Stay-At-Home Moms

Discussion in '2003 Archive' started by hsmom3, May 2, 2003.

  1. hsmom3

    hsmom3
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2002
    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    0
    I know this is a real strong topic and I don't mean to be a trouble maker at all. I don't want people to start bashing each other, but I was wondering why some men feel like it takes 2 incomes to make it these days? Is it because of our materialistic society? From what I understand, used to, a man would rather die than have his wife work. Where is that manly pride today? I know how hard it is, but isn't it a biblical command for a woman to be a keeper at home? Is a man that wants his wife to work, not doing what is his biblical mandate and responsibility to work and provide for the family? I have heard some men say that a woman should be at home only when the kids are little, but is her job as homemaker not important when the kids are older? Is whether a woman works or not one of those things the Bible gives us a choice on, or is it a command for her to be a "keeper at home?"

    I'm a single Mom who works from home, but I have always wondered about this. [​IMG] I do know how hard it is to make it, but is it because we expect too much? I have very, very little by the world's standards. Someone at my church made a comment to my face that she was thankful they were not as poor as we are...lol (Yes, that statement hurt, but I have to laugh it off.)

    Thank you for your thoughts. [​IMG]
     
  2. Headcoveredlady

    Headcoveredlady
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2002
    Messages:
    1,388
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hello Sister,
    I just wanted to tell you that you are an inspiration to me. You are laying your life down so that you can teach your daughters to be keepers at home. I know it is not easy for you, but God is seeing you through. You really have inspired me, because I do not know if I were single that I would be as strong in my faith as you.

    Yes, I agree American Christians have it backwards. The woman's place of power is in her home, under her husband, supporting and encouraging him. Not out in the world making a name for herself.

    I am sooooo thankful that my husband works so that I can be home with my children. He is very faithful in that and I give all the glory to God for his faithfulness.
     
  3. stubbornkelly

    stubbornkelly
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    3,472
    Likes Received:
    0
    A wife's can certainly work outside the home if it is amenable to her and her husband. The home can still be kept by her.

    What is a keeper? Some have said that, in this context, it means a woman is to stay at home, almost all the time. She is to "stay (keep) at home." Others would say that a keeper is one who maintains and organizes, who keeps order.

    Honestly? I like working. Granted, I'm single, so if I didn't work, well, I wouldn't eat. But still, I plan to continue working outside the home, even if I have children. I want to stay home with them while they are young (not put them in daycare or the like), then continue my career once they are in school. I plan to go to law school, something my boyfriend completely supports, and would like to be able to work it out so that I could be home when my kids are home.

    For many families, it isn't about the money. Let's face it, it's more often the woman's income, in a two income family, that is low, and for many families, once you factor in the costs of working, the additionaly income is negligible. In most cases. But there are women with interests other than children and baking and cleaning and such, and we choose to pursue those interests outside the home by way of working.

    Maybe an additional question - is it wrong for a woman to want to do something beyond raising children and the other stuff involved in keeping a home? To have interests outside the family? I don't think either sex should be putting their career ahead of the family, but generally, do you think a woman should pursue any other interests? Should she even have any other interests? (I'm sure to some this sounds farfetched, but I've heard it before, and am interested in what people here think)
     
  4. Karen

    Karen
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2000
    Messages:
    2,610
    Likes Received:
    0
    Dear hsmom3
    I admire your strong efforts to care for your family in a very difficult situation.

    I do disagree with your understanding of the way things used to be. "Upper-class" men may have felt the way you describe. But historically women have always worked, long and hard.
    We have come to accept as normal that men leave home to work. But historically men were at home working as well as the women. Most people throughout time have been farmers or in some other way directly connected to the land.

    The First Industrial Revolution started to take men out of the home. It is interesting to me that while we think women should be at home, we have accepted men's absence.

    Until my parents' generation, my ancestors were farmers. My female ancestors worked from daylight to dark, and they had VERY little time to do any of the activities we now associate with the advantages of being at home. Quite often while my grandmother worked in the field, younger children were watched by the older ones.
    And not always well-watched, either.

