Submitting to your husband and what to wear

Discussion in '2003 Archive' started by Alexandra Spears, Jul 13, 2003.

  1. Alexandra Spears

    Alexandra Spears
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2003
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    0
    Lately I've been preferring to wear skirts, though I have maternity pants and shorts left over (I have not yet lost the weight I gained from my pregnancy with my son--though I am working on it). I only have like 2 skirts to wear.

    Anyway...my husband (who claims to be Christian--not for me to judge) says he wants me to wear jeans and short skirts. I am extremely uncomfortable with the idea of wearing short skirts in public, as for one thing I am self-conscious and I do NOT want perverts whistling at me! I'd be more than willing to wear "sexy" clothes in the privacy of our home for him--but not in public!

    I have no problem with wearing jeans, so long as they're not tight. I also have to wear pants to work as I am a packer in a processing plant, and it's extremely impractical to wear a skirt to work. (Hopefully I can find some work at home opportunity and wave bye-bye to that place!) BTW I think men-in-pants women-in-skirts is just traditional and that clothing depends on the customs and society. What about societies where they wear only robes?

    Back to the subject on hand: If my husband doesn't want me to be *that* modest, what do I do? I'm on leave of absence from work due to a bum ankle and I said I'd dress modestly while he was at work so as not to tempt anyone while at the store or something...he seemed to agree but seemed a bit reluctant.

    Comments? I really need help! :confused:
     
  2. Don

    Don
    Expand Collapse
    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2000
    Messages:
    10,539
    Likes Received:
    208
    1) PRAY

    2) Pray again

    3) Tell your husband that you're uncomfortable (I know you said you've done this, but get his attention and make sure he hears you say this). Get him to tell you what he's really after. Ask him if he's comfortable with other men looking at you because you dress that way. And while I'm not a pastor or licensed counselor, I would highly suggest that you talk to your pastor.
     
  3. Gina B

    Gina B
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2000
    Messages:
    16,944
    Likes Received:
    1
    Alexandra, I had the EXACT same problem! Sometimes I even snuck skirts out of the house to change once I was out.
    But, it was a problem to buy them since he controlled the money and usually went with me to buy anything for the girls, so we had to wear what he bought and he usually wouldn't buy it if he didn't approve of it first, and that usually meant shorts or pants for us all. They WERE less costly though, so I think that was more his issue, along with just thinking it was stupid to wear skirts/dresses in cool or cold weather.
    I really don't know what to tell you. Find out what the issue is. If it's money ask him if you can buy your clothes with your own money. I personally ended up just going with it and changing for church once out of the house because I went to a church that already thought I was evil for wearing them and they had a dress code for members. I probably could have explained to them why I wore pants but didn't feel it was their business!
    But anyway, I hope something works out for you. Perhaps you could talk to him about the length of the skirts and make some kind of compromise? Tell him how other men react to you when you wear them. I can't imagine he would be happy with that.
    Gina
     
  4. dianetavegia

    dianetavegia
    Expand Collapse
    Guest

    Well I was going to suggest your husband is proud of your size and wants to show you off. You might explain to him that it makes you uncomfortable to be 'looked at' and that you don't want to give people a bad impression or hurt your testimony.

    Diane
     
  5. Headcoveredlady

    Headcoveredlady
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2002
    Messages:
    1,388
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hello Alexandra and Welcome,
    I agree with what Don said about praying and then speaking to him. I also recommend fasting for intercession.

    Have you read 1 Peter 3? I think these verses help women who need to witness to their husbands beautifully.

    If the Father leads you to you might ask him if he would not mind if you wore dresses all the time.

    He may not realize that other men are visually stimulated by you in your pants. Pray that God would show him this.

    Also, I know of two ladies who make dresses for a very low price. They are plain dresses though. The one lady makes them for only 14.75 plus shipping and the other lady for 10.00 but you have to send the fabric to her.

    If you would more info please send me a pm.

    Do you sew? That is another way to get them for a low price if money is the problem.

    I will be praying for you that the Father will open up a door for you to do something in your home. Sounds great! Do you have children?
     
