Parenting advice, please

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Spinach, Nov 29, 2009.

  1. Spinach

    Spinach
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    I have a bunch of kids. Not as many as the old woman in the shoe, but still a bunch. And my bunch of kids has taken on my love of talking. But to the extreme. This house is noisy all.the.time and I'm gonna go out of my mind.

    While I fully realize that I cannot have the quiet, peaceful house in my dreams, I do think that having a calmer house is a possibility.

    I'll give you an example:

    This morning after breakfast, it was time for clean-up chores. They did their chores---no problem there---but while they did them, they were ALL talking at the same time. How they understand one another and keep the many conversations straight is beyond me, but they do it. It doesn't bother them in the least. But my left eye began to twitch (not really). That is a LOT of noise.

    I have a friend who, when her many children all take to talking at once, she sends them outside. Well, that works when there are no indoor chores to be done, but what about all the other times?

    Is it too much to ask? If it's not, how do I accomplish the task without pinning on the "Naggy Mom" badge? Should I just get over it and let them be kids?

    Oh, and don't get me started about time around the table. I spend most of my table time shushing, directing voice traffic, and getting an ulcer. Sigh. I would like to enjoy a pleasant meal without constant chatter. And I'm not exaggerrating. If anything, I haven't painted a noisy enough picture. However you are picturing this, magnify it. It's loud (not yelling loud. Just a crowd of people talking, loud).

    I'm not one of those "Kids should be seen and not heard" people, but man I could use some quiet.

    And for the record, they are this way from the very moment they open their eyes in the morning until they close them at night (and I'm not convinced they don't talk in their sleep. LOL!). Every waking moment is ALL KIDS ALL THE TIME! How do I get them to quiet down without squelching their fun?

    Funny isn't it---how as parents we rejoice over their first word and then lament all the noise later? :laugh:

    Looking for been-there-done-that advice. Thanks!
     
  2. NaasPreacher (C4K)

    NaasPreacher (C4K)
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    Raised six here and now have four grandkids around quite often. You ought to hear it now when the whole family plus friends are here in our little house.

    I hate to be discouraging, but I think the best you can hope for is to eliminate any inappropriate talk and rudeness, teach them to let someone else talk when there is a 'real' conversation going on and work on volume levels.

    How old is this crew?
     
  3. Spinach

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    The range is 5 to 13.

    I do get a couple hours of quiet at night because we enfoce a strict You-Go-To-Bed-At-8 rule. Then we have a couple hours to ourselves. If we didn't, we probably would go nuts. Of course that time is usually spent filing receipts, budgeting, talking about how to handle kid stuff or ministry stuff, and then try to unwind so we can sleep.

    Oh, and the incessant questions. Nonsense questions. Like, "What is more important, the plate or the cup?" And then debate (not argue) back and forth over what is more important and why. And don't get me started on super hero discussions. Those are enough to drive anyone batty. Which one is best? Why? How would you rate them if it were up to you? That kind of stuff. ALL DAY!
     
    #3 Spinach, Nov 29, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2009
  4. kyredneck

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    Hehe, you're funny. I got a few chuckles reading your post.

    Well, my wife's parents and my parents were, and raised us both accordingly, and although we allowed our kids to express themselves much more than we were allowed to growing up, believe me, our younguns knew when it was time to shut up.

    Just curious, do they manage to sit quietly through the church service? (whew, do I ever remember 'the pinch', from my mother, if we were being rowdy in church; all one did after receiving 'the pinch' was sit quietly and rub the sore spot for the remainder of the service)

    Heheh, maybe you should move it up to 6.........(just kidding)
     
  5. blackbird

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    If you can talk while you work and still get your job done--there's nothing wrong with talking

    Good example of "talking"-------I'm a WW2 hobbiest--nothing professional--but do read and put things together

    During the war--both sides(American & German) monitored each others radio signals--the Germans noticed that the Americans maintained constant "chatter" over the radio---nothing that had to do with the war---mostly "chatter" about HOME---the Americans let each other know they were there and listening and talking---they talked over the radio in Europe as if they were in their Living rooms or on the play ground!!!

    The German radios on the other hand--remained silent--except for what came over in the form of orders--etc---no friendly "chit-chat"--no "chatter"---nobody talked to each other--no one knew what was going on outside of their area

    My advise?? Let um "chatter"--they're getting their work done--and developing social skills at the same time!!
     
  6. Spinach

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    They sit fine in church. And when dh and I are discussing something important and they walk in with their chatter, all I have to do is hold up my hand or snap my fingers and they stop all talking. They do know when it's important to stop talking.

    But... their constant talking and constant questions can really leave you weary. And by the time you put them to bed, your ears will be ringing and your head spinning.
     
  7. Spinach

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    Typos abound. Sorry.

    "enfoce" LOL!!!
     
  8. Deacon

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    Best parenting advice I've heard:

    As soon as you can put your child in a large barrell and tightly secure the lid.
    Drill a hole in it for air and nurishment.

    When the kids reach their teens, close the hole.

    Rob
     
  9. kyredneck

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    Heheh, if they sit fine in church that means they can do it. And, they know WHEN to be quiet. Very good.


