Tech Support

Discussion in 'Clean Humor' started by Amy.G, Nov 10, 2008.

  1. Amy.G

    Amy.G
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    I got this in my email today and it's especially funny to me because my son is a computer tech and he just got married 3 months ago.

    *******************************************************


    INSTALLING A HUSBAND
    Dear Tech Support,

    Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5..0.

    In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NASCAR 6.0, NFL 5.1 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

    Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

    What can I do?

    Signed,
    Desperate.


    DEAR DESPERATE,

    First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

    Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
    If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

    However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
    Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

    Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

    In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

    In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

    Good Luck!

    Tech Support
     
  2. mcdirector

    mcdirector
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    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa
     
  3. tinytim

    tinytim
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    Awwww! That wasn't funny!...
    Every woman needs a hubby like me!

    :wavey: :D :rolleyes: :eek:
     
  4. Amy.G

    Amy.G
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    That does not compute.

    :tonofbricks:

    :laugh:
     
  5. tinytim

    tinytim
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    [​IMG]

    CAUTION!!! Amy 6.0 is trying to access your harddrive. If this program is allowed to continue, Amy 6.0 will spread malicious male ware against your tinytim application.

    Please take the appropriate action to shut up... er ... shutdown Amy 6.0

    Click here to see the antidote to malicious Male ware...
     
    #5 tinytim, Nov 11, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 11, 2008
  6. Amy.G

    Amy.G
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    Haaaaaahahahahaha!!!

    I won't even try to compete with that post. It was greeaaat!

    You made me..............[​IMG]...........[​IMG]



    But you can't shut me up...er....down. :laugh:
     
  7. tinytim

    tinytim
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    Thank you... thank you.. .

    and never forget you will never be able to compete against a male!

    BWAHAHAHAHAHa!!!
     
  8. Deacon

    Deacon
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    Tim's wife has been running Husband 4.0 for a few years but notes that the system been running slower and has developed some strange quirks.

    It used to be quite portable when it was new.
    She’s finding those extra handles that were added don’t help her at all.

    Rob
     
  9. tinytim

    tinytim
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    Good one!!!

    I am actually speechless....

    Can you do that to Amy too?
     
  10. Amy.G

    Amy.G
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    Why I oughttaaaa........Pow!

    [​IMG]



    Rob, you're alllllrriiiiiiiight!
     
  11. tinytim

    tinytim
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    Amy 6.0 has morphed into an "M" rated game...

    It is now time to run my spyware program again. There has to be a way to quarantine this rogue program.

    I may try witholding "hairdye 3.3" to see if it ages Amy 6.0... thus removing the camoflage... Making it easier to find Amy 6.0
     
  12. Amy.G

    Amy.G
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    HA!!!!!

    You can't remove the hair dye because I don't use it! :laugh: I've earned every grey hair on my head and I'm proud to let it shine!

    Try again o' computer wiz!


    Can't shut me up, can't shut me up, can't shut me up...........caught in a loop. [​IMG]
     
  13. rbell

    rbell
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    A related tech question:

    Dear Sir:

    Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as PokerNight 10.3 and Ballgame 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from the system. I am thinking of going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but un-install does not work on this system.

    Can you help me??

    John Smith
    Dear Sir:

    This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than original system. Look in your manual under Warnings - Alimony / Child Support.

    I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action will be to push apologize button then re-set button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance.

    Sincerely,

    Tech support
     
    #13 rbell, Nov 12, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2008
  14. Amy.G

    Amy.G
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    Hey! That aint' funny Rbell! [​IMG]



    Ok. Maybe a little funny. :D
     

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