  6. Dr. Bob

    Dr. Bob
    Expand Collapse
    Administrator
    Administrator

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2000
    Messages:
    29,402
    Likes Received:
    12
    In a previous life I would say, "Obey your husband and do what he says. You will answer to God for your obedience, not your action."

    A decade ago I would add, "Make an appeal. Try to show him your thinking and desires and see if you can have mutual submission."

    Now I say, "Obey your husband and make an appeal, BUT if you have to, make a stand. YOU have to answer to God. But be willing to bear the consequences for disobeying him."

    BTW, apply this to a husband asking wife to commit murder.

    Or husband ordering his wife to become a prostitute.

    There comes a point, even in marriage, where we must 'obey God rather than man' . . and take the consequences by His grace.
     
  7. Walls

    Walls
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2002
    Messages:
    802
    Likes Received:
    0
    These are all very good posts. I would have to agree with Diane, if wants you to dress a certain way it is so he can show you off. If that truly is the case, all you can do is pray that the Lord will change his heart.

    If it is another issue, handle it in all meekness. You can find decent skirts and dresses at the goodwill, that will help with the expense.

    Above all, if you feel the Lord is leading you to a dress only position, tell your husband and if he is unwillingly, every now and then, put one on, just make sure that when you do, you can look attractive to him, whether it be in you hair or a truly femine outfit. If you can still appeal to his senses, he will like what he sees and be more apt to let you go dress only.

    Some men think it very sexy to see a woman in jeans and t-shirts-to them I would say keep the t-shirts and get some denim skirts.

    Don't give up, and pray. We on the BB are always here for support, even if we don't agree. [​IMG]
     
  8. Alexandra Spears

    Alexandra Spears
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2003
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    0
    Now the crux of my problem is...I think it's okay for a woman to wear pants if they're feminine, like slacks with a nice top.

    I *tend* to think that it has to do with culture. If a culture says women should wear red and guys wear yellow, then women should not wear yellow.

    My husband told me he likes to see me in short skirts. How short is too short? Maybe I can compromise with him....
     
  9. Don

    Don
    Expand Collapse
    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2000
    Messages:
    10,539
    Likes Received:
    208
    Doesn't really matter. How short do YOU think is too short? You're the one that has to be fully persuaded in your own mind, while keeping in mind that we are our brother's keeper (Romans 15:1), as well as having to answer to God for what we do.
     
  10. I Am Blessed 24

    I Am Blessed 24
    Expand Collapse
    Administrator
    Administrator

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2003
    Messages:
    44,448
    Likes Received:
    0
    Alexandra:

    We are to submit to our own husbands "as unto the Lord". If hubby is telling you to wear skirts shorter than would be pleasing to the Lord (and going against the modesty rule), then you have the right to say "no" submissively.
     
  11. Alexandra Spears

    Alexandra Spears
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2003
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think I'm getting closer to a solution. My husband always comments that by parents dressing their little girls like hookers, they're inviting pedophiles.

    Today I said, well, since that's true, then wouldn't me dressing "sexy" invite trouble in much the same way?

    He then said, "Well, I just want you to dress nice."

    I said, "So do I."

    Now how short is too short anyway?
     
  12. Headcoveredlady

    Headcoveredlady
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2002
    Messages:
    1,388
    Likes Received:
    0
    Glad to hear this Alexandra. I have been praying for you and him and will continue to do that.

    Isaiah 47:2-3 I believe give guidelines for what is considered naked.
     
  13. Gina B

    Gina B
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2000
    Messages:
    16,944
    Likes Received:
    1
    How short is to short? Well, personally, I like a skirt to cover me as much as a pair of jeans, so ankle length!
    Anything less would be...shorter. Main point is to be able to be modest in what you're doing. Can you sit modestly in it? If you go up to the altar in church do you have to stand there like a moron because you suddenly realize there's no way you can kneel in that thing? :eek:
    A fitted skirt is going to have to be longer. Loose swinging skirts can be a bit shorter since you can work with them, tuck, do whatever you gotta do, and are easier to wear and be modest in if you work with kids and have to sit on the floor, have kids crawling between your feet, all that fun stuff.
    Gina
     
  14. dianetavegia

    dianetavegia
    Expand Collapse
    Guest

    I think you'd have to decide on how short is too short according to your body style. I am thin but not skinny. However, since I am short (5'2" and 114 lbs), some skirts make me look like I'm a fire hydrant. I wear longer skirts with boots or with heels. I have 'some' dresses or skirts that come just below my knees but really prefer the look of longer things. ONLY FOR LOOKS. I can't wear really full skirts because, again, I'm short and they make me look weird!

