make the conditons clear up front and say that if they are not kept, the person will have to move out!
     
  12. chipsgirl

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    It's just all so frustrating because she misled me. I always take up for the underdog even if it means making my life miserable. It's time I quit being a doormat.
     
  13. dianetavegia

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    Well this is a perfect time for you to tell her that you didn't realize how different you are and that it's against your Christian beliefs for a man and woman to sleep together outside of marriage and her 'sleep overs' hurt YOUR testimony! I'd tell her that you'd like for her to start looking for a new place and that you'll be looking for a roommate with 'like beliefs'.

    Can you afford the place alone if it takes a while to clean up and find someone? Also, I have a formula to remove the odor and stains from cat urine. If you'd like it, email me.

    [email protected]
     
  14. chipsgirl

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    The worst part of all of this is that we have the same best friend and she's not going to be happy with me. They have been friends longer so she defends her. None of her actions should be defended though.
     
  15. Marcia

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    Then if the other girl is really your best friend, she'll understand. You cannot continue in this situation. Not only is it stressful, but it is compromising your witness for Christ, as Diana said.

    We can't always make people happy, Chipsgirl, especially when we take certain stands the world does not like. That is part of being a believer. You can take your stand in love and your roommie and "best friend" might still be unahppy with you, but that is the cost of taking that stand. That is part of what we have to do in life. Sometimes situations call for that. This is also part of growing up, and taking responsibility, letting the chips fall where they may, etc.
     
  16. Marcia

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    Also, if your best friend gets angry or does not understand, she is not really being much of a friend.

    If you always try to do what makes people happy, you will end up compromising in all sorts of areas. It is clear that this girl thinks she can take advantage of you, and that is exactly what she is doing. You must put an end to it now.

    You've received good advice here, which is what you asked for. Now put it to use!
     
  17. chipsgirl

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    When you put it like that it does seem much clearer as to my reasonings behind doing what I need to do. It IS compromising my witness. Part of me feels like I should just suck it up and live with her and show her to Christ. I'm afraid that I would be letting her slip away otherwise. BUT I just need to give up the fight and realize I can't help everyone. God has many ways of revealing himself to others. Its her choice of whether or not she chooses to open her eyes to it. I'm just another chance that she's letting pass her by. :(
     
  18. Marcia

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    Chipsgirl, you might be helping her more by telling her your standards and that she must leave. Letting the situation continue only enables her to keep on in her lifestyle, lets her take advantage of you, and may be contributing to her thinking you are just a weak doormat Christian (and she may think all Christians are this way). Think of it as tough love.

    If you kept on letting her live this way under her roof, you could no really "show her to Christ" at all. You show Christ to her more by your standards. And, as I said, tell her in love but do it firmly.

    Do you mind giving us your age or approximate age?

    For what's it worth, we are here for you! [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  19. Marcia

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    I should have checked my post better. The 2nd paragraph should read (correcting spelling and bad typing or grammar is a major hangover from being a Lit major!):

    If you keep on letting her live this way under your roof, you cannot really "show her to Christ" at all. You show Christ to her more by your standards. And, as I said, tell her in love but do it firmly.
     
  20. chipsgirl

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    Marcia, I'm 27. I'm getting to the age where I don't want roommates and just want my space. Especially thanks to this situation! However, it's not financially feasible at the moment.

    As for grammer, I never noticed. Mine's always horrible.
     

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