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Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by El_Guero, Sep 8, 2006.
If we really believe in the Sanctity of Marriage, then why are so many singles not getting married?
The sanctity of marriage has to do with not defiling the marriage bed, not with the necessity to get married in the first place.
Defiling the marriage bed can happen any number of ways.
1. Sex outside of marriage, either before or during marriage.
2. Joking about the marriage partner in a negative way
3. Ignoring the marriage in favor of business, golf, or anything else
The "marriage bed" isn't just a four-poster on which you both sleep. It is a term referring to the entire marriage, the union between husband and wife. It has saddened me to see in jokes and posts here on BB the number of times a marriage partner is held up to ridicule either in fantasy or reality. To me, that is as much a desecration of the sanctity of marriage as sex outside of marriage would be.
Just as a note, the young man who posted about the in-law problems -- and that sort of post -- that is another matter. That is asking for help from those experienced in marriage. He is not ridiculing his wife. I certainly can see a difference and I hope others can, too.
Our culture has lost its respect for marriage almost entirely and our children are being raised to see living together and even marriage as temporary affairs to be terminated when no longer comfortable. THAT is a desecration of marriage and the marriage bed.
What is interesting is that this is the precise reason many are not getting married. At least they don't want to play at something which they no longer consider meaningful. There is at least an ounce of refusal to be a hypocrite in that, regardless of the morality involved.
Maybe they haven't met the right person?
Maybe they are afraid of commitment?
The young adults today were either in families where divorce took place or had so many friends with divorced parents, that they seem to mistrust marriage or commitment.
I was talking about this with my son and his friend one day (both age 24). They said that growing up they had so many friends with divorced parents it was common. This was not true when I was growing up. Kids from divorced families were the exception, not the norm.
My son, in fact, was the product of this as I was divorced from his dad (before I was saved). In fact, the other day I told my son that I noticed that several of his friends are from divorced homes. He said, "Well, Mom, so many families are divorced families!"). He didn't say it, but it was like "duh, Mom." :smilewinkgrin:
Well . . .
I keep hearing things like: "I am afraid of commitment"; "God has not brought me the right person"; "[j]oking about . . . marriage . . . in a negative way"; "God does not want me to marry yet"; and so many others.
But, the common denominator is that we today are not right with God.
IMHO. We (& to some degree, I must include myself) are elevating individualism and we are not elevating the family of God.
Part of the change is truly cultural, but the change moves beyond cultural.
I may regret this, as I usually do when talking about this subject....but....
You have made an incorrect connection with two separate ideas that are not connected at all.
You have determined that because marriage is holy and ordained by God that being single is unholy and rejected by God.
You are mixing apples and oranges. You are saying and have said many times that people who aren't married are sinning by not being married. The bible doesn't say that anywhere.
Jesus wasn't married. Paul wasn't married. Moses' sister, Mirian wasn't married. I am not married. Other members of the BB are not married.
Our marital status does not determine our righteousness or unrighteousness.
Being single does not mean that a person is opposed to marriage. Jesus wasn't opposed to marriage. Neither was Paul nor Miriam nor myself nor other single people I know.
Being single just means that you are not presently married. For a host of reasons.
God may desire someone to be single for a season. He may not have brought them to their spouse-to-be yet. There are many, many logical, sound, and perfectly acceptable reasons why a person may not be married.
And to hear from someone over and over that they believe that being single means that you are "not right with God" (as you have said many times) really bothers me.
While I believe that you have adequately "determined that because marriage is holy and ordained by God that being single is unholy and rejected by God" it is not my belief.
I regret that you have such feelings.
. . . personally, I believe that God chooses some for a life of singleness and consecration to His ministry.
Jesus is engaged to His Bride. In OT law - that is the same as marriage. A certificate is required to put her away . . .
We do not know Paul's marital status.
And while your marital status may bother you, it does not bother me.
You made claims of statements that I have never made. You allege statements that I have not made.
I think you are projecting what you feel upon me . . . if that makes you feel better . . . well . . . it is still a lie.
Well, that's good, but I am a little confused because that is not what you have said before, here and other places.
You have said more than once that single people are "not right with God". You said in this thread that that was no excuse...."the common denominator is that we are not right with God."
My marital status does not bother me in the least. I am very happy. I won't post anymore on this topic with you because my head spins. But you may have the last word on it.
Hey, I meant to tell you Scarlett, we got rid of the old singles club at the Church and instead we have a "Worship through fellowship" club. We now encourage couples or any member to bring friends, family and join the Church for a monthly night out.
We went bowling last Thursday and had a fairly good turnout. One of the singles told me today how much he appreaciated this change. He described the previous group as, "a Christian science experiment" where everyone would watch and gossip to see who would "hook up". I guess he lives in the same appartment complex as one of the single ladies. He stopped giving her a ride because of the rumors.
I never would have known without ya, so, THANKS!
Ha! You're welcome.
That reminds me of something funny that happened tonight.
When I went down from the piano to sit in the congregation, I sat at the end of one particular pew. When I looked to see who was sitting at the other end, it was one of the single men of our church who is my age.
Well, knowing how some people in our church are, I knew that they were thinking, "hmmmm.....why did she sit down on the same pew as he did?" :love2:
So, I wanted to move! But then I thought moving would have made it worse, so I stayed. I looked down the pew and smiled politely and he smiled politely back. I'm telling you.....those innocent and benign encounters can really get the tongues to wagging at my church! :laugh:
Those encounters really got your finger to typing as well.
Great! I play at the organ at the wedding. I better start learning so I can atleast get he first note right. :laugh: :laugh:
Oh, no! We're not interested in each other....but the church is interested in him being interested in myself or another woman in our church.
I don't think the church really cares! :laugh:
But to tell the truth, the other woman is interested in him, and he and I really don't "click"....so........there might be a wedding, but I won't be the bride.
So I guess ya'll won't need me on the organ since you'll be availible. And I was thinking of buying an instruction book and everything...
Thank you for your post, Sister Helen! Probably one of the best all around explainations I have ever read.
#2 is called "Foolish jesting"----I have heard a husband "Jest" foolishly about his wife as early as last night after church!!
More of the same old tricks, I see.
Make a statement, then when it is refuted, quickly say you never said it. Thankfully, we have the OP as a witness
Here is the OP to support your insinuation . . . you "have the OP as a witness".
That was a question. Why do you spread lies?
The reality is that men and women are waiting on average a decade longer than they did 20 years ago. Christian men and women are living together in sin.
If their sin does not scare you - OK. But, don't lie and insinuate words to me that I did not say.
I agree, Helen did an excellent job.
I don't know how much jest has been involved, but I have heard many 'ministers' (some were in seminary - so they were in training) say that they should not have gotten married.
Well, your OP said nothing about Christians living together, and niether did my reply. On the other hand, you did make a connection between the sanctity of marriage as opposed to singleness.
Good post. I agree. :thumbsup: