Signs of the times

Discussion in '2003 Archive' started by Jailminister, Aug 18, 2003.

  1. Jailminister

    Jailminister
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    1. There was a church that had problems with outsiders parking in
    its parking lots, so they put up a sign:

    CHURCH CAR PARK - FOR MEMBERS ONLY
    Trespassers will be baptized!

    2. "No God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace."

    3. "Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"

    4. "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin Robbins."

    5. "Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"

    6. An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone
    tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a
    headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief; take two tablets."

    7. When the restaurant, next to a church, put out a big sign with red
    letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its
    own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."

    8. "People are like tea bags -- you have to put them in hot water,
    before you know how strong they are."

    9. "Fight truth decay -- study the Bible daily."

    10. "How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Nonsmoking?"

    11. "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives"

    12. "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the
    pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."

    13. "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."

    14. "Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."

    15. "If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."

    16. "If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."

    17. "Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain
    eternal fire insurance soon."

    18. "This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?" (U R)

    19. "In the dark? Follow the Son."

    20. "Running low on faith? Step in for a fill-up."

    21. "If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."
     
  2. 2Timothy4:1-5

    2Timothy4:1-5
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    or...

    "Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church" lol

    Kenneth
     
  3. go2church

    go2church
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    Those cutesy signs are in my opinion lame. Hald the time I don't even get them and I have been in church my whole life!
    Now that may open up whole nother can of comments I just opened ;)
     
  4. amixedupmom

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    These are very thoughful comments. Meant to get the average man to take a look at his life. God always gives us signed, but even as believers we barely pay attention. I ask him why he did it, but he did it so we would talk to him. It's like kids. You take something away to get thier attention. You spin them around and look them in the eye just to get them to listen. I'm very happy God is a patient man... If he weren't my backside would be sore. ;)
     
  5. Artimaeus

    Artimaeus
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    I personally like zingers that make you think. See if you "get" any of these.


    CHRISTIAN ONE-LINERS !
    (but not reserved for just Christians to enjoy:)
    1. Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited-until you try to sit in their pews.
    2. Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
    3. It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
    4. The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
    5. When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
    6. People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
    7. Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
    8. Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
    9. The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience: "And in conclusion."
    10. If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
    11. Not only are the sins of the fathers visited upon the children, but nowadays the sins of the children
    are visited upon the fathers.
    12. God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
    13. To make a long story short, don't tell it.
    14. If your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing, you should consider running for a job in Washington, DC.
    15.. Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
    16. Peace starts with a smile.
    17. I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay
    home from?
    18. A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the
    premises.
    19. We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
    20. Outside of traffic, there is nothing that holds this country back as much as committees.

    <> <> CHRISTIAN BUMPER STICKERS <> <>

    Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.
    Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
    Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
    Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
    Forbidden fruits create many jams.
    God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
    God grades on the cross, not the curve.
    God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"
    God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
    He who angers you, controls you!
    If God is your Copilot - swap seats!
    Prayer: Don't give God instructions - just report for duty!
    The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
    The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
    We don't change the message, the message changes us.
    You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
    The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given

    "Father, bless this person in whatever it is that You know he or she may be needing this day!"
     
  6. Kent Witcher

    Kent Witcher
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    I agree that these type of messages which you see on church house marquees pretty much everywhere today are at best silly.

    Why don't these churches put scriptures on their signs. It doesn't make people grin or chuckle but it does carry with it the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
     
  7. I Am Blessed 24

    I Am Blessed 24
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    Some of these signs have been known to convict people too. I am a Christian and I have been convicted by them. God can use anything He wants to convict. I am so glad God has a sense of humor.

    The signs are eye catchers. Everyone knows they are going to hear scripture at church, they do not know they will sometimes hear humor too.

    Hey! If it gets people to stop and think or maybe even attend a service...it's a GOOD thing!

    [​IMG]
    ┬žue
     
  8. Kent Witcher

    Kent Witcher
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    God can use anything He wants to convict
    ------------------------------------------------------

    Exactly, The proclamation of scripture is the means by which God has chosen to bring people to where conviction can take place.

    ------------------------------------------------------
    Hey! If it gets people to stop and think or maybe even attend a service...it's a GOOD thing!
    -----------------------------------------------------

    I strongly disagree with this approach.

    Anything that detracts even the slightest from a pure image of Christ and his truth is not a good thing but detrimental.

    -----------------------------------------------------
    The signs are eye catchers. Everyone knows they are going to hear scripture at church, they do not know they will sometimes hear humor too.
    -------------------------------------------------------

    A lost or backslidden person has nothing to laugh about. A lost man is facing the damning fires of torment and a backsliden man has nothing to look forward to but a "certain fearful looking for of vengence and fiery indignation"

    These need to hear the whole truth of God so that their souls may be saved and their lives delivered from ruin.


    My prayer is that what remains of the Lord's true churches would turn fromsuch foolish and childish ways and be the grave sober spirit minded people that God has commanded us to be so that the World would not laugh at sin but cry out to God for mercy. [​IMG]
     
  9. Artimaeus

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    Then why didn't you proclaim scripture instead of lashing out at everyone who shows any joy or happiness at being a Christian.

    Prov 15:13 A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

    Prov 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.

    There is a time to laugh and a time to be sober. Having a proper balance is maturity. Being one extreme or the other is mental illness.
     
  10. Sherrie

    Sherrie
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    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    Sherrie
     
  11. Kent Witcher

    Kent Witcher
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    Then why didn't you proclaim scripture instead of lashing out at everyone who shows any joy or happiness at being a Christian.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    I don't know where you got the idea that just because I disagree with someone that I'm "lashing out at them" I've got as much right to express my belief as any one else.

    Here's some scripture. Time would fail me to qoute all that talk about the joy of the Lord.

    "Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not the chastening of the Almighty" Job 5:17

    "Happy is the man that feareth always: but he that hardeneth his heart shall fall into mischief." Proverbs 28:14

    "My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord: neither be weary of his correction: For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth. HAPPY is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding. For the merchandise of it is better than the merchandise fo silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her."

    "Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified." I peter 4:12-14


    "It is joy to the just to do judgement: but destruction shall be to the workers of iniquity"
    Proverbs 21:15

    "Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples. As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love. These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full" John 15 8-11

    "Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my meditation. Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray. My voice shall you hear in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.

    For you are not a God that has pleasure in wickedness: neither shall evil dwell with thee. The foolish shall not stand in thy sight: thou Hatest all workers of iniquity. You will destroy them that speak leasing: the Lord will abhor the bloody and deceitful man.

    But as for me, I will come into your house in the multitude of thy mercy: and in thy fear will I worship toward thy holy temple.

    Lead me, O Lord, in thy righteousness because of mine enemies; make ty way straight before my face.

    For there is no faithfulness in their mouth; their inward part is very wickedness; their throat is an open sepulcher; they flatter with their tounge.

    Destroy thou them, O GOD; let them fall by their own counsels; cast them out in the multitude of their transgressions; for they have rebelled against thee.

    But let all those that put their trust in thee REJOICE; let them ever shout for JOY, because thou defendest them; let them also that love thy name be JOYFUL in thee.

    For thou, Lord, will bless the righteousness; with favor wilt thou compass him as with a shield." Psalm 5
     
  12. HeDied4U

    HeDied4U
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    Sign seen just this evening...

    "Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death."

    God Bless!!!

    Adam [​IMG] :cool: [​IMG]
     
  13. go2church

    go2church
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    It is a comment an opinion, you know what this board is all about! If you what to be funny post in the humor section. Saying a sign is stupid is not lashing out it is an opinion
     

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