Pastors/Marriage

Discussion in 'Free-For-All Archives' started by freeatlast, Mar 31, 2004.

  1. freeatlast

    freeatlast
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    It is always interesting to see how many people do not want to have anything to do with God (they call it religion), and yet when it comes time for marriage they want some preacher with all the ceremony to bless them in marriage at a church. How do you feel about a pastor marrying someone who is not professing to be a saved and/or is not in good standings by following the Lord Jesus in weekly worship and their lifestyle? Should the pastor marry them? Why?
     
  2. gb93433

    gb93433
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    It is an opportunity to deal with a non-believer. The couple plans to get married anyway why not a pastor to be the first one who deals with them in their relationship with Jesus and each other?

    I will marry two non-believers but not one believer and the other not.

    Pastors should be available to the public for spiritual things. One of my cousins was not a believer and the pastor of the church where her dad went would not even deal with the couple. Her dad was mad. It was an opportunity to reach her but the pastor refused before even dealing with them. Obviously the dad was mad. So they got married in a lawn area of a park and a JW man married them. The Christian pastor refused to deal with them and the JW did.
     
  3. Emily

    Emily
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    The JW did a secular wedding? Now that surprises me a lot.
     
  4. freeatlast

    freeatlast
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    I agree that it is a time to deal with the unbelievers, but dealing with them and marrying them are two different things. If they do not want God then I say do not marry them. 30 years ago I was going to marry my second wife. neither of us were Christians, but she had attended a neighborhood church in her younger years and wanted to be married in church. I agreed if she took care of the details.
    She contacted the pastor of the church and he set up an appointment. He used the time to witness to us, even though I did not understand what he was saying, but when he asked us if we wanted to come to the lord we both declined. He then graciously informed us that he could not marry us and I totally understood. As a matter of fact I held a great deal of respect for him on his stand. I knew I did not want God so why have a man of God marry us? Let those people go to the local justice of the peace or what ever, but pastors should not marry the lost. [​IMG]
     
  5. Emily

    Emily
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    One of my really good friends(Becky) father in law is a Pastor..
    My friends husband (Lincoln) had a best friend who was not a believer, but wanted Lincoln's dad to marry him and his wife anyways, because it was his best friends father..

    Well, Lincolns dad agreed to do it. During their meeting, Lincolns dad was asked to not bring anything about God up.. Lincolns dad said that he could not do that with a clear conscience..

    Since time was running short, the couple used Lincolns dad anyways.. Lincolns dad got a little preachy and it was an awkward ceremony all around.

    I cant imagine wanting to be married in a church if I was against the idea of God.. It would be very uncomfortable.
     
  6. Debby in Philly

    Debby in Philly
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    Read a poem once about people who only want the church for the traditional rites of passage, so you do what people expect of you. All for appearances' sake. And get quite indignant if born-again believers have a problem with it, or want to get "too religious." It was put simply -

    "Hatched, matched, and dispatched"
     
  7. freeatlast

    freeatlast
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    When the lost come for marriage at a church I agree that it is a time to deal with them about their spiritual condition, but dealing with them and marrying them are two different things. Marrying them is not a witness. The fact that they might get upset is not the pastors problem, but setting an example is. If they do not want God then I say do not marry them. Marriage is to be a God led experience. Two people coming together as one in the sight and leading of God. Two people who reject God cannot do that. For a preacher to marry them all he does is give false hope for a relationship that is left without the One element needed to make the marriage what God intended. A relationship with God as head being a marriage built on Him.

    What you have is two people who are willfully rejecting God, wanting a man of God to put them together in a sinful relationship, That in my book makes the pastor part of their sin. I say sin because the scripture says that what ever we do that is not of faith is sin. They are not marrying in faith and thus are in sin before marriage and after marriage and the pastor helps them into that new sin.

    Marrying two people who have no foundation with God is not kindness, nor a witness to the character of God, nor does it happen from wisdom. They want a wedding without God and need to get married by those who feel the same. I do agree that it is a money maker however in many cases. That old love of money thing again! As for evangelism that is an excuse to cover utter ignorance. They want to sacrifice two peoples lives in a marriage that does not have God as the corner stone so they can stand and preach at the ceremony. That is nothing but a false sense of self thinking that THEY are the only ones who will spread the gospel and in fact are spreading a false understanding to all who are their by their promoting a mockery to God and by helping two people mock this time which should be shrouded in holiness, but cannot be.

    I also feel that no pastor should marry two people who are not Christians in good standing. Counseling should also be required first. When a marriage is done it is with the intent that it be built on the principles of God. When any pastor marries two people who have no foundation for that to happen I believe that the Pastor holds responsibility for the failure of that marriage at least in some part. However even if the marriage should not fail he holds responsibility for them entering into another sin since they could not marry in faith and even did so snubbing their noses at God with the pastors help. This is a time of holy joining and one that needs much prayer for the success of the marriage, seeking God that He bless it and sustain it. Marrying two lost people and praying for the marriage in any way is a mockery to God. It would be no different then marrying two homosexuals and praying that God bless that union. The fact that the parties are the same sex certainly adds to the sin, but the mockery of a pastor marrying two who reject the only One who can sustain and bless is still a mockery even with a man marrying a female when they are lost.

    Often I hear of those who will marry two who are lost but not two where one is saved and the other not. What a hypocrisy! Scripture says that where one is saved the marriage is sanctified. The claim that the pastor wants to be a witness is just as important to that one lost person as it is to the two. The fact is that there is no witness in either case. People are not led to the Lord by marrying them while lost. They come to faith by hearing the word. Set them down and counsel them and if they accept then you have won a brother. Then counsel them in marriage. If they reject lovingly explain why they need find someone other then a pastor for marriage, but do not carry them into another sin with a false hope of God's blessing which they will have no matter what you tell them. Even if they could be convinced that God is not part or wanted in the ceremony the act of marrying them would still be wrong (sin) and even more it would be mockery to God I believe.
    Again the main reason for wanting a pastor is to get God's blessing. Marrying them falsly sets the stage of false hope promoting Satan's lie and mocking God. If we are not to lay hands on a believer in haste for ordination less we become part of his sin we also need to take great care in dealing with the lost in such an issue as marriage. Witness to them both by word and action. Tell them about their need of Christ and if they accept marry them after counseling, but if not lovingly send them on their way rather then take part in their sin.
     

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