    If you're tall and slim, a knee length skirt is great. Just walk and sit like a lady.

    I'm wondering if your husband is going through a VERY common problem a lot of men have when their wives first have children. They do not want to think of you as 'baby's mother' but still want to think of you as 'their lover/ wife'. Some men develop what is called the 'Madonna Complex'. They begin to think it is wrong for them to have sex with the mother of their child.

    Also, hubby might see you as sort of boring right now because all your time is spent caring for your child, wearing casual clothes, nursing?? and smelling of baby powder and diaper rash cream.

    There's a LOT to consider here but I'm quite sure this can be figured out and solved if you just keep the lines of communication open.

    Diane
     
  15. Alexandra Spears

    Alexandra Spears
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2003
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    0
    Actually my son is turning 19 months. Tried the breastfeeding thing and had so many problems I just broke out the free samples of formula I got in the mail! Well, I tried!

    I'm 5'4 and about 210, still have to lose that weight, which I'm working on (Atkins is cool!). My husband has NO problem performing his marital "duty!" [​IMG]

    He wants to see me be at my right weight and be able to look really nice. I have no problem wearing short skirts and revealing things for him in the privacy of our bedroom. Just not in public!
     
  16. I Am Blessed 24

    I Am Blessed 24
    Expand Collapse
    Administrator
    Administrator

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2003
    Messages:
    44,448
    Likes Received:
    0
    [​IMG] Gina [​IMG]

    I prefer my skirts about two inches below the knee. I tried the ankle length.

    I went to the altar and when I got up, I stepped on the back of my long, 'modest', skirt and pulled it down around my hips before almost ending up on the floor! [​IMG] :rolleyes: [​IMG]
     
  17. newlady3203

    newlady3203
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2003
    Messages:
    86
    Likes Received:
    0
    This is not just for what your husband thinks you should wear, but questioning doing something when your husband asks you to do it.

    So long as it does NOT go against God's word, you should obey your husband. Read Deuteronomy 22:5 to him.

    Just always remember we are supposed to be living our lives true to God's word. God places conviction about things in your heart because He sees that you need to make changes in that part of your life.
     
  18. dianetavegia

    dianetavegia
    Expand Collapse
    Guest

    LOL!
    I stepped on my long skirt my last time I went to the altar and almost fell on my face! LOL

    I like skirts below my knees. I have really nice legs for my age but there's something about knees..

    Diane
     
  19. Wisdom Seeker

    Wisdom Seeker
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2002
    Messages:
    5,702
    Likes Received:
    0
    I agree, kneeling at the alter in a dress with high heels in front of the congregation is a trick isn't it? I always seem to step on the back of my skirt and lose a shoe coming up. But I haven't fallen in awhile. I've learned to tuck my skirt above my shoes and sort of rock back onto my feet using my hands on the floor. It sounds awkward, but it actually works pretty well.

    Furthermore, I dress to please myself, although I take into consideration what my husband likes, I don't dress the way he would prefer. Why? Because miniskirts and 5 inch steleto's are just not practical that's why. [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  20. dianetavegia

    dianetavegia
    Expand Collapse
    Guest

    Well I never thought of that Laurenda! That makes sense. I'll do it as I kneel down! Thanks for sharing that! We have steps but many times those are full and getting up from the floor can be a real trick. My best church friend is a 27 year old woman. We usually pray together and help each other up. Both of us have inner ear conditions and we have to 'stabalize' a little before just walking off. Oh I love my friend Jennie!

    Diane
     

Share This Page

Loading...