purity in marrage

Discussion in '2003 Archive' started by ruthigirl, Jul 24, 2003.

  1. ruthigirl

    ruthigirl
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    I have been thinking about something for a long time now and wanted some in put.
    Lets say that a good way to describe love is loveing some one else and what they need more then what I want; putting their best interests first.
    So if a husband or a wife has adultry then they did not really love them. For that time they did not seek the best for that other person at all.

    My ? is how can you love someone and do this? I know that maybe they did love them or will love them, but at the time of the cheating did they? I am thiking no. I'm I right? Wrong?
     
  2. timothy 1769

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    imo it is possible to love your wife and commit adultery.

    note we all love the lord but sin against him regularly :(

    i personally would differentiate between an "accident" and a repeated pattern of offense with no attempt to avoid tempting situations.


    truly adultery is a horrible sin with the potential for extreme anguish for all parties, and everyone's families.
     
  3. Johnv

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    No, it's not. Love is a decision, not an emotion (don't confuse having feelings for someone with loving someone... otherwise, what do you do when the feelings fade??) When you decide to commit adultery, you're likewise deciding to not love your spouse.

    I disagree. When I am committing a sin, I'm not loving the Lord at that time. I know that's a hard pill to swallow, but I as a sinner would be shortchanging God if I was not able to admit that to myself and all of you.

    A decision to commit adultery is not an "accident". A "mistake", yes, but an "accident", no.
     
  4. dianetavegia

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    I believe it is possible to commit adultery but still love your wife or husband. Love IS a choice, but many times we allow ourselves to become self centered or so into the world that we take our eyes off what is most important.

    If a man (or woman) is not walking with the Lord or even unsaved and allows themselves to be alone with a person of the opposite sex, things can happen. I do not believe a pattern of adultery is possible while loving your spouse but a one time mistake can be just that.

    Now, I'll also add that I don't believe the Lord wants us to divorce for a one time adultery. Possibly yes for a life pattern of adultery but scripture tells me to forgive 70 X's 7 those who sin against me.

    Everytime we put our family, our material things or even our church before God, we're committing adultery! Yet God forgives us if we only ask.

    Diane
     
  5. Baptist in Richmond

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    I understand your point here; however, I am not sure I agree. Sex is not necessarily love.
     
  6. Johnv

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    B in R, you're right. Sex is not necessarily love. In fact, it's not love at all. It's a tool God has given us that is used to express our love for our spouses.

    And Diane brought up a good point. Adultery is NOT simply putting tab A into Slot B there tab A doesn't belong. Adultery is doing anything that violates the marital covenant. A man who is sexually pure to his wife, but still seeks the company of other women, may still be committing adultery.

    That said, there's a difference (as already brought up) between a single act, which is a mistake, and a regular pattern of adultery. I believe that if both spouses are committed to the relationship and healing, they can overcome an adulterous act, and repair and renew their marital covenant.
     
  7. Artimaeus

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    You can't put your spouse's best interest ahead of your own and put your own interests ahead of your spouse's at the same time. A one time event might be easier to reconcile than twice, which is easier than thrice, etc. but, WHILE it is going on you are NOT loving your spouse.

    Diane, are you saying that your husband can commit adultery 490 times. You are indeed, a most understanding wife. (Just kidding). I lost a roll of film several years ago and STILL haven't heard the end of it. (Just kidding, sorta)
     
  8. Helen

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    I'm not sure how to say this, but part of what is going on in an adulterous relationship is a hardening of the heart -- on purpose. A husband or a wife cannot become that intimate with someone else in the same way one can accidently run a stop sign or forget to turn the stove off! There is a buildup that goes into adultery, and a putting of oneself into that situation which allows it to happen. That means there must be a deliberate hardening of the heart against the spouse.

    And that is most certainly not love. Love is caring so deeply about someone that you would rather be hurt yourself than see that person hurt, you would rather be insulted yourself than have that person insulted, and your goal is the elevation of that person in the eyes of others. This kind of caring absolutely forbids adultery -- light and dark just don't co-exist at the same place and time.
     
  9. SaggyWoman

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    I caannot imagine loving someone in such a way that I could commit adultery against them. There is no depth of real love when adultery is committed.
     
  10. Thankful

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    I agree with Saggywoman. I can't imagine being unfaithful to my spouse. In fact, years ago when I was dating, I would only date one person at a time.

    But since I have not experienced a spouse being unfaithful to me, I really can't say that it is possible to love one or two at a time.
     
  11. timothy 1769

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    did not the men of the old testament love their multiple wives?
     
  12. Artimaeus

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    They may have had a fond affection for them and liked them a whole lot but that special, inrimate, emotional bond, and sense of oneness which can only happen between one man and one woman was not there. Absolute trust can never be restored. I am quite willing to bet my life that my wife would NEVER commit adultery. Is that rational, no. I mean I'm human, she's human, stuff happens, I know that. There is just this complete bond of trust between us and if something did happen, that bond would be broken and I could never again think that "my wife would NEVER commit adultery". Could one of us commit adultery and the marriage survive? Sure, we could forgive and perhaps return to a state of happiness that we would both be pleased about but, it would never be as it was, that would be gone.
     
  13. dianetavegia

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    Kings, such as Solomon, were given wives as 'peace treaties' and gifts. I believe these men had women they truely loved and women who were available.

    I'm so thankful that God doesn't love us less when we return to him after idolizing a boat, a golf game, a hunting trip, a child, a new car, a big home, a vacation, the world.

    Remember,
    Diane
    (Thought to add: I've NEVER had sex with anyone but my husband.)
     
  14. SaggyWoman

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    They may have had multiples, but it is like dividing your affections. Even Jacob love Rachael but ended up with Leah as an extra. (I hate that for her.)
     
  15. SaggyWoman

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    They ay have had multiples, but it is like dividing your affections. Even Jacob love Rachael but ended up with Leah as an extra. (I hate that for her.)
     
  16. Gunther

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    When a person sins, he does not stop loving God. He loves something else MORE at that moment.

    I don't know that a blanket statement can be made that is true for all people in regards to adultery.

    Helen, I disagree that it must be something that is built up. I think it can be instant and not a result of gradually hardening yourself toward the other person.
     
  17. dianetavegia

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    Remember, even animals have sex... without love. Sex is NOT love.

    A lapse in judgement, allowing oneself to be in a tempting situation, etc..... The door has to be opened only a tiny amount for satan to slip in!

    Diane
     

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