Respect by titles

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Salty, Jun 7, 2011.

  1. Salty

    Salty
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    In the thread about "Reverend" DHK said
    "Just out of curiosity, if you are trying to raise your children to respect their elders and one or two of the middle-age women refuse to be called by Mrs. or Miss, but still want to be called by their first name--even by your toddlers, and pre-teens what do you do? You don't want it. You want to teach them always have respect to their elders by giving them some kind of title (Mr. Mrs., Miss, Ma'am, Sir). How do you counsel your children in that situation?
    __________________

    Actually this is a pet peeve of mine.
    I insist on a child calling me Mr. Lastname (no I am not related to Ann!)
    In fact, if a child did address me by my first name, I will not recognize his communication - period.

    As far as the situation that DH mentioned, my recommendation would be to go to Middle Age Lady and ask - "Do you believe that children should obey their parents" Hopefully, they will say yes. "Well, I have instructed my children to address all adults by a title - Mr,Miss, Mrs, Rev, Doctor, ect" May I please have your support in helping my children to show proper respect?"

    I personally believe a major problem in America, is a lack of respect and responsibility. Calling someone Mr. Jones may not end all the worlds woes, but it is a beginning.

    Your Royal Highness Salty

    PS and don't even get me started on people who litter!! talk about no respect and no respoinsibilty...
     
  2. DHK

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    I agree. But that is the reason I asked the question in the other thread (Reverend). Respect ought to be taught from a very early age. If it is taught from childhood up then by the time children reach adulthood, they will have no problem addressing their pastors as Pastor_______, even if the preference is otherwise. The proper title is Pastor. Children ought to be taught that, even the "children" of the church.
     
  3. Salty

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    I agree. In fact, when I see school teacher that I sat under, I still call them Miss Smith and Mr. Jones.
    Even though I am privelage to the title of Rev, which I do use at appropriate times; when I am in the pulpit, and its time to for the pastor (I am not the pastor of the church) to come up, I always refer to him as pastor in public settings. In private, we refer to each other as Jeff and Bob.

    So are there parents out there who currently do mind your young children calling adults by their first name?
     
  4. annsni

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    My kids do the title/first name thing for many people and those who are EXTREMELY close, they call "Aunt" or "Uncle". So we have just in the church office, Miss Charlotte, Miss Vickie, Miss Anny, Miss MaryAnne, Pastor Lee, Pastor Pete, Mrs. Compitiello, Miss Sue, Pastor Steve, Miss Cindy, Antonio (he's deaf and the deaf don't tend to use titles), Pastor (our senior pastor) and then Miss Nancy. That's going down one hallway at church with our staff. :)
     
  5. Scarlett O.

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    The kids at church call me Ms. Kim. My students at school called me Ms. (My last name). I would not be comfortable with children that I worked with calling me by my name without a title.

    Although they will try it. I have one or two students every year who, on a dare from someone else, will call me "Kim". I always tell them that they can call me that once they have turned 25 years old and then we laugh and move on and they don't do it anymore.

    However, other adults can do as they please. If I am introducing other adults to children, I always introduce them with a title - even if they are high school or college age kids working with me in Vacation Bible School. It's not that it automatically commands more respect, because it doesn't.

    It just puts a dividing line in the sand between a child and the person in charge of him or her. And there needs to be a dividing line. People who want to be a child's "pal" always end up with the child or children calling the shots and that can quickly turn into something unacceptable.

    One can be friendly, supportive, nurturing, and a source of safety and trust with a child/student without having to be their bosom buddy. That never works in the long run. In fact, it often backfires.
     
  6. JohnDeereFan

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    I'm going back to school now and, in some cases, I am not only older than many of my instructors, but have far more teaching experience than they do. In the classroom, I still refer to them as "Mr./Professor/Dr. So and So" out of respect for their position and authority.

    Same here.

    We do not allow our children to address adults by their first names. We also teach them to say "Sir" and "Ma'am".
     
