resigning soon and needing advice

Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by BroChris, Dec 15, 2005.

  1. BroChris

    BroChris
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    I don't even know where to start...my church is that unhealthy.

    Long story short, I obviously do not agree with the direction or lay leadership of the church that I currently serve as Youth Minister. The personnel committee wants to talk with me this Sunday, probably to ask for my resignation. I'll gladly give it, but my question is how much should I seek to correct them before leaving. Do I speak boldly with the committee only? Do I bring my concerns to the church as a whole so that they would know both why I'm resigning, and what's going on? Or do I simply leave quietly and hope that God corrects them and uses them despite their history?

    I apologize if this thread is too similar to the C.S. Murphy's thread " how much is too much?" I'd really like your Christian counsel on this, though. Thanks.
     
  2. Johnv

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    BroChris, you're under no obligation to put lipstick on a pig. It's a waste of lipstick. Leave the pig and let it walk itself to the slaughter.
     
  3. j_barner2000

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    I would be detailed with the comittee and somewhat less detailed with the congregation if they allow you to read a letter of resignation publicly.

    I would not sugar coat it, but be dignified.
     
  4. Pastor Larry

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    The personnel committee??? I missed that one in the NT.

    Have you talked to the pastor about this? I would start there and express my concerns. I would express them to the "personnel committee" in detail. I would not express them to the church.
     
  5. Circuitrider

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    Amen, that would be question and advice too. [​IMG]
     
  6. BroChris

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    I agree 100%.

    My pastor resigned a few weeks ago for the same reasons: the personnel committee (and its supporters) made him miserable. Basically, this group of layleaders somehow declared that they had authority over the church staff, and the rest of the congregation bought into it. The committee has lied, accused, and convinced the congregation that they are right. The saddest thing, in my opinion, is that only 2 or 3 individuals are the puppet-masters, and everyone else follows their lead, even though these puppet-masters have displayed poor character and committment over the last couple years.

    The pastor and I have discussed these things in detail for many months now, praying that situations would improve. Sadly, it ended in both of our resignations, and a church that doesn't seem to care about morality, calling, or the loss of their most dedicated church members.
     
  7. blackbird

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    I believe Johnv hit the nail right on the head on this one, too!!

    Its pitiful that lay people "lord it over" the staff---my soul!!! Get out, Bro. Chris!
     
  8. Brother Ian

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    BroChris,

    I cannot begin to express how disappointed I am to hear of your situation. There should be some lightbulbs going off in people's heads if your pastor and you are leaving. The church should be thinking, "What's wrong with us?"

    My heart breaks for you and your pastor. I cannot begin to think how grieved the Lord must be over this.

    As others have said, I would express in detail what needs to be done. Perhaps start with disbanding the personnel committee and starting over. What role do the elders or deacons play? Are other staffers involved?

    Again, I'm sorry and I know I will pray for you.
     
  9. dh1948

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    I assume that Bro. Chris is a young man who has a long future in ministry ahead of him. I am inclined to go along with Johnv to an extent.

    Leave in a loving spirit and don't burn any bridges. Bro. Chris, if you stir the pot too much the stench will follow you for many years to come.

    Use godly wisdom in this matter.
     
  10. PastorSBC1303

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    Chris, I think you have been given some good advice here. I will add one additional item. If you do not already have one, find an older pastor that you can trust and build a good relationship with him. This will provide you with someone you can trust to share all of the things on your heart and help you through times like this. I have a pastor friend in my life that means the world to me and I know that I could call him up at anytime and share my heart.
     
  11. shannonL

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    My first church was the little church from "hades" I dont' have time to go into the long and the short of it. I was 29 they brought me in to train me right. HEE HEE. Anyway! I was dignified about it but I let the church know what the real deal was. This little church seemed to be proud that it had a reputation for "running off preachers" I told them plainly that after years and years of preachers leaving they were still there. Maybe they needed to leave instead of all the preachers. Just remember this. Think about the "good people" in your church. (If there are any) If there is then if you speak the truth a bout the "puppet masters" you might lay the groundwork for the next guy that comes along. The timid followers might assert themselves more when the next "victim" , I mean pastor comes along.
    When I resigned from that little church I had 3 area pastors come to me and tell me that I was ther first pastor that did not tuck tail and run. I exposed the "self absorbed" deacon body for what they were.They said I was the first pastor in 25yrs. to give a voice to the decent folk in that church.
    Remember this. " The truth will stand when the world falls" . So I say put your shoulders back, be direct but not cocky go in there and tell them the truth and let the cookie crumble. Then kick the dust off your feet and let God deal with that bunch. Don't shy away from the truth.
    The SBC I grew up in had a "committee on committees" that is wack may friend. Have you ever heard of to many chiefs and not enough indians?
     
