Remarriage question (hope not to start a fight)

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by jowe81, May 12, 2007.

  1. jowe81

    jowe81
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    ok. i have a question.

    i'm looking for answers, so any help will be greatly appreciated.

    here's my story.

    i dated a girl for 4 years and after 3 1/2 years she entered the military, national guard. things were shaky then, but we toughed it out, and then she was called to Iraq. we got scared, thought we were ready to get married and did. three days later she was shipped out.

    she came home for christmas leave, things weren't right, she left...i prayed about it the whole time she was gone and she came back 4 months later and i knew something was up. she finally spilled it that she had fallen for a man in the army ( who was married with kids ) and had been cheating on me with him. they were putting their "relationship" on hold until they found out if they were still in love with their spouse back home. to this i said goodbye, there's no way i can be with someone that can do that to me, when i've been faithful and good to her in every way.

    i got an attorney, and we were able to get our marriage annulled due to jumping conclusions in a stressful war-time.

    i take marriage very seriously, but i know i was not in my right mind when this happened. i know God has forgiven me for i pray daily since then (this was 2 years ago) and know he has.

    i have met someone that is amazing, a virgin, and treats me the best i could ask to be treated.

    will it be a sin for me to marry her, even though i left a marriage that was full of sin due to adultury not commited by me, but against me and God.

    i'm very curious, and i think God has sent me this beautiful woman, who is gorgeous on the inside and out

    i need help, thanks so much

    jon
     
  2. ccrobinson

    ccrobinson
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    As I understand Matthew 5:32 and 19:9, your first wife is the one who "put you away" by cheating on you. Thus, the sin of adultery falls on her, not you.

    If the girl you've said is gorgeous on the inside and out is as wonderful as you've built her up to be, marry her and may God bless your marriage. :)
     
  3. convicted1

    convicted1
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    RE: Remarrying

    In one word, NO!! If she wasn't pleased to be with you, you can not twist her arm, put it around her back, and MAKE her stay with you. This would be kidnapping. You did nothing wrong. You were faithful while she was overseas and she cheated on you. This wasn't your fault, and God will not hold this adulterous act against you.

    1COR 7:12 But to the rest I speak, not the Lord, if any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away

    1COR 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

    1COR 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean: but now are they holy.

    1COR 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

    You did NOTHING wrong. You were faithful to her, so this sin is hers to have to answer to. If someone wants to leave, if you make them stay against their will, then you would commit a sin, too. Just thank God you have someone who cares for you the way you say she does!! Take care and may God bless you and your girlfriend!!
     
  4. Apreacher4Him

    Apreacher4Him
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    No greater burden

    You have enough burden to bear with the law of God and your own conscience
    Outside of the Holy Writ of Scripture I have no desire to add any further legalistic burden upon you.

    If any have ears to hear let him hear...

    It were a safer question for you to "ask" us before you divorced your wife...

    We both know that "annul" is not in the Bible - just in the catholic church...

    I am a baptist.... But first a Christian...

    It is not time to "get on with YOUR life" - but to live the life of Christ in you...
    There is liberty and freedom and Hope in that...

    Love Hopeth all things... and thus it is NEVER folly to have hope because God's will
    in any situation is always possible by His grace

    Now that have you chose to divorce your wife (and she you) finding a drop dead gorgeous woman does not validate your decision it merely makes your decision
    more difficult... and her choices since that day makes it perhaps impossible to repair... But, even your beautiful friend who is completely innocent is in danger of finding an adulterous relationship if you let her enter it.

    Outside of Matthew which was communicated to Jews first and also to the Gentiles now is the only reference to unfaithfulness as they had a betrothal period... There is no reference to acceptable divorce which God hates in Scripture of a Couple lawfully wedded and consumated..

    Now if you ignore this advice and choose to Marry that lovely girl anyways then be sure your sin will find you out... nevertheless, divorcing her would not then solve the problem. Scripture makes that also clear; it would simply compound the situation by adding another violated vow before God and Man.

    I am so sorry that you made a poor choice when you rushed into Life's most awesome and vital commitment/covenant ... second only to Salvation.

    But, if you will pray for me, please know that I will pray for you... as I too have been divorced and pray without ceasing for reconcilliation of my life's mate.

    I also had second thoughts a time or two, but second thoughts are only Satan's fiery darts to get us to walk by sight and not by faith...

    Love Hopeth all Things... God's Will in every situation for everyone...

    God's will be done....

    Brother, I mean not to offend and the more I meditate on your trial my heart goes out to you... If you want to talk privately,, then "pm" me...

    I will not "argue" just want to help... As scripture says in II corinthians...
    We cannot do anything against the Truth... What you or I say or Do does not
    change the Truth.. we can only manifest the truth as we live according to it
    and show God's vindication through His blessings on the obedient servant of God..

    God bless my friend... I care.. I care...

    In Sincerity and Truth,

    Michael
     
  5. bubba jimmy

    bubba jimmy
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    I agree with the others who have responded. I woudl encourage you to get counseling from your pastor about your current relationship. I could see some issues with the two of you going into marriage on a somewhat unequal footing. It could be a problem later, and I think if the two of you discussed that aspect of things with your pastor you might be better prepared for the usual dynamics that creep into all marriages.
     
  6. Bro. James Reed

    Bro. James Reed
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    Your ex-wife cheated on you, broke the marriage covenant, and freed you from that bond. As far as that marriage goes, she is dead to you and you are free to pursue a relationship with a nice young woman who will treat you in a better way.

    You will no doubt hear things from others who disapprove of your remarriage, but you must know that you have the scriptural high ground here. The marriage bed was defiled by your spouse, not by you.

    Stay on course with your new lady, hopefully she is a Christian too, and may God bless you both as you serve Him.

    A marriage built on Christ, with him as the focus by both people, will not falter.
     
  7. jowe81

    jowe81
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    thank you all so very much. i really appreciate the kind words, and opinions.

    keep me in your prayers. i appreciate all the kind words
     
  8. TCGreek

    TCGreek
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    Jon, first up, let me express my sympathy fro what you are going through. I do not wish what happened to you on anyone. May God bless you.

    In fact, I just got back from a lectureship where Divorce and Remarriage was featured as a three-day lecture.

    Second, Jon, I would point you to the Scriptures. Do you have a pastor who is knowledgeable about the Scriptures on this issue, and who is not judgmental? Seek his counsel, for you see God oftentimes wants us to use those who are godly around us.

    Third, I would encourage you to pray and grow through the Scriptures. Seek a closer communion with God.

    Fourth, from what you have outlined above, the end to your marriage is clearly within the perimeters of Scripture (Matt. 5:32; 19:9). I believe God will bless your marriage.

    Finally, continue to seek counsel and ultimately trust the Lord in this one. Please, seek godly counsel and don't only go to others to confirm what your desires are. Make sure that you are seeking sincere counsel. Marriage is honorable and it is a reflection of the mystery between Christ and his church (Eph. 5:32).
     
  9. AAA

    AAA
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    I asked almost the same question here: "Re-marriage".

    http://www.baptistboard.com/showthread.php?t=37258

    It has over 20+ replys to the question and I hope that it will be of some help to you....

    Prayer is the best, because it is GOD that will answer you, instead of getting men's vain ideas.....And I hope that all the answers that people give will be HIS best for you.....
     
  10. gerald285

    gerald285
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    You are free to mary in the Lord. If this new person is a Christian you are free to marry since your first wife was an adulterer.

     

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