Planning a wedding

Discussion in 'All Other Discussions' started by Salty, Feb 14, 2010.

  1. Salty

    Salty
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  2. matt wade

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    It sounds like Decator First is more interested in cermony and rules about what wedding coordinator can or can not be used, rather than creating Christ centered marriages.

    You have to arrange with the "keyboard person" two months in advance, but no such restrictions are placed on using their "clergy". One would think the clergy would want to counsel and meet with the prospective bride and groom and make sure that it will a marriage that honors Christ. Doesn't seem so at Decator First.
     
  3. annsni

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    It definitely sounds like that church is more interested in appearances rather than the spirit of the wedding. No "pop" music? No recorded music? ONLY their organist? Wow - I'd never have a wedding there.

    Our only requirement in our church is that one of the two parties be a member of the church or a child of a member of the church. An outside minister can perform the wedding but one of our pastors will also always be involved. The couple must have premarital counseling. Other than that? I don't think there's much else.
     
  4. abcgrad94

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    I don't know that it's so bad. I've seen worse. I can understand why they want their own church organist to play instead of a stranger. When I played organ, other organists would change all my settings, etc. and some musicians just don't take care of instruments properly. It can be frustrating to the main player.

    With their rules and regulations, I'm surprised they didn't include a dress code for the wedding party. I know of places that don't want backless, strapless, low-cut, etc. wedding attire, and the songs must be approved by the church music director beforehand.
     
  5. sag38

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    It's their church and their rules. If I didn't like the rules I'd find another church. My church recently became more strict about wedding because of abuse.
     
  6. abcgrad94

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    I agree with you, sag. We've had lots of people who want a "church wedding" but they never want to step foot in church for any other reason. These are the ones most likely to take advantage of the facilities, leave it a mess, not pay the janitor for clean-up, etc. Many churches I know don't even let outsiders use their facilities for weddings anymore, only for members or the member's children.
     
  7. Salty

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    My OP wasnt so much about First Methodist of Decatur, but rather what rules you would delete and add, for your church, and so far it has a been interesting discussion

    Salty
     
  8. abcgrad94

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    Salty, I do know that our church has a policy of no dancing and no alcohol on the premises. Tobacco is not allowed inside the building. Also, my dh will not perform a wedding unless the couple has agreed to come to him for premarital counseling beforehand. He also will not marry a believer to an unbeliever.
     
  9. annsni

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    Yep pretty much the same rules in our church. We WILL allow a couple to get married not having had us do the premarital counseling in some situations. However, they MUST get premarital counseling by someone (oftentimes, it would be a couple who met in college and still lives away from here so they will have their own pastor do the premarital counseling then come "home" for the wedding and their pastor will be involved in the ceremony too).

    Our pastors will marry an unbeliever to an unbeliever (although I don't think they've ever had to do that) or two believers but never an unbeliever to a believer. Additionally, in our church, we won't marry if the parents don't give their blessing.
     
  10. Salty

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    Interesting - but is there an age limit - for example, lets say there is a 35 year old and a 45 year old - and all 4 parents are still living -
    Or is the "parents blessing more for under age 30? :flower:
     
  11. annsni

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    I don't know that there's an age limit. Of course if the parents aren't around, then it's not an issue.

    I think in the 40 some-odd years that our pastor has had this requirement, there's only been one couple that had a problem. His parents gave their blessing and her parents didn't (actually, it was her dad). Our pastor recommended that they put off the marriage, obey her parents and pray. They did and dad not only turned around, he gave his blessing and paid for the entire wedding. The young man is now a middle aged dad who's a deacon in our church - along with the bride's father. :) He said that he just didn't feel they were ready for marriage yet (they were young 20s) but their obedience to him won him over. But other than that one case, there's not been an issue in all these years.

    The reason our pastor says this is because oftentimes, couples are blinded to what is going on but parents are not. So he will meet with the parent(s) who are not giving their blessing and find out what's going on. He then will counsel the whole family, trying to come to a settlement about the issues. It's been very beneficial to many couples.
     
  12. Salty

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    Thanks for the info, I am coming up with a "SOP" of my own, when I might officiate a wedding.

    Salty
     
  13. FriendofSpurgeon

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    At one time, our prior church was very strict about weddings ---
    * members only
    * church organist (standard fee)
    * church wedding planner (standard fee)
    * minister within same denomination
    * cleaning fee
    * pre-marital counseling required
    * no recorded music
    * music selections approved
    * no photos during ceremony
    * videos allowed (but passive only)
    * no alcohol allowed on premises

    Over time, the policy changed to allow Christian non-members to be married. In addition, their own pastor could marry them and perform the counseling. This was offered primarily as a service to others whose own facilities were not comparable. Note - our sanctuary was beautiful and similar to 1st Methodist in the link.

    However, opening up your church for weddings will create issues. Having very detailed guidelines up front - even if they are strict - will help lessen some of the pain.
     
  14. SaggyWoman

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    I don't think I will get married there.
     
  15. FriendofSpurgeon

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    It's not the alcohol policy is it?? :laugh:

    BTW, over time the rules have been relaxed quite a bit.
     
  16. SaggyWoman

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    Bwahahahahaha.


    Yeah.



    ahahaha
     

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