Question on Remarriage after Divorce.

Discussion in '2005 Archive' started by mommietosadie, Jun 24, 2005.

  1. mommietosadie

    mommietosadie
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    OK there's a debate in a group I'm on that someone is saying that If I decide to get remarried I am sinning. I was divorced last year since my now ex husband decided he didnt want to be married anymore. He wanted the divorce I didnt.

    The person in the other group stated that I would not be able to get remarried that I should wait until my ex got married so the sin would be on him rather then me. Would it be a sin if I did get out there and date and fall in love and get married again? I've moved 1500 miles away from my ex. There will not be a chance at reconciliation......

    Catherine
     
  2. exscentric

    exscentric
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    Never heard of waiting till he remarries, new twist. Wait till he dies is true in my mind. Remarriage is labeled by Christ as adultry so draw your own conclusions.

    No reconciliation. God might think differently :)

    My suggestion is get a Bible out and study all the divorce passages and come to your own conclusion. That way it is yours and not someone else's.
     
  3. Brandon C. Jones

    Brandon C. Jones
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    exs. makes a wise suggestion because the biblical evidence is unfortunately far from clear on the issue.

    However, I would second this remark: No reconciliation. God might think differently :)

    There are many different books on the subject with almost as many different views. I found Feinberg-Feinberg's book "Ethics for a Brave New World" helpful, they include two chapters on marriage and divorce that seem to include most of the other views (although it is about 10 years old and is in the process of being updated).

    Hopefully, most any view on the issue would recommend a stab at reconciliation--it's hard to avoid that fact that God takes marriage seriously. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation and pray that God gives you wisdom on the matter.

    BJ
     
  4. mommietosadie

    mommietosadie
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    Unfortunately, as hard as I tried for reconciliation he wouldnt go for it. He truly truly believes that I cheated on him. He also believes that I lied to him many times. Unfortunately, it's all untrue. The pastor of the church we were attending kicked me out of church after we seperated because I was seen with a guy two days after our seperation. I was out to lunch with four people from work. The two others that were at lunch with us....were in the bathroom. No one believed me. No one understood the guy sitting at the table with me is and has been in a relationship for 15 years with his "life partner" Sometimes I wonder........ I still love my ex husband. I pray that God leads us towards reconciliation but at this point I dont see that happening. Not after all that's gone on.
     
  5. mommietosadie

    mommietosadie
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    The following verse gives me some question to this.....


    Deuteronomy 24:1 (KJV) When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
    2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.
     
  6. OCC

    OCC
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    Yeah...what you said.

    I believe when a man leaves his wife he is basically an unbeliever, therefore the woman is free to remarry. It is not a sin to remarry when your former spouse LEAVES.
     
  7. Rachel

    Rachel
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    I agree with King James.

    From reading 1 Cor.7 especially. But was your husband an unbeliever?
     
  8. PastorGreg

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    Yeah...what you said.

    I believe when a man leaves his wife he is basically an unbeliever, therefore the woman is free to remarry. It is not a sin to remarry when your former spouse LEAVES.
    </font>[/QUOTE]This would all be great except for that guy named Jesus who said, "Whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery" right after quoting Deut. 24:1.
     
  9. Brandon C. Jones

    Brandon C. Jones
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    It's amazing what is possible with God...the wrong way to look at your situation is to see what you have the license to do based on "qualifying circumstances and what not," but rather see what would be the best thing to do...and that is to try to reconcile. God can change people's hearts, this I know.

    BJ
     
  10. OCC

    OCC
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    Greg...was Jesus not still in the Old Testament time period? What did Paul say (under inspiration of the Holy Spirit) in the NEW Testament time period?
     
  11. mommietosadie

    mommietosadie
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    OK how long should I attempt reconciliation. We were seperated 10/29/03 and divorced 10/29/04 exactly a year. During that entire time I tried and tried to get him to go to counceling, talk to me anything. And he just wouldnt go for it. Now it's been another eight almost nine months and i've sent him letters etc asking for him to talk to me and he refuses.

    No matter what he wont talk to me. But I dont want to live my life alone either. I never asked for the divorce, nor did I commit adultry or abuse him in any way.

    My ex is a believer...or so I thought. We were both baptised both believed and went to church together throughout our marriage. Then one day it wasnt like there was anything odd going on he just came home and said..."I dont love you anymore I havent for a long time I've tried to bring those feelings back but you've destroyed them and I want a divorce" He says I lied to him, cheated on him etc....I didnt lie to him nor did I cheat on him. I dont know what to do about it anymore. I'm so confused anymore.
     
