Relationships

I'd like to add something here. There's no way we can get a truly accurate picture of all the dynamics involved in these relationships. We must "fill in" what we can't see, and we'll tend to personalize what we THINK is going on based on our own experiences. Because of this, there will be disagreement.

Some of the more DYSFUNCTIONAL relationships I know of began with a young passive man submitting to a strong, decisive mother. Is this bad? Not necessarily. But a young woman who enters this mix should take a great deal of time to develop the relationship with both the mother and the son. I would expect that any mother's goal is to finish raising her minor son to the best of her ability to be a fine independent citizen.

Of course, this will mean someday letting go. This will also mean that the son has to be willing to "go." Unfortunately, this is NOT a decision that can be made by the girlfriend. If the courting couple is marriage-minded, it's important that they take the time to build their own relationship. If Mom holds the reins very tightly, this will take a long time. This may be a blessing...or not.

 

I am young and have never dated(i kiss dating goodbye lol), and not very interested in dating. More interested in God and just focusing on myself(like doing good in school, etc) right now.
But what I think Ashley, you should just focuse on yourself and God right now. Let the right man come to you when God feels its the right time.
There are so many greater things you could be doing in your life besides focusing on guys/boyfriends. Enjoy living a single life, experience all the things you can, focuse on family, yourself, school, so that when you're absolutely ready for a guy you will be older and have a stable life. Life is unstable alot of the time(from what I see with my friends and their b/fs) when you have b/f's young. Its just more stress your putting on yourself. You don't need the stress

But, if you do TRUELLY like this guy, wait on him and his mother. Maybe just be friends with him now until his mother feels more comfortable.
But I would also look eslewhere, because it seems like his family has different ways of looking at relationships and what to accept and not accept than you. I think that can cause alot of problems like it is now, and also if you stick around with him.

God Bless,
YSIC
Candace

 

You undermine the parents authority by calling her guidelines "EXTREME". By telling Ashly this and also constantly reminding her that the young man in question will be an adult in a couple of months gives her the false idea that he can do what he wants when he becomes 18. By not knowing the whole situation, you are giving her a false sense that she is right and her boyfriends mother is wrong. Nobody has a right to tell anyone that a parent is wrong in the way they are raising the child, especially when the girl isn't mature enough to follow the rules set down. 5 months is not a long time, and an 18 year old has their whole life ahead of them. What is the big hurry? And why do they have to be alone?

 

Candio,

This is very wise. You also bring up a good point. Your focus is on God. Your interest in doing what is right and allowing God to lead. If the boy is the right one for Ashley, God will make everything work out, without intervention from her or outsiders. His mother probably wants what is best for her son so she wants him to make right decisions. The mother also would not want her son to make a wrong choice. Ashley needs to get to know his family better, and be totally honest in the process. Hiding and doing things that the parents don't approve of will only be trouble in the future.

 

Even though you may not have a desire to not do anything wrong, you don't want to put yourself in temptation.

"Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall."- 1Corintians 10:12

 

That's right. You may not want to do anything "sinful" but temptation is hard to resist. You should focus more on God than relationship until you are ready to commit through marriage. My pastors wife said she loves her husband but that she really wished that she would have waited to get until she finished bible college. She never finished not that she holds that against her husband, but it showing the young ladies of the church not to rush into anything. My dad doesn't let me date and it doesn't bother me. I am a normal christian teen that is living for God. I really don't lose any sleep over it, at all.

 

I think you should forget what the mom thinks and run off to californa and start your own family of corse get married then have the kids.

 

I fail to see your point. I am in no way undermiing anything. This would be no different as in the situation if you were dating someone who seemd to be preoccuried with S&M (sado-massocism). The behavior might signal that your significant other might have some problems and imbalances in their lives that could have serious implications on your relationship. Questioning or probing deeper into the situation would definately be warranted. Ashley is her own person and has every right to continue with or terminate the relationship at any time she chooses. I think that you are reading too much into the post without fully thinking about it. I only recommended that she be wary of the situation as I and Pastor Larry, whom I was slugging it out with earlier on this thread, both agreed that the behavior is not normal. That is the whole point. I was just giving her some tips, based on my experience, that might help her better evaluate the situation. Once again I will lay this to rest and I do't want anyone bringing it up again. IF ASHLEY DECIDES THAT SHE WANTS TO CONTINUE IN THE RELATIONSHIP THEN SHE MUST ABIDE BY THE RULES SET FORTH BY THE MOTHER AS SHE IS OBVIOUSLY THE ONE WITH THE CONTROLLING HAND IN THE MATTTER. But just be aware that if the mother is an obsessive control freak, and that is quite possible (read back into the thread to see the justification for this possibility - dont rehash the arguement at this point). The issue is not wehter she should undermine parental authority. The issue is whether she should subject herself to such behavior in the first place. In the end the decision is hers. My last word on this.