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Teens, Sexual Purity Pledges & Marriage

Discussion in 'Youth Forum' started by Pastor G, Apr 4, 2006.

  1. Pastor G

    Pastor G New Member

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    gekko,

    I don't believe you are getting this. No offense intended...really. As a work of the grace of God, we are saints at converstion. Although my desire is never to sin, it happens.

    The point I am trying to make is that righeous living doesn't result from signing a pledge card. It happens as Jesus lives his life through us as we surrender to him, abiding in him.

    All I am saying is that to pledge that we will not sin eventually ends up making a liar out of us. And in the area of teens living a pure life of no sexual slip ups? (and for believers I believe that is what it is, a slip up,) For most teens this is a tall order. For some they will reach the goal but for most, they probably will not.

    In the case that they don't, it doesn't mean they aren't saved. But if they have signed a card promising they wouldn't, they feel they have let God down. Instead of bringing their failure to God, confessing it and being restored, they turn away from him. Personally, I have seen this way too many times.

    I don't think you are meaning to, but you are clouding the issue a bit. [​IMG]

    Again, no offense intended. It's just I don't believe you are understanding the conversation.
     
  2. rbell

    rbell Active Member

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    Gekko,

    You have mis-applied scripture...you took Jesus' "hand to the plow" reference and applied it to sexual sins only. What if they gossip...willfully? What if they insult a Christian brother...willfully? And isn't all sin willful anyway? (It is--James 1:14).

    If you are saying that a LIFESTYLE of constant rebellion indicates a strong possibility that one isn't saved, then OK. But I have news for ya...there have been plenty of Christians who have fallen in the area of sex. Committing lust, adultery, fornication, etc., does NOT indicate you are not saved...you might or might not be. But rather, it indicates that your relationship with God is either damaged (you are a Christian living in rebellion--and God's gonna punish you) or you're not saved.

    But sexual sins don't AUTOMATICALLY mean you're not one of God's.
     
  3. gekko

    gekko New Member

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    no, not all sins are willful... and i did not mean to apply that scripture to just sexual sin. sorry for that.

    remember david saying in the psalms something like "forgive me of my secret sins" in other words... sins that we dont know happen... in a sense. we dont recognize it as such.

    and im sorry if it seems im clouding the issue.

    but i think you, Pastor G, have gotten the point across quite fine. salvation is not by pledge cards. and all that. great advertising by the way. God bless you and the ministry.

    and i think im going to leave this discussion.
     
  4. Pastor G

    Pastor G New Member

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    rbell,

    You seem to have a real grasp on this issue. It is unfortunate, but a fact that many Christians fall in the area of sexual sin and that is not all. Many have been hurt sexually also.

    When we are addressing purity we need to do so with the understanding that there is a lot of hurt out there. Satan is using sex to wound the majority of teens (and adults, too). If we address the sin issue only, the teens file the event of and the pain of their sexual violation in the “sin” file.

    Also, I get email from teens who feel like they are secondary Christians because they are not a virgin going into a purity conference. Now, there can be no removal, nor should there be an attempt to remove, conviction for their sin. However, included in any purity conference needs to be a teaching section on who we are in Christ. As with any sin, God’s view of us is, and never has been, based on what we have done but what Christ has done in us.

    We don’t mean to, but if we aren’t careful, we create a lot of guilt instead of grace on this issue. And we need to understand that this issue is different than any other sin.

    Sexuality issues are different than any other we handle in our ministry. It is not as simple as “save sex for marriage.” And because of its complex nature, purity and sexuality issues need to be handled differently.

    In an earlier posting, a member made reference that I might be using this forum as advertisement for my ministry. Yes, my work is in this area; however, my motive isn’t to “get a gig.” My calendar is sufficiently full. I have been blessed.

    It would be a blessing to me to hear from anyone who would like to join in on a discussion how we can improve on our approach in this very important issue.

    I value yours, and anyone else’s who like to join in, opinions and insights into this matter.
     
