Stages of grief

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by agedman, May 15, 2012.

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  1. agedman

    agedman
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    Sometimes it is wondrous to watch one work through pain (physical or emotional) and/or grief (particularly from loss).

    Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & David Kessler formulated a five stage or "process" in which some have taken as a model: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance

    These were never meant to be a formula, but more of a way of restatement of what area the grief was manifesting.

    Some have modified, added or subdivided the original and so like grief.com have come up with a seven stage approach.

    What I would like to see in this thread is some actual folks expressing how they worked through trauma and especially the grief process.

    What could you say about each "stage" that might be helpful or show the importance or that particular part?

    What has been the lasting impact upon you as a believer?

    What would you be comfortable in sharing that can benefit others who may still be working through trauma and grief?

    If you were approached by someone who was hurting, how would you handle certain manifestations such as anger, bargaining, questioning, guilt ...?
     
  2. freeatlast

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    One step. Put it all on the Lord, problem solved.
     
    #2 freeatlast, May 15, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: May 15, 2012
  3. Amy.G

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    Please, do not ever do any grief counseling.
     
  4. MNJacob

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    This is one of the primary areas that face "pastors" specifically and Christians in general. And we have a tendency to be trite and unsupportive at times where we have the greatest opportunity to be "Christ" to the world.

    It also helps to understand that this cycle is applicable to any traumatic event (i.e. loss of a job, moving) and is not just confined to the loss of a loved one

    The key is that each one of these steps (for my purposes: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance) are a natural part of the process. It is OK to be angry, it is ok to be depressed. These feelings are part of our coping and adapting process. They are not sequential. They don't always happen in the order that they are described. And just because you were angry and are now depressed, doesn't mean that you will not be angry again. They are not exclusive, you can feel more than one of these at a time.

    The final thing is that the new normal that you reach after the traumatic event is not necessarily the same as where you were before.

    I hope that helps a bit.
     
  5. freeatlast

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    In the end the overcoming comes by forgiving if angry and the depression will go.
     
  6. padredurand

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    FAL - at the risk of sounding like you - show me one place in the Bible where someone who lost a loved one was told to get over it and move on.

    Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. ~ Jesus

    In case you don't have your dictionary handy let Mister Webster help you understand what the underlined word means:

    MOURN, v.i. [L. maereo.]
    1. To express grief or sorrow; to grieve; to be sorrowful. Mourning may be expressed by weeping or audible sounds, or by sobs, sighs or inward silent grief.
     
  7. freeatlast

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    eze 24:16,17
     
  8. saturneptune

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    Those verses have nothing to do with the subject being discussed.
     
  9. freeatlast

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    sure they do, but you do not like that scripture?
    How about Lev 10:1-7
     
    #9 freeatlast, May 16, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: May 16, 2012
  10. annsni

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    Ignoring the troll in the house....

    I find the stages of grief - the concept - to be useful when speaking to people who are grieving to let them know the feelings they feel are normal. A young woman (15 years old) just lost her mom to cancer and she was saying after just two weeks that she was still having a hard time and she was wondering if there was something wrong with her. I was able to talk to her about grieving and give her some hope that things will be tough for now but they do get better. Once she understood that, it helped her to be able to allow herself to cry for the loss of her mom. It's just natural to go through these stages - not necessarily textbook perfect but still, understanding will help the person going through it AND it helps someone to counsel them through. Instead of telling them they are doing it wrong, we can tell them that the feelings are normal and then help them to manage those feelings in a healthy way.
     
  11. Mexdeaf

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    The Stages of Grief (or loss) can be very helpful to the Biblical counselor. They provide a way of helping people through the process of grieving- and yes it is a process. The stages not only apply to the loss of a loved one- they also apply to those facing loss such as a disability or cancer.

    Pastors and so-called spiritual counselors who say things like "just trust the Lord, problem solved" should not be allowed to do counseling.
     
  12. annsni

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    Amen. What a dangerous thing to do - to deny our emotions and loss. If even Jesus wept, then why can't we?
     
  13. freeatlast

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    I agree, but I would add that anyone who points them to drugs should not be allowed around another human being.
     
  14. annsni

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    What a stupid thing to say. I pray to God that you never counsel a living soul. Maybe a frog - but then that poor frog....
     
  15. Scarlett O.

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    Christians grieve. That’s reality. It’s biblical sound to grieve. Over death of loved ones, over loved ones we know are in hell, over rebellious children, over lost loved ones, over our own sin, and so much more.

    Paul grieved terribly for his own people and their refusal to turn to Christ. He said that he would give up his own salvation if that would lead them to Christ. That’s grief.

    1 Samuel 30 says that David and his men wept aloud for the destroyed city of Ziklag and their captured people until there was “no strength left in them”.

    The Godly men who buried Stephen, the martyr, grieved over him says the Bible. Romans 12 says that we are to mourn with those who are grieving – it doesn't mention telling them to stop and telling them to get over it.

    When Jesus was in the Garden, He told Peter, James, and John that His “soul was grieved with sorrow even to the point of it killing Him.” Matthew 26. He asked them to stay and keep watch with Him. He didn’t ask them to help Him snap out of it. He needed those men who made up the inner circle of three to bear with Him through his sorrow.

    Jesus also grieved over the city of Jerusalem to the point that He cried over it. Luke 19.

    Almost the entire book of Jeremiah is about grief over the spiritual status of Israel. Jeremiah is called the “weeping prophet” and for good reason.

    We were created in the image of God. God expressed grief on many occasions. Jesus grieved. And we, unfortunately, can grieve the Holy Spirit. To suppress grief or to deny the need to help others through it is to deny an aspect of ourselves that makes us in God’s image.

    We don’t need to compound each other’s burdens by making light of them nor acting as if they just need to snap out of it. When someone loses a beloved father or mother to death and they know that their parent with whom that had a GREAT relationship is burning in hell and will burn forever, that is not something that one gets over quickly.

    A lot of things that people grieve over are not recovered from for years.

    That’s why our hope lies in the fact that ONE DAY God, Himself, will wipe all tears from our eyes and that there will be no more sorrow and no more loss.
    Until that day – grief is part of this life and all of us will experience it. And all of us are commanded to bear one another’s burdens and mourn with those who mourn.
     
  16. freeatlast

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    And all of us are commanded to bear one another’s burdens and mourn with those who mourn

    Exactly! And we don't do that by pushing drugs.
     
  17. Scarlett O.

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    I don't have a frazzlin' clue what you are talking about. This is a thread about the stages of grief, NOT how FAL hates drugs.
     
    #17 Scarlett O., May 16, 2012
    Last edited: May 16, 2012
  18. padredurand

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    Both passages deal with the judgment of God in very specific circumstances. I thought you'd go for Matthew 8:22 but you'd be wrong there too.
     
  19. freeatlast

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    :laugh::laugh::laugh:
     
  20. Arbo

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    It's the obsession du jour. Previously it was his hatred for the military.
     
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