Pastor Bloopers

Discussion in 'Clean Humor' started by Palatka51, Dec 14, 2008.

  1. Palatka51

    Palatka51
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    Part 1

    TOUGH SEARCH COMMITTEE
    The chairman of our pastor search committee informed the congregation: "Next Sunday our visiting preacher will be the Rev. Bill Oaks. If you would like to see the other preacher candidates, you will find them hanging in the vestibule."

    AND WITH YOU....
    In our Anglican Church, each service begins with a greeting. The officiating clergyman says, "The Lord be with you." The congregation used to respond by saying, "And with thy spirit." But, with the modernizing of the liturgy, the minister now says, "The Lord be with you." and everyone responds with, "And also with you." One Sunday a visiting bishop went to a church where the sound system was known to be old and unreliable. As he approached the microphone, he tapped it several times and finally said, "There's something wrong with this!" Without hesitation the whole congregation answered faithfully, "And also with you."

    POMP AND WHAT?
    A few years ago our choir did a Christmas Cantata at our church. On the evening of our first performance we were all lined up outside the Sanctuary waiting to march in to the opening strains of the overture. Our Pastor wanted us to march in time with the music so his final instructions were as follows: " Everybody march in like you did at your high school graduation. You know, Pomp and Circumcision." We all broke out in a fit of laughter and it took several minutes to regain enough composure to march in. --Lee Taylor

    ON LEADERSHIP
    On pastor appreciation day one of our deacons was speaking for a few minutes about how he appreciated the pastor. He related that it was a tough job being a leader and explained that it was like a flock of migrating geese. The lead goose forming the point of the flying V formation works the hardest because he was "Breaking Wind" for all the other geese! And all this time I thought the geese were just honking as they flew overhead! A few of us caught the blooper and chuckled, the rest looked bewildered or attempted to not show they caught the funny! ---"Hillbilly"

    DINNER DEATH
    Our church would have a chicken dinner to raise money a couple of times a year. One Sunday there were beautiful flowers at the front of the church. I mentioned that they were given "in memory of Frank Wilson who came to our chicken dinner last week and went home and died." I did not mean to infer that he died from eating the chicken, but that's the way it came out. ---Wayne Hogue

    CRAZY MINISTER
    A local pastor asked his sexton to post the title of his sermon on the signboard outside the church to read "Are Ministers Crazy?"
    Not hearing this as a question, the sexton posted, "Our Minister's Crazy" much to the amusement of the community. --Ron Owens at The Funny Pharmacy

    WEIGHT LOSS HYMN
    We had just had a "Weighdown Workshop" and many people in our church lost weight. During announcement time we congratulated the participants and made a big deal out of their weight loss. It was about that time we all realized there had been a typo in the bulletin item just below it. Instead of listing "I Am Thine O Lord" the bulletin listed the next song as, "I Am Thin O Lord." (Angie)

    Pulpit Bloopers is copyright 2002 by Sermon Fodder Ministries (www.sermonfodder.com) and was compiled from contributing
    members of the Sermon Fodder List.

    today'sTHOT============================

    No matter how far you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

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    PASS IT ON!
    Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it! www.mikeysFunnies.com

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  2. Palatka51

    Palatka51
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    Dear Funnies Reader:

    Each year our wonderful Funnies readers help with a very cool Christmas project. I'm asking you to be a part as well - either with your family, church, youth group, school, etc. It can make a significant impact on those who participate!

    Every Christmas morning our family gets up at 4:00 am (0400 for our military friends) and goes to the Marine Corps Recruit Depot (Boot Camp) in San Diego. (This Project also happens at the Parris Island, SC Boot Camp.) We - and many other folks - deliver patriotic stockings to each of the hundreds of sick and injured Marine recruits on base. Our goal is to bring cheer to these special recruits on Christmas Day and to show them how much we support them and stand behind their determination to become a United States Marine.

    You can't believe what this does for these guys. They wake up that morning to what will most likely be just another boring day as they wait to heal and return to training or be sent home. When they come back from morning chow and see us waiting there with big smiles and hugs, well, the transformation is amazing.

    Check out photos from last year's visit:
    http://uneeknet.com/mcrd/christmas/2007/

    Here are comments from recruits and their families about this project:
    http://uneeknet.com/mcrd/responses.html

    You can be BIG part of that impact - in a very simple way!

    These patriotic holiday stockings are filled with items that have been donated from various sources. The recruits receive phone cards, envelopes, stamps, note pads, and pens. But the important gift in this stocking is a bundle of letters that we collect from children all over the country. Last year each recruit had 12 letters in their stocking. That's over 8,000 letters!

    Would you please help by collecting letters and/or drawings from children of all ages? The subject can be patriotic, holiday wishes, or even a simple thank you for serving our county. It can be from schools, Sunday schools, clubs, and just your own kids. (Adults can send letters, too.)

    You can also forward this email to others you think might be willing to participate.

    Maybe your school, church or organization can make this a holiday project? Following are simple guidelines for the letters:

    - Notes, letter, pictures and cards accepted.
    - Salutation should be "Dear Recruit"
    - Send all the letters/drawings in one package to an address below.
    - NO personal return addresses.
    - Mark the back of each note with a classroom sticker or stamp with the organization's address, if they desire possible responses from recruits.

    Please mail your letters by Monday, November 17, 2008 to the address closest to you:

    Marine Christmas Letter Project
    c/o The Averys
    2403 West Sunnyside Ave
    Visalia CA 93277

    Marine Christmas Letter Project
    c/o Martha Philipps
    Rt 6 Box 200
    Bloomfield IN 47424

    Marine Christmas Letter Project
    c/o Debra Collins
    11 Glen Drive
    Thorsby AL 35171

    Thanks in advance for your support of our project. We can make the Christmas season just a little better for these recruits, who SO desire to serve our country.

    Thanks!
    Mikey

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    PASS IT ON!
    Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it! www.mikeysFunnies.com

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