    :) ......have you ever considered getting some good quality ear plugs?........... :)
     
  10. Mexdeaf

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  11. kyredneck

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    Thanks for sharing that! I enjoy learning such things!
     
  12. John Toppass

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    Growing up I remember a neighbor family where talking at the table and a noisy indoors was not allowed. Today I probably keep in touch with a couple of them more than they do their own siblings and I they know that they go months if not years before they talk to all their siblings.

    It was quite the opposite in my house and rarely a day goes by where I do not talk to at least my brother or sister and it would be rare that a week goes by that I do not talk to brother and sister at least 3 times. I raised my boys the same way, their mother and I were more concerned with content than the quiet.

    Sounds to me that you are raising a loving family and this will pay dividends now and when they are adults. You can always institute an occasional quiet game, where the winner/winners win something. Other than that, I would just thank GOD you have children who like each other and prove it.
     
  13. NaasPreacher (C4K)

    NaasPreacher (C4K)
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    I agree. The day will come when you will miss that chatter. Five of us are gone and the 6th spends weekends at his brother's house. It is nice in a way, but can be sad as well.

    At the moment my oldest and his family are staying with us waiting for a house to open in out town. It has been nice to have a buzz back again.

    Talking could be fighting.
     
  14. annsni

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    I would most likely address the eating situation first since I think that is the easiest. At our table, there is one conversation going on at a time because my husband used to be in bands (and still leads our worship team) and has a little trouble hearing so too much noise blocks out even conversation. So everyone knows it's ONE discussion. I'd speak to the kids about the idea of noise, show them the Scriptures that talk about good noise and bad noise (thinking about the disruptive noise in church) and make a rule that there is one person speaking at a time at the meal table. Once you get that down (and most likely that will take weeks to months to accomplish), you can begin to ask them to speak quietly at other times, and if there is more than one discussion going on at a time in a room, one of the parties need to leave the room. It will be a work in progress, I'm sure and I doubt you'll ever get the peace you would love to have but it's possible to have some.

    Oh - my kids are 19 down to 7 and we definitely have our share of noise. Sometimes it does get overwhelming and either I will have to go for a walk or else I'll ask them to take it elsewhere (outside or to their rooms) but other times I'll just enjoy the noise of the children God has blessed us with. :)
     
  15. windcatcher

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    Use earplugs. You'll be amazed at what you still hear through them.... but noise is reduced.

    Teach them the game of pass the batton: Use it at the table to control noise. It works like this; The one who fist holds up his hand gets the batton. He can only speak while in possession of the batton. He then passes it to the one who he was addressing OR the next person who holds up their hand. Points can be given for speaking without first waiting for possession of the batton, and that person must wait their turn. A person is not allowed to hog the batton..... or to speak more than (here you make the rule as to how many times before the baton is offered to those who have not taken a turn.) Parents are the only ones allowed to speak at any time.... but can play also if they wish to. At the end of the meal those with the least points can get a reward, like skipping an assigned task or their choice of movie or t.v. program..... OR the one with the most points can be assigned a task which is less pleasant. For the little ones.... a handicap advantage may be given until they develop the discipline to speak only when in possession of the batan or raise their hand to get it. The batton is any object which will not be confused as eidible, or a tool to be eaten with. A paper weight works nicely and can remain on the table til next meal.

    Sometimes, playing some relaxing music and turning off t.v. and radio can encourage quiet. As children working chores... my sisters and I would start singing... the old hymns worked nicely for us.... and we'd break into harmony. I'm sure this was more pleasing to mom instead of hearing lots of chatter.

    Family gatherings are a noisy problem for me as I've lived alone most of my life and am unaccustomed to playing radio or t.v. every waking hour unlike many I know. Sometime on these occassions, I just rest back and take a deep breath..... several if needed to relax myself..... and just listen. It is a reward to my ears to hear the happy expressions of life, interest, and love between others.

    God bless.
     
    #15 windcatcher, Nov 29, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2009
  16. Spinach

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    This is a nice perspective. Thanks.
     
  17. Spinach

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    I do think I will work on the table manners (except I feel like I have been working on it, only to fall on deaf ears---and then I end up as naggy Mom).

    I've tried the soft music approach, but they get louder to talk over it, making it even more stressful. The TV isn't on a ton, but when it is, they are quiet because they're watching it.

    Right now in my house I have a little girl in the bathroom with the door open, singing her heart out. I have two boys on the floor in front of me, debating Ultimate Avengers. One girl is at the door calling for her kitty cat. Another is giggling and poking fun at the cat who is being called but not coming; just sitting there staring. And it goes on and on. This kind of noise is what you will hear all day in our house. These are busy little people!!!
     
  18. SBCPreacher

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    A whip and a chair might help with those table manners!
     
  19. kyredneck

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    ....honey, you're gonna have to get over that; you're the adult here, you're the boss; I doubt there's anything you're going to do to keep them, especially as teenagers, from viewing you as nagging at times. Have you ever put the FEAR in them? (heheh)
     
  20. windcatcher

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    It's a symphony of life. Relax and enjoy!:love2:
     

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