  12. exscentric

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    Like I said, "My suggestion is get a Bible out and study all the divorce passages and come to your own conclusion. That way it is yours and not someone else's."

    Go to many minds and you will find one that agrees with what you want to do if that is what you want to do, or go to God and find out what He wants you to do [​IMG]

    Years ago my sis-in-law wanted to divorce, so she kept going to preachers for help till she found one that said, divorce the jerk and she did :rolleyes:
     
  13. mommietosadie

    mommietosadie
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    I've read the bible. I've read many books on a "Christian Divorce" AS IF!!!!! So I dont know what to do. I like the thought of being able to move on with my life to live happily ever after with another man. But, I dont want to go get married if it's totally not something that God wants. I just want to be happy again. After going on two years of being alone...i'm kinda sick of being alone...

    Cathy
     
  14. Brother Shane

    Brother Shane
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    Go with your heart, mom. Talk to God, ask him about it.
     
  15. mommietosadie

    mommietosadie
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    Truthfully my heart still says that I love him. After all the pain and abuse he put me thru when we were seperated I still love him. I pray that God helps me with that but it's still not helped at all..

    Cathy
     
  16. jdcanady

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    Trust God, you are never alone. Study scripture, not what other people are saying about scripture. Use that material as reference, for opinion, but study God's Word, stay in prayer and meditation, fast, journal, find a church that preaches the Word, keep your heart focused on making Christ the first, greatest love in your life. Everything else will fall into place as the Father wills it. Who knows, maybe even now your husband is being convicted by the Holy Spirit.
     
  17. shannonL

    shannonL
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    If it went down like you said Mommie I just wonder if your husband didn't cheat on you and then try to flip the script to put you on a guilt trip? Either that or both of you are at fault somewhere. A man just doesnt' come in and say what he said to you unless there are issues. Either he cheated on you or yall just didn't cultivate the relationship. There was a breakdown somewhere in the relationship unless he is just pulling the wool on everyone.

    Just remember the Spirit of God will never lead you where the Word of God can't back you. Whatever your decision if you don't have Biblical grounds its not good. It is crucial at this time that you stay in fellowship through a Bible preaching church. Stay in the Word and keep this matter before the Lord.

    Alot of times people, whether they realize it or not go searching for a answer that will affirm what they already plan in their mind to do. Be careful. Be sure that is not your intentions here.

    In Christ
     
  18. TexasSky

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    Mommie To Sadie,

    Our lives are fairly similar.
    I was married for almost 20 years though.
    My husband suffered head trauma, and went through a personality change.
    In my case, he had an affair, announced he didn't want to be a husband and father anymore, and when he actually walked out accused me of numerous lies, later re-canting them.

    So - when I say this, I am not saying it from a perspective of someone who will never understand.

    I do understand.

    But - PastorGreg is right.

    If you remarry, I believe God will forgive you if you seek his forgiveness, but - - -

    Pastor Greg is right.
     
  19. StraightAndNarrow

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    I married an unbeliever during a period when I had basically turned my back on God. I'm looking for a good Christian wife. I'm looking for a good Christian wife. If I found someone I would marry her rather than live the rest of my life alone. Let anyone here who disagrees with this position who is without sin cast the first stone.
     
  20. Marcia

    Marcia
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    Mommietosadie,

    My unbelieving husband left me (he was having an affair) and our child while I still an unbeliever, and the divorce took place while I was still an unbeliever in early 1990. He was living with another woman and continued to do so when I later became a Christian. Then he got married (to yet another woman, not the woman he was living with and not the one he had an affair with!) and now has 2 young children with this new wife.

    I have gone round and round (including reading on this topic on threads here) on this topic trying to understand if I can remarry or not. I am still not sure (though I lean to thinking I should not remarry, though since he has married I wonder) but since no one in my life has shown up as a marriage candidate, I don't think about it much anymore.

    I definitely do not think enough time has passed for you to decide yet if you should remarry. I think you should spend at least a few more years praying for your ex, for a reconciliation, and waiting on the Lord. Even if you met someone now, personally, I think it's too soon even if you think it's okay to remarry.

    You need to immerse yourself in God's word, and focus on Christ (and children if you have them). Don't spend so much time thinking about whether you can remarry. Spend that time instead on prayer for your ex and asking God to lead you.
     

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