    My mother working in an office and having labor-saving devices at home did work very hard, but she honestly did not work as hard or as long as her female ancestors at home on the farm.

    The STRONG desire of every one of my grandparents was that their children and grandchildren would not have such a hard life on the farm.
    I had several knees in the middle of my back propelling me through college.

    Karen
     
  5. dianetavegia

    dianetavegia
    Expand Collapse
    Guest

    My husband strongly agrees that a woman's place is in the home. Home is my favorite place to be! My idea of a perfect vacation is when everyone has off at once and we stay home, cook out, work in the yard, play board games.....

    Diane
     
  6. Daniel David

    Daniel David
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2002
    Messages:
    5,316
    Likes Received:
    0
    My wife just about a month ago gave birth to our second son. We talked about all of 2 minutes on this issue before we were married. I will work two jobs before she works one. She has zero desire to work and wants to raise the children.

    I will not put my wife into an environment that would promote her being examined by other men, flirted with other men, etc.

    So, if they only reason I had was that of protection, it would still hold.
     
  7. Headcoveredlady

    Headcoveredlady
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2002
    Messages:
    1,388
    Likes Received:
    0
    Amen Diane,
    My husband wants me to get a break at times and gives me offers to go do things. But, my favorite vacation would be a whole day to sew.
     
  8. Molly

    Molly
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2000
    Messages:
    2,303
    Likes Received:
    0
    I agree with Daniel David and my husband is the same way! He has said to me many times,he would get a night job before I would work....thankfully he does not have to do that! But his point is that he provides for us,he has always wanted me to be with the children. I do believe scripture teaches women to be home keepers...they have to determine how they can best follow scripture in this area.
     
  9. Rev. Joshua

    Rev. Joshua
    Expand Collapse
    <img src=/cjv.jpg>

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2001
    Messages:
    2,859
    Likes Received:
    0
    I really don't see this as an issue of "manly pride." I am very proud of my wife's many professional accomplishments, and both are community and her profession benefit from them. My pride and sense of self are not in any way based upon my wife being dependent on me or my income.

    Even in agrarian communities, very few people except the elderly and the infirm "stayed at home." Husbands and wives were out in the fields from sun-up to sun-down. Very young children were cared for my the aforementioned elderly and infirm. Older children were out there with them. The phenomenon of stay-at-home Mom's and stay-at-home Dad's is a product of the Industrial Revolution and the tremendous wealth that even people in lower income brackets enjoy in our country.

    Joshua
     
  10. Thankful

    Thankful
    Expand Collapse
    <img src=/BettyE.gif>

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2002
    Messages:
    8,430
    Likes Received:
    0
    This is another one of those subjects that it depends on the individuals and up to the individuals.

    I admire all of you for the stand that you have taken and I think that it is wonderful if a mother can stay at home if she wants to stay at home, but as Karen and Kelly have pointed out one can be a keeper in home without staying home all the time, and yes, women have always worked and worked hard.

    No woman should feel guilty if she works outside the home. She should feel guilty if she is not taking care of her family. Working outside the home maybe the only way that she has to take care of her family.
     
  11. Johnv

    Johnv
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2001
    Messages:
    21,321
    Likes Received:
    0
    I know this is a real strong topic and I don't mean to be a trouble maker at all. I don't want people to start bashing each other, but I was wondering why some men feel like it takes 2 incomes to make it these days?

    I didn't know it was only men who felt this way. I've always felt that, if no children are in the picture, both parties working should be preferred.

    If there are children involved, then one parent should stay home when the children are home. I don't think that this needs to be exclusively the woman, though.

    I'm not sure why people get hung up about the verse that says women should be keepers of their homes. If they adhere to "the two becoming one flesh", then both spouses should be keepers of their homes.
     
  12. KeeperOfMyHome

    KeeperOfMyHome
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2001
    Messages:
    2,403
    Likes Received:
    0
    Because it doesn't say women are to be keepers of their homes. The verse plainly says they are to be keepers AT home.

