As for another tread, I was one of those “Mr. Boyfriends” except for I never even promised to marry. I had a terrible childhood, been taken for a real loop by a former girlfriend as I was looking for love, and then had a 3 month disastrous marriage with another and after that I trusted no one and was not willing to commit to anything, especially a marriage, or let my heart sink to falling in love and be hurt for it. My girlfriend (now wife) said she loved me but I was not willing to take the chance. I thought she was pathetic and even told her so that she would hang on to me as mean I was to her (to make her give up) and after firmly telling her I would NEVER let myself love. I even moved away and wouldn’t tell her where I was moving to except for she narrowed it down to a general five mile or so range. Well, she checked every apartment complex within a very large area looking at the mailboxes and found me; disgusted with her relentlessness at lunch soon after I picked up on a “Hooter’s girl” and made sure she would be there the next time my girlfriend showed up uninvited displaying the attitude of “so what get lost”. That kind of action hurt her terribly and seeing that started me to thinking- I was really hurting someone who truly loved me and maybe I was making a mistake. It still took me several years in which at times I could be very cold to her in my doubts because of my hard heart. Seeing her hope start to fade and the sadness in her waiting for me to ask her to marry I thought I might as well, I can’t get rid of her and she’ll never leave anyway! Very romantic huh? I started to put value on my marriage especially after our first child was born. It was then that I turned to God and He brought me peace and I think it was Him softening my heart the whole time. I’ve had a lot of tears as my heart softened and the love grew in my heart, a lot of regrets for the hurts that I’ve caused my wife. I have deeply emotionally scared her and now I want to comfort her and reassure her. I have so many things to make up to her and so many desires to prove to her that I can and do love her, but it is so hard to come out and just show it, she seems to look at me and say, who are you? I know you and you aren’t that. Problem is she doesn’t really know me at all anymore, at least how much love I truly do feel, after so long of not showing it you forget how or maybe never did know how, have no practice, and frankly she has trouble believing it and I am clumsy trying to show it. I’m making progress but I really want to speed things up. We need to show affection for a healthy presentation to our children as well as to have a healthy marriage. To start with we don’t even hug and kiss and greet each other when one comes in the door, never have so it seems really out of place when I try to change this. This was my fault to begin with by always pushing away until she got tired of trying and gave up hope being deeply scared. God gave me someone that truly did love and I rejected her so strongly I’ve damaged her. I want the old her back and this time give her the love she deserves. I can’t change the things in the past that caused this but I certainly should be able to make things new. If you understand what I saying, how do I make a fresh new start with my wife and put the past behind us. One thought I’ve had is to renew our vows with a big romantic celebration. But I want her to see the change, live it, and believe it first.