  7. revmwc

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    A few ways to address this, sister snotenrod could be sister mary or there was a lady in my church told them to just call her nanny. Or if your close she could be called Aunt Mary. I find the men want to be respected more by calling them Bro. Doodldigger or Bro. Snotenrod, just the Brother part of course.
     
  8. NaasPreacher (C4K)

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    Maybe it is because we have lived in a different culture so long, but I don't see a connection between titles and respect.

    'Roger' said with respect is much nicer that 'Pastor Parrow' with disrespect.
     
  9. JohnDeereFan

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    I would think that anyone with any sense would recognize that something said disrespectfully would be disrespectful. But the fact remains that calling someone by their first name shows a casual and informal relationship with them and that is an indicator of how you view them, their authority, and the responsibilities with which they have been entrusted.
     
  10. NaasPreacher (C4K)

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    I assume that since we seem to be discussing a Biblical issue here you have scripture to back that up?

    If not are we not discussing opinions?
     
    #10 NaasPreacher (C4K), Jun 7, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 7, 2011
  11. JohnDeereFan

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    Actually, what we're talking about is a social and cultural issue, not a Biblical issue.
     
  12. NaasPreacher (C4K)

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    Well then, it is a matter of opinion.

    In this culture Mr and Mrs are generally never used, except in the most formal situations. 'Sir and ma'am' are seen as elitist and no one wants to me called that. Before I learned that I had people get angry with me for using it because it implied that they we not regular people.

    There just does not seem to be any connection between titles and real respect. I know the people I am privileged to serve with and know using 'Roger' does not in any way show disrespect or a failure to understand my position as pastor.
     
  13. sag38

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    I generally address the senior saints in my church by Mr. and Mrs. and I say yes/no sir and mam. But, there are some who have specifically told me not to do so but to call them by their first name. They tell me that it makes them feel old. I recall a woman in her 80's tell me very plainly, "I am not a "mam," call me Ann." I honor her request even though I feel funny calling a woman old enough to be my grandmother by her first name. But, if that's the way she wants it then who am I to deny the request of my elder?
     
  14. Arbo

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    I was taught to address my elders and those in authority by their titles, as a way to show respect.

    I agree that to use a more familiar form of address in keeping with an elder's wishes is also proper. I think it can be insulting not to abide by their wishes.
     
  15. revmwc

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    It seems in many of the Northerners don't use the titles of Sir and Maam. I have had some from the North tell me that it is a southern derogatory term dating back to slavery. So the use of Mr. and Mrs. might just fall the same way to many of the them. As well as other titles of respect we use in the South so it can be a cultural thing.
     
  16. Jim1999

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    Don't you think respect is actually reflected in your speech rather than the title we use?

    This transfers to all cultures, it seems to me.

    I know many Americans have ill feelings about President Obama. He impressed Canadians when he came to Ottawa. He behaved like a normal, friendly visitor, rather than a US president. He visited shops to buy gifts to take home and talked with the store clerks about his family back home. He was a normal person. We respected him.

    Cheers,

    Jim
     
  17. JohnDeereFan

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    Born and raised in Alabama, but lived in New Jersey for a while when I was a teenager. If I had a nickle for every person who asked me if I was in the military because I said "Sir" and "Ma'am", I'd have a lot of nickels. Heard it all the time.

    Never heard such a thing. Did they explain how they came to that conclusion?
     
  18. JohnDeereFan

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    If you go to court and use respectful speech when addressing the judge, but call him by his first name, do you think he'll think you're being respectful to his authority or the responsibilities with which he's been entrusted?

    I notice that you refer to him as "President Obama" and not "Barry". Why is this?
     
    #18 JohnDeereFan, Jun 8, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 8, 2011
  19. revmwc

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    Was told it was derogatory, because the slaves were made to say Sir and Maam to the slave owners and those who had charge over them.
     
  20. JohnDeereFan

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    "Sir" and "Ma'am" existed before slavery and have traditionally been used in contexts that have nothing to do with slavery. It's unfortunate that your friends believed that, but I've found that Northerners believe a lot of strange things.

    When I first moved to New Jersey, my friends were shocked that I ate catfish, because they didn't believe it was an edible fish.
     

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