Raisins, not virgins!!!???

Discussion in 'Free-For-All Archives' started by Helen, Jul 27, 2003.

  1. Helen

    Helen
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    I know that this has turned into a Catholic/Baptist section of the board primarily, but there is a bombshell book coming out regarding the Q'ran this autumn. Here is a pre-review of it:

    http://www.msnbc.com/news/940974.asp

    In the original language, it appears that the faithful were promised ripe fruits and raisins in Paradise, not virgins! See the article for other notes.
     
  2. MikeS

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    Yes, I have heard this also. I guess it wasn't incentive enough :eek:

    Amazing that some people think heaven (paradise) will be one big orgy!
     
  3. Eladar

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    Satan's 'orgy' lie takes many forms. For Mormons, it takes the shape of populating an entire universe.
     
  4. mioque

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    I now have visions of Mohammed being chased around the afterlife, by hordes of 'martyrs' demanding their orgies.
     
  5. Helen

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    Aside from what we see as the funny side of all this, I imagine that there is going to be a real uproar in the Islam world as this scholarship continues.

    It may even get as violent as the KJVO debates!
     
  6. Eladar

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    Oh, I think blood will be spilled over this issue if the author can be found.
     
  7. Gina B

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    They can still get around it. They just have to claim that the scholars are being literalists and have no understanding for the deep poetic metaphorical language of the originals. :eek:
    Gina
     
  8. Dan Stiles

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    Poetically describe a virgin as a "raisin" and what are you describing?
    A shriveled up sweet thing that people like, for the most part - in other words - Grandma!
    Martyrs will be surrounded with grannys galore! This could definitely be a mixed blessing! :D :eek:
     
  9. donnA

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    LOL!!!!!! [​IMG]
     
  10. ColoradoFB

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    Like a Raisin
    (sung to the tune of "Like a Virgin")

    VERSE 1:

    You made it through the Jihad,
    You finally made it through.
    Didn't know how sweet I was
    until I found you.

    I was there with Allah,
    Didn't fear, singin' la la la
    Now you make me feel,
    Whoa you make me feel so shriveled & new.

    CHORUS 1

    Oooh
    Like a raisin,
    Dried for the very first time.
    Like a rai-ai-ai-ai-sin
    Feel your bran flakes next to mine,
    Like a raisin, oooh, like a raisin
    Don't you look so sad,
    'cause you're hungry, and I want you, and you're mine.

    VERSE 2:

    You went and made a bomb, boy.
    You strapped it to your chest.
    Blew up a bus of Jews,
    made it through the test.

    Then you came here to me
    What did you expect to see
    Oh I see you feel,
    Oh I see you feel,
    Disappointment to find.

    CHORUS 2:

    I'm no virgin. OOOhhh
    More line a fruit of the vine.
    Just a raisin,
    Made my Sun Maid
    But I taste fine
    Oh oh oh oh oh
    Oh Oh Oh Oh OH

    Verse 3:

    This is all your reward, boy.
    There is no orgy here.
    Looks like you were fooled my friend,
    Getting hot down here.

    Do you feel licking flames,
    But Udai and Qusay are here
    Does it make you feel,
    Do you think you feel,
    Flames kissing your rear!
    OOOH!

    CHORUS 3:

    I'm a demon.
    Gotcha till the end of all time.
    I'm a de-e-e-e-mon.
    There's no water, no where to climb.
    You were lied to, oooh
    What a pity.
    It won't feel good inside
    When you're burning, and your turning,
    Oh oh oh oh oh

    REPEAT & FADE
     
  11. CatholicConvert

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    COLORADO --

    That was GREAT!!! [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    I just picture those little raisin guys from the California Raisin Board ads!! Remember them?

    *music* Ohhhhhhhh, I heard it through the grape vine.

    Hey, Muamar, WHERE are our virgins? What are these stupid raisins doing dancin' around us?

    :confused: :confused: :confused:
     
  12. ColoradoFB

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    CC, loved the California Raisins.

    You have inspired me to write:

    They Grew Upon The Grapevine
    (Sung to the tune of "I Heard it Through The Grapevine"

    Guess you're wonderin' how it is
    That your plan has come to this.
    Yeah, you thought that killing innocents,
    Would give you virgins & incense.

    It took you by surprise, I must say,
    When you found out just today,
    Yeah, no virgins here will you find.
    Just the raisins from the Grapevine.
    Yeah, no virgins here will you find,
    Bet you're just about to lose your mind.
    Allah Akbar yeah!
    (Background singers): Allah, Allah akbar, how much longer you'll be eatin' raisins.

    When you got onboard that airplane,
    you truly must have been insane,
    Oh, you thought it'd give you virgin gals,
    but instead you just got raisin pals.

    You could have found a girl yourself,
    But now you have something else,
    Oh, they grew upon the grapevine,
    Yeah, no virgins here will you find.
    Oh they grew upon the grapevine
    Bet you already lost your mind.
    Allah Akbar yeah!
    (Background singers): Allah, Allah akbar, how much longer you'll be eatin' raisins.
     
  13. A_Christian

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    You mean that those Arabs are now going to have
    to ASK for a DATE (Rasin/Date). Sorry.....
     
  14. Dan Stiles

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    Y'all know what this means, right?


    It means we got waaaay too much time on our hands!
     
  15. donnA

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    hummm, wonder what they think now that thier getting raisins not virgins? Wonder if they'll be as likely to want to die in acts of terrorism? Probably won't believe in the raisins.

    -How many raisins do you have to see before you believe in them.-----
    What Mulder might have said to Scully
     
  16. LadyEagle

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    You guys really need a life, LOL! ;)

    Thanks for the laughs! [​IMG]
     
  17. Wisdom Seeker

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    Hmmm, I've seen that arguement on this board too.

    "Raisins not virgins"...I must admit...I thought the singing raisins were going to be shown in all thier animated glory when I popped into this thread. :D
     
  18. MissAbbyIFBaptist

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    Hmmm, I'll bet those Muslums will be RAISIN some cain over this one! {I'm sorry! I just had to say it!}
    ~Miss Abby
     
  19. Haruo

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    You are presumably aware that you are merely mirroring the way fundamentalist Muslims of a scholarly bent joke about the Jesus Seminar.

    Haruo
    who thought it was supposed to be "Virginians", not "raisins" ;)
     
  20. dumbox1

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    Hey, for 72 Virginians, I can imagine that almost anybody would do just about anything!

    Mark
     

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