Something to Brighten Your Day

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by righteousdude2, Feb 10, 2014.

  1. righteousdude2

    righteousdude2
    Expand Collapse
    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2007
    Messages:
    10,458
    Likes Received:
    136
    [​IMG]

    Church Ladies With Typewriters - They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:
    -----------------------------
    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
    -----------------------------
    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
    -----------------------------
    The sermon this omrning:Jesus Walks on the Water.
    ‘The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.'
    ----------------------------
    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Oh, don't forget to Bring your husbands.
    -----------------------------
    Don't let worry kill you off - the church is here to help.
    -----------------------------
    Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
    -----------------------------
    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
    -----------------------------
    Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. PLEASE PRAY - They need all the help they can get.
    -----------------------------
    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
    -----------------------------
    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
    -----------------------------
    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
    -----------------------------
    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
    -----------------------------
    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
    -----------------------------
    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
    -----------------------------
    Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
    -----------------------------
    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
    -----------------------------
    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
    -----------------------------
    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
    -----------------------------
    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
    -----------------------------
    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
    -----------------------------
    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
    -----------------------------
    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours, too!
     
  2. HAMel

    HAMel
    Expand Collapse
    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2009
    Messages:
    2,048
    Likes Received:
    83
    These are funny. I've seen some before and they always bring a smile. :tongue3:
     
  3. righteousdude2

    righteousdude2
    Expand Collapse
    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2007
    Messages:
    10,458
    Likes Received:
    136
    I would say you did see them before...

    In fact it was you who mailed them to me. I cleaned up the formatting and posted them! :smilewinkgrin:
     
  4. saturneptune

    saturneptune
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2006
    Messages:
    13,977
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks for posting them. They made me smile. They are hilarious. However, beware. A post will come along wondering if these one liners came along with regeneration planned before the foundation of the world, or it the authors of these quips thought them up of there own free will.
     
  5. righteousdude2

    righteousdude2
    Expand Collapse
    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2007
    Messages:
    10,458
    Likes Received:
    136
    That crossed my mind ....

    ... so I crossed my fingers, and hoped some moderator will not come along and more this because it doesn't merit being on General Baptist Discussions! I think any time you can pull another into a post that brings a smile to their face and lifts their heart a bit among the hectic pace this life brings, then it is a form of spiritual discussion, lifting the soul. :smilewinkgrin:
     
  6. Earth Wind and Fire

    Earth Wind and Fire
    Expand Collapse
    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2010
    Messages:
    18,915
    Likes Received:
    94
    Amend...:laugh:
     
  7. righteousdude2

    righteousdude2
    Expand Collapse
    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2007
    Messages:
    10,458
    Likes Received:
    136

    :smilewinkgrin: :thumbsup: :godisgood:
     
  8. just-want-peace

    just-want-peace
    Expand Collapse
    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2002
    Messages:
    5,503
    Likes Received:
    40
    There have been many, MANY times I've just blurted out, "God, thank you for humor!"
    My family swears that I will die from an artery bursting in my head from laughing so hard, and my kids used to make fun of the way my head turned red from some comment from the pulpit.
    I have to believe that God really has a tremendous sense of humor.:thumbs:
     

Share This Page

Loading...