  5. PastorSBC1303

    PastorSBC1303 Active Member

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    This is a natural response around here when we see people talking about their ministry and posting links to it. Several times people come and post such things and then never show back up to discuss them.

    I appreciate the fact that you have stayed around to discuss the issues that you have addressed.
     
  6. Pastor G

    Pastor G New Member

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    PastorSBC1303,

    I completely understand. I just want to let everybody know that even though I have been in the Abstinence Ed business for a while(16 years) I feel that we, as the church, are just beginning to understand purity...and that purity and "abstinence" aren't the same thing.

    Understanding the best way to teach purity effectively can't be discerned by one person. I believe God speaks to the body. Every vision needs the affirmation of the body. Without it, more of us will be "drinking Kool-Aid" if you know what I mean.

    Issues surrounding sexuality and relationships are the greatest challenges facing us as the church. We have no choice but to learn the most effective means of addressing this with our people.

    Pastor, thank you for your genuine concern for youth and people in general.

    Let's keep talking, praying and going to the scriptures...that is the only way we are going to find God in this.

    Blessings!
     
  7. UnchartedSpirit

    UnchartedSpirit New Member

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    I still like my webcomic idea...
     
  8. Daisy

    Daisy New Member

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    There used to be a NYC subway ad campaign in comic form - Julio and Marisol (linkie). Of course, it was pro-condom as an AIDS preventative education ad.
    Except since they already have the matches, shouldn't they know where the fire extinguisher is, how to use it, when to get out, how to call 911 and the other rules of fire safety? Refusing to teach them what to do when a fire starts, won't prevent the fire from starting but it may save their lives and the lives of everyone else in the building.
     
  9. KeithKorg19

    KeithKorg19 New Member

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    When I was younger in youth group they had a special sermon on sexual purity. We had to watch some corny videos and listen to the dangers of STDs. They also had the pledge cards. I didn't sign one, because I thought it was silly. If it is supposed to be a decision that you make for yourself, I didn't see how some card you make when you are 13 can help.
    Everyone said "when I lost my purity I felt like something was missing inside".
    I guess everyone is different.. I didn't feel that way at all. Although up till I was around 17 or 18 I still said that I wouldn't have sex until I was married. I was in a situation though that is nothing like what most american kids are in.

    Here is my question..
    Say I was 25, ready to marry, and had kept my virginity. Seriously, what are the chances that you find a girl that you love who is also a virgin? In my mind they are very very small.

    Plus I would want to marry a girl who I could relate with. A girl who has been around the world and seen things that not everyone sees, a girl who isn't naive about what is around her. I have almost nothing in common with the girls I meet at church. To me most of them aren't even desirable.

    I believe in God with my whole heart, but I see so many young christians (and old) living in their own little worlds. It's sad..
     
  10. ScottEmerson

    ScottEmerson Active Member

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    I was a 25-year-old virgin who married a virgin, so it absolutely can happen.

    SEC
     
  11. rbell

    rbell Active Member

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    A few thoughts:

    -I, too, can't stand shabbily done presentations. It's my biggest pet peeve. If you believe you have truth, present it in the most excellent way you can to your audience.

    -It's not about marrying a 25 year-old virgin. It's about marrying someone who is committed to God and is now living pure. Maybe they did mess up at 16. But God forgives. I wouldn't counsel someone your age to 'disqualify' a girl simply because of her past...as long as it is a past that has been forgiven and turned from. BUT, it's a wonderful thing when two people are able to learn God's gift of sexuality from each other exclusively for a lifetime. Having said that, thank God for forgiveness and grace!

    Maybe at 25 you don't meet a bunch of virgins. But there ARE girls out there who are now living pure lives, who have chosen to treasure God's gift of sex, and even if they fell earlier, are going to wait this time around.

    (one word of caution: One's sexual history can factor in to the marital relationship. Yet another important reason for good premarital counseling.)

    -So you want a girl that's not naive. You like assertