Pastor & family, should they tend same church

Discussion in '2003 Archive' started by Willow 2, Apr 5, 2003.

  1. Willow 2

    Willow 2
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    Should the pastor & his family tend the same
    Church..?
    And would your church hire a pastor,
    that his own family is not suporting him..?

    Whats your thought on this...

    Willow
     
  2. mesly

    mesly
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    Can you define what "his family" is? Is it his Wife? Children? Brothers/sisters? Mother/Father?

    The only thing I would find strange is if his wife and children (if they were under 18 years) did not want to attend where he pastored. That should be a sign that he is not ruling his household very well. It would be interesting to find out why they didn't want to attend the same church?
     
  3. Abiyah

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    What if they are of different religions? I do not
    think a pastor should penalized for that.

    My husband is not a pastor (thank you, thank you,
    thank you, Thank You!!), but if he were, we are of
    different religions. I was, at one time, concerned
    that his church would penalize him for that, but it
    doesn't.
     
  4. Haruo

    Haruo
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    Do you mean, Abiyah, that he is not a Christian, or that you are not? Or are you using "religion" in the way it is sometimes used here, which I find very strange and somewhat objectionable (at least when applied to me), where "Baptist" and "Methodist" (for example) are held to be "different religions"?

    Haruo
    James 1:27 (the only place in the KJV where "religion" per se is positively defined)
     
  5. Abiyah

    Abiyah
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    Haruo --

    We were not discussing Biblical issues but life in
    today's world, so I was using the modern
    dictionary definition of religion. 8o)

    My husband is a member of a particular Nazarene
    church; I am a member of a Baptist-based Torah-
    observant synagogue. These two are so different
    that it is difficult for me, at times, to even concede
    to the fact that each uses the same Bbible.

    As Torah-observant, I do not call myself a
    Christian, because I, personally, equate "Christian"
    with many things I do not and will not do; therefore,
    I call myself a believer. My husband calls himself
    a Christian. 8o)
     
  6. Pastor Larry

    Pastor Larry
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    Assuming you mean his immediate family (wife, children living at home), absolutely. There is no reason why a pastor's family should not attend church with them. If they do not, then it is rightly said that he is not ruling his own house well.
     
  7. Rev. Joshua

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    This is a particularly tough question where both the husband and the wife are clergy (something not too unusual since many people find their spouses in seminary).

    It is my job to pastor a particular church, not my wife's. If there is somewhere that the worship better meets her needs at the time, that's fine with me. Churches call pastors, not their husbands/wives.

    We have four clergy on staff. Two of our spouses attend our church. One spouse pastors a nearby church, and one worships elsewhere.

    Joshua
     
  8. Dr. Bob

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    What kind of spiritual unity is there in a family where they cannot worship/serve in the same congregation?

    Sometimes in the past, in my ministry as long-term interim, I have traveled each weekend to minister - leaving my wife and children in our home church. But that is the exception.

    And Joshua's example is very real in the liberal end of "baptists", but does not hold true for the majority on the BB. (I've seen it too, brother, for the same reason you mentioned).

    My wife is my help meet in all phases of life and ministry, and excluding her help in the church would break that close bond.
     
  9. Willow 2

    Willow 2
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    I want to clarify what i was meaning about
    family..
    I was talking about Wife daughter, & son..
    & so forth like that...

    Willow
     
  10. Thankful

    Thankful
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    I think that the Pastor, wife, and dependent children should attend the same church and worship together, but as Dr. Bob pointed out there are exceptions.

    Rev. Joshua's examples are a little extreme for our Southern Baptist Church. I think our church does call the wife as well as the pastor.

    I agree with Pastor Larry.

    I hope we are answering your question, Willow.
     
  11. Rev. Joshua

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    Thankful,

    The fallout from the fundamentalist takeover of the SBC is not completely over yet. There are still ordained Southern Baptist women who are chaplains (and rapidly on their way out because of a new endorsing policy) and whose husbands are pastors. (I know some folks in this circumstance.) I don't know of any ordained women still serving in Southern Baptist churches, but that doesn't mean there aren't any.

    Regardless, in the larger baptist world - and certainly the larger Christian one - this is a tough issue. Most seminaries draw people from multiple denominations; and couples who meet in seminary can find themselves serving in different denominations. This makes coordinating moves and transfers difficult, and worshipping together a real challenge.

    Many of the clergy couples I know set aside a day other than Sunday to worship together. Others emphasize private devotional time together. Regardless, there are certainly options beyond being in the same place on Sunday morning.

    Joshua

    [ April 07, 2003, 02:03 PM: Message edited by: Rev. Joshua ]
     
  12. Thankful

    Thankful
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    Thank you, Joshua.

    I was a member of a Church that is part SBC and CBF.

    They have women deacons and some women ministers but the senior pastor is a man.

    The reason I left the church was that I wanted to be in a smaller church, not because of the women serving as ministers or deacons.

    BettyE
     
  13. Willow 2

    Willow 2
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    My church tried having a women as a trustee
    but that didnot work out very well for some
    reason or the other....

    But they will not have a women as Deacon's.
    & no way will the even think of them as a
    pastor....& i donot believe they would have
    a pastor without his family there to suport
    him either...I've been around the people all
    my life & this area & i've never seen this
    Church with a pastor, without a family with
    him....
    I don't know how they where way back in the
    earley days of the Church...But since i've
    been in the Church, they have always had Men
    as the pastor's & Deacon's...But the Church
    was founded in 1843....& it has the original
    sloping floor in it...It's only had a fellowship
    hall & sunday school rm's add to it...

    They try there best to follow the Bible to
    the letter....where pastor's are concerned
    & they feel the Bible state's that should be
    a man.....

    By the way Thankful i'am back at my home Church
    now...& i'm happy again.. [​IMG]

    But as you know...I was in a Church where there
    is alot of problem's...& the pastor at this
    Church is having this problem....His family
    does not suport Him...& it's very hard on him..
    He has grandchildren that are attending another
    Church with his wife & daughter & you can see it
    in him, It's very hurtful to him...

    When we were still there, Witch we was for over
    a yr. I only seen Her at the Church once & that
    was a quick in & out...You could see it in his
    eye's how much it hurt him....

    Willow
     
  14. Rev. Joshua

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    Betty,

    In the CBF/SBC church - were the spouses of the other clergy who served the church members there? Were any of them clergy as well?

    I just realized I didn't answer the other part of your post. I feel very strongly that (unless the church is on a co-pastoring model or plans on giving a salary and benefits package to the pastor's husband/wife) the church does not also call the pastor's spouse. I've always made that clear by making sure that my wife was in no way part of the interview process (although interviewing the spouse seems to be a long-gone tradition in the churches I have served) and making it clear to the search committee that my wife already has a job.

    In my experience, this approach is very common in mainstream churches, but I cannot speak for conservative evangelical ones.

    Joshua
     
  15. Thankful

    Thankful
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    No Joshua, none of the spouses were clergy and yes spouses were members of the church.

    I understand that it seems highly unfair for a church to expect a Pastor's wife to work for nothing, but many of them do. Our Pastor's wife is the church secretary; therefore, she does get paid, but probably not nearly enough for what she does.

    Actually, all the churches where I have been a member expected the wife to assume certain duties as the pastor's wife. They have all been Southern Baptist and I don't know what label to put on them. [​IMG]
     
  16. Thankful

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    Willow, I am so glad. May God Bless You in serving our Lord God.

    BettyE
     
  17. Jim1999

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    I think an important question to ask regarding ministry. Is a pastor paid the same as the executive director of a company? Or, is a pastor provided with a means for living whilst serving in the capacity of pastor?

    The latter has always been my understanding, and I always worked with that in mind. I like the idea of dual interviews. My wife is as important to ministry as am I.

    Should a spouse be a member of that church? My wife is Anglican, always has been, and most likely always will be. She has never been a member of any church I served. So far as I know, only one church, over my lifetime, made this an issue, and I declined any offer to minister there.

    When the idea of salary is put into the proper persepctive, the other issues solve themselves, in my opinion.

    In architecture, I can earn much more in a few months than any church can offer me in a year. I never expected a church to engage my services on a fee per service basis. It was always considered a love offering, and kept me off the streets from begging for bread.

    Cheers,

    Jim
     
  18. Abiyah

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    Willow --

    Your church sounds interesting. Has it been
    declared a historical site? It sounds like it should
    be. I would love to see it. My home is soon to be
    100 years old, which is fairly old by American
    standards, and that is its charm for me.

    - - - - - - - - -

    To all --

    While I have stated that my husband is not a
    pastor, it concerns me that I cannot be a part of his
    church. Believe me, I tried. I attended the class to
    join, but when the bottom line came, I could not do
    it, and since then, I have realized how miserable I
    would have been if I had joined just to please my
    husband.

    I really appreciate his pastor and have a lot of
    respect for him. He certainly has a heart for
    people, especially the down-trodden. And having
    attended for so many years a church in which it
    rarely seemed that the pastors even studied and
    where education was anathema, I appreciate his
    mind, education, and efforts. He and his wife and
    family, which all attend there, are precious people.

    But I would never be happy or settled there. I did
    myself, my husband, and all the people in that
    church a favor by not joining and by staying where
    I am.
     
  19. Rev. Joshua

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    That's just it though, it is unfair; and I think churches are increasingly realizing that. The fact that most pastors' spouses, be they male or female, have careers is helping a lot.

    Joshua
     
  20. Paul of Eugene

    Paul of Eugene
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    My own experience with pastor's wives is to expect them to be as active as any involved, interested layman. Don't we have Sunday School teachers, Deacons, Pianists, and so forth, that serve without salary? And like any volunteer worker in the church, we can't MAKE them do anything, its graciously taken on or it is not . .
     

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