Reconciliation? Why do we have to allow it?

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by superwoman8977, Jun 24, 2008.

  1. superwoman8977

    superwoman8977
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    Okay I got home and was reading the posts in the divorce thread telling me and the guy asking for the advice to pray for reconciliation. I have to ask, why? The trust and the fidelity of the marriage have been broken not to mention that my husband has another woman or women for that matter and well thats a matter in itself that personally grosses me out. I am not a cheater, I remained faithful to my husband our entire marriage. For me there is no marriage because there is no trust, no foundation, no fidelity, no loyalty, no honor. [Discussion of human sexuality is not allowed in an open public forum.] I just want to know how many would welcome a spouse back with open arms and why would you welcome them back when you cannot trust them ever again I know in my case I cant trust my husband ever again, he wants to put all the bad behind us and for me to be his friend but I cant do that anymore either. I have been down that road, and its a road where you end up being hurt and frustrated. So I have closed all doors and unless it regards our son thats the only thing he can talk to me about. The man cheated I have forgiven him but I closed the door to anything further and I will absolutely have nothing to do with the woman he is seeing she is not even allowed to be in the vehicle when he comes to get our son. She is not to be alone with our son as well.
     
    #1 superwoman8977, Jun 24, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2008
  2. dan e.

    dan e.
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    Why does God allow reconciliation after we commit adultery on Him?
     
  3. superwoman8977

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    All I have to say to that comment is ...what????
     
  4. dan e.

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    I'm not saying every circumstance involving marrital affairs should be reconciled. Some are situations where it is not physically safe for one party, or the other. I'm sure there are others. However, I think that reconciliation should be sought, if possible. This should be discovered through pastoral counseling, for sure.

    Why should we question reconciliation? Spiritually speaking, we are all adulterers. Why does God reconcile with us?
     
    #4 dan e., Jun 24, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2008
  5. Dr. Bob

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    Thank you for sharing your story. Reconciliation in spirit (or at least loving forgiveness on your part) is biblical, even if the marriage was shattered and is not reconciliable.

    Caveat: be careful of "too many details" in an open forum where one never knows the age or maturity of the reader
     
  6. Beth

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    Superwoman

    I totally understand that you are going through a very difficult time in your life. I personally am very grateful that I am NOT facing the choices you face right now.

    My personal recommendation to you, though, would be to take this discussion into the private woman's forum. Your post, in my opinion, is probably a bit too frank in regard to sexual partners, number of partners, etc., to be appropriate for a public forum.....public forums like these are more geared to a general audience, which can include youth perusing this site.

    I think you would be more comfortable, perhaps, discussing these intimate issues with other sisters in the Lord.

    Your sis in Christ,
    Beth
     
    #6 Beth, Jun 24, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2008
  7. superwoman8977

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    Why is that? I am not a member of "Private Womans Forum" and I wanted to know since everyone that has posted on the other BB threads regarding divorce why I dont want to reconcile. Biblically I think God goofed on the whole death do us part marriage thing not taking into account the free will of the other partner. Thats all I was trying to get at.
     
  8. nunatak

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    superwoman,
    It looks like you have an issue with what you perceive to be the raw deal you think God has dealt you.

    Do me a favor, don't blame God for the mess your in.

    Also, if you are seeking advice, follow the recommendations Beth tried to give you.

    If not, and you are just using these forums to complain, give it a rest.
     
  9. mparkerfd20

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    WOW is all I can say to that. I shouldn't be surprised at this point though. Several of the post I've read on here have made me say WOW. :tear: :praying:
     
  10. ReformedBaptist

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    superwoman,

    Dan is not speaking of physical adultery when he says we have committed adultery against God. He is speaking about spiritual adultery. You can turn to Hosea 1:2 and read, "The beginning of the word of the LORD by Hosea. And the LORD said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the LORD."

    And the Lord often forgave Israel and forgave Judah for their spiritual adultery, when they turned to other gods and made sacrifices to idols. I think dan is saying we do the same when we go astray from the Lord. And how often He takes us back.

    In order for a woman or a man who has been cheated on in a marriage to take back the sinning spouse, they would need to fogive from their heart that spouse and "let them off the hook" so to speak for their sins.
     