    Julia
     
  13. Artimaeus

    Artimaeus
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2002
    Messages:
    3,133
    Likes Received:
    0
    Prov 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. 14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar. 15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. 17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. 18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. 19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. 20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. 22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. 24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. 25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. 30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

    Wow, this lady had a VERY wide range of interests. She dabbled in real estate, politics, charities, agriculture, her household, fashion, and organization. She put a lot of time, effort, sweat, and hours into her endeavors. Christian women can be and are "into" a lot of different, useful, and important activities. I just want you to notice a couple of things. First, she wasn't "full time" into any of these individual activities to the detriment of the others. Second, her motive in all this was for the betterment of her husband and children and NOT to "fullfill" herself. God tells us what a virtuous woman is, try being what this woman was in your "spare" time after work. I fully well realize that this is an ideal woman, but, it is this ideal that women should be shooting for and NOT "finding themselves".
     
  14. Headcoveredlady

    Headcoveredlady
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2002
    Messages:
    1,388
    Likes Received:
    0
    Great point Julia! I would like to add too that women who CHOOSE TO WORK FOR SElFISH REASONS, take on men's curse too. Why would we want man's curse? Isn't our own curse enough?

    Artimeus,
    Yes, and I noticed too that it was her husband who was known in the gates, not her.
     
  15. Carolyn

    Carolyn
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2003
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    If you can stay home you should. A mother should be home with their children and for their husband.
    I do work. I hate it every day. Every day I feel tremendous guilt. I hear my daughter cry that she has to go to afterschool and I can't pick her up at parent pick up.
    But I work, I work because my husband and I do not share the same ideas and now we have a million bills. But if you have the opportunity to stay home, just do it. I can't express enough how hard it is to go to work every day.
     
  16. KeeperOfMyHome

    KeeperOfMyHome
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2001
    Messages:
    2,403
    Likes Received:
    0
    I will be praying for you Carolyn, praying for more grace to face the trials of your life. I know how it feels to want something so badly, and yet, it seems almost impossible that it will ever happen. Just remember that with God, ALL things are possible. There is, at least, the hope that comes from having a personal relationship with Christ.

    Julia
     
  17. Carolyn

    Carolyn
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2003
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you Julia, I appreciate that. Pray for salvation for him too if you can.
    He is trying to do a lot of side work on the weekends, maybe......... that will be the answer, just don't want to get my hopes up.
     
  18. I Am Blessed 24

    I Am Blessed 24
    Expand Collapse
    Administrator
    Administrator

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2003
    Messages:
    44,448
    Likes Received:
    0
    I have been on both sides of the fence. I have been in a position where had I not worked, my children would not have eaten. I am now in a position where I can stay home.

    My husband has had two severe heart attacks and he wears a defribillator inside of his chest. If he becomes disabled...you bethcha I will go out and find a job!

    The Lord said we were to be keepers AT home. I know a lot of women who work outside the home and are still very good keepers AT home.

    (This is not directed at any one person, it's just my thoughts on this situation)

    I don't understand why we can't just do what we feel is pleasing to the Lord and let everyone else do the same. To me, this bickering is silly.

    Arguing over "who is holier", to me, is a much worse sin than holding down a job. What are you teaching your kids by running others down? :confused:

    As far as I'm concerned, if you are not in order in your home, you cannot have your home in order; whether you work outside the home or not!

    [​IMG]
    Sue
     
  19. Headcoveredlady

    Headcoveredlady
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2002
    Messages:
    1,388
    Likes Received:
    0
    Carolyn,
    My heart goes out to you sister. I have been where you are. And I know the pain you are feeling. I chose it when I was there though and I regret every moment of it.
    I will certainly pray for you and this situation. God knows the desires of your heart. I pray that your husband would be touched by your desire to be home to serve him and the children.

    Please let us know how this turns out.
     
  20. Thankful

    Thankful
    Expand Collapse
    <img src=/BettyE.gif>

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2002
    Messages:
    8,430
    Likes Received:
    0
    I am Blessed 16, I wish I had said that. Well said.
     

Share This Page

Loading...