  12. Hope of Glory

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    I like smaller churches better for this very reason. Less opportunity for corruption, and easier to take care of when it does pop its ugly head up.

    Edited to add the real reason that I posted: It sounds as if you have been given advice that is good as it gets without specifics. Just pray about it, then pray some more. Follow God's lead.
     
  13. rlvaughn

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    I agree that you've been good basic advice, considering the small amount of what you actually know about the problem.

    I think Pastor Larry sums it up pretty well. "The personnel committee??? I missed that one in the NT" (although I'd say I missed the youth minister part as well). Express your concerns to the "personnel committee" in detail. I also would not recommend expressing them to the church. It's unlikely you'd be able to correct much on your way out.
     
  14. John of Japan

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    BroChris, the only thing you don't mention is if any of your trouble involves the pastor. While having compassion for your difficult situation, may I gently suggest that if there is any friction between you and the pastor in this matter, that you let well enough alone when you leave? Chances are you won't help anything by unloading on the committee.

    On the other hand, if the pastor is on your side, you may help him by airing your concerns to the "personnel committee" (whatEVER that is!).

    And may I seriously suggest that you pray about the mission field, or even church planting in the States? When you start your own church and win people to Christ and train your people according to Matthew's Great Commission, they will follow you as far as you want to go. [​IMG]
     
  15. BroChris

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    None of my problems have to do with the pastor. He's already been through what I'm about to go through: a big-headed committee that criticizes and abuses that power that they shouldn't even have.

    I'm very much open to church planting. I like the idea of not having to rebuild a crumbling church.

    Oh, and I agree that the Bible doesn't mention youth ministers either. I've been telling my wife for quite some time that my job wouldn't exist if church members did their job. I believe it.

    Bro. Ian mentioned trying to disband the personnell committee to start over. Funny thing is, they all resigned 2 months ago as a part of their ploy to get the pastor to resign, saying that they had failed to hire the right staff. It worked, and after he resigned, the nominating committee offered them all their positions back. They all accepted. In the last business meeting, when it was brought before the church to accept the people to serve on committees for the coming year, I asked the personnell committee members why they felt they could do a better job since they felt they had failed in hiring the current staff. There was no responce, but after about 30 seconds of silence, one of them stated that he would talk to me privately about it. Apparently, this answer satisfied the congregation, because they approved their appointment back onto the committee (I was the only "nay").

    So it looks like all of the church follows them. They won't listen to reason, especially not from this young seminary student.

    By the way, half of those on the personnel committee are also deacons, so going to the deacons wouldn't help either.

    Thanks for all of your support and listening ears. It really means a lot to me.
     
  16. TaterTot

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    Goodness, Chris. This sounds like the same church we left 6 years ago, under pressure. We fought til the bitter end, but we ultimately left and didnt look back. I think its noble that you want to help an unhealthy church. Going through this experience will probably help you do just that in the future.

    What I learned from my experience, - listen to their concerns, and truly try and see if they have any ligitimate ones. If not, allow God to use this experience to build character in your life, even though its painful. Keep us posted.
     
  17. Brother Ian

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    I would definitely speak the truth in love and respectfully with the personnel committee, but in no uncertain terms, let them know you are a man of biblical integrity and le them know the reasons for your position. You might want to make an outline of what you want to say so you can remain on track. Maybe even write down verbatim what you want to say.

    Keep us informed of when the meeting is (if it happens) so we can pray for you.
     
  18. Hope of Glory

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    This complaint can apply to many different situations, eh?
     
  19. BroTom64

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    I've been through similiar stituations. I am praying for you.

    Tom
     
  20. tenor

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    I've been in a similar situation. Be candid, but not nasty. Notes are VERY helpful. They can help you avoid saying something that will come back to haunt you later.

    Our prayers are with you.
     

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