  11. ReformedBaptist

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    Superwoman,

    God does not "goof" anything. Mankind has sinned against God and rebelled against His Law. And that includes you as well. Be careful my sister, in your grief, not to hold the sins of your husband against him while expecting God not to hold your sins against you. Yes, he has sinned against God and you. But you need to forgive the man as Christ has forgiven you. And you need to do so from your heart.
     
  12. Cutter

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    Romans 9:20 ...who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed [it], Why hast thou made me thus?
     
  13. pinoybaptist

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    that underlined phrase is what Beth was talking about.
    you are a registered member of the BB, so you can log in to the women's forum, where unregistered guests cannot enter.

    as for reconciliation, you are free not to reconcile with your husband.
    an advice can be taken, or ignored.
     
    #13 pinoybaptist, Jun 24, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2008
  14. superwoman8977

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    I wasnt trying to do any of the above, I just want to know how you would reconcile with a spouse because there would be no foundation to build a marriage upon or basically how could you reconcile with a spouse after knowing what they had done? See its not all black and white there is as with everything alot of gray areas. The more I get into the word and study this the more yeah I do feel I got a raw deal. I stood on my vows for as long as I could and he doesnt want to change and finally I decided enough of the heartache, I have to close this door and move on and meet someone new and have a new chapter in my life.
     
  15. ReformedBaptist

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    Whether you move on or not, you need to forgive your husband's sin against you.
     
  16. donnA

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    superwoman, it seems to me you need to spend more time in prayer and honest(truly seeking God, not support for your faulty opinions) bible study. You seem to have your own plan, your own agenda for life and when God deviates from your plan your all over Him and how He did something wrong to you.
     
    #16 donnA, Jun 24, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2008
  17. dan e.

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    Thanks for the clarification. I was trying to be "socratic" in my approach....but there was no further probing into my question! Oh well.
     
  18. ReformedBaptist

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    Agreed. superwoman, I am seeing this too. I do pray you will humble yourself before God and seek His face. :godisgood:
     
  19. Revmitchell

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    What a sad and difficult time you are going through. May God heal your heart. Even in difficult times it is necessary consider some very important principles. Dan made a wise point. Each one of us have done no less to God than your husband has done to you. What is the grace you enjoy from God? And what grace do you extend to your husband?
     
  20. Bible-boy

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    How did my friends, that I told you about in the other thread, reconcile their marriage? When I told that story I did not share all the details. However, I think it is important here to let you know that when they separated (when my wife and I were counseling them) it was not the first time the husband had cheated.

    So how have they been able to reconcile their marriage and why did they do so in the first place?

    First, why should we reconcile? Many posters have already pointed out to you that no matter how many times we are unfaithful to God He always reconciles with us. In fact, He made reconciliation possible by laying down His life for us when we were still in our trespasses and sins.

    Second, you must be willing and seeking forgivness and reconciliation because Christ commands it (Matt. 18:21-35). Believe me, I understand that forgivness does not equal trust. Your husband will have to prove to you that he can be trusted again by his actions.

    Third, you must be willing and seeking reconciliation because of the marriage vows you made before God. You made those vows and the Bible says, "Let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one" (Matt. 5:37, NKJV). BTW, while you are at it read all of Matt. 5 and meditate upon it.

    You may well have made a mistake in marrying this guy and now with hindsight you realize the consequences (the "raw deal"). However, you can't blame God for your actions and your choices. Now, this is why you need to work through the church discipline process (Matt. 18:15-20) with your husband, a group of trusted mature believers, and the elders (pastors) of your church. This process will either cause your husband to repent and be willing to reconcile or it will expose him as an unbeliever. Either way it will help you and bring you freedom from the pain you are now suffering.

    As to how you will be able to reconcile, it will only happen if the Lord moves your husband to seek your forgivness and reconciliation first. Then, you will both have to rely on the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit, rather than your own power, to bring it about. Will it be hard work? Yes, no doubt about it. Will it be worth it? Yes, no doubt about it. Why? Beacuse it will be for God's glory. He can and will heal your heart if you allow Him to do so.

    I'll be praying for you.
     
    #20 Bible-boy, Jun 24, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2008

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