Featured Republicans skip meeting they demanded

I've got Triple something or other -- can't find my card or I'd tell you what it is -- for my private doctor. I don't use the VA. But if I did, that would work for me. Problem is, the VA isn't as efficient as active duty medical care professionals.

 

WARNING: This post needs to be read with the knowledge that it is said "tongue in cheek".

New ArmyCare regulations for civilians:
1. Sick call will be from 0530-0630. If you don't make it during this time, then go to work and try again tomorrow.
2. If you are going to sick call for a persistent problem, you will be turned away and told to make an appointment.
3. If you call and make an appointment, you will be directed to try sick call.
4. After several days of trying to be seen, you will be told to drink water.
5. If problem persists, you will be given ibuprofen.
6. If ibuprofen does not solve the problem, you will be allowed to see a doctor, who will prescribe ibuprofen.
7. If problem still persists, you will be referred to a specialist. (Doctor, not to be confused with an E4.)
8. Upon review of your case, the specialist will prescribe ibuprofen.
9. If problem persists, you will be taken seriously finally.

The goal of the new program is to get you to refer yourself for self-medication to receive ibuprofen OTC. In failing this, hopefully your problem will resolve itself before you complete all steps. In failing this second objective, you will learn to live with pain.

 

... or be hospitalized for the serious medical condition you knew you had all along, or you will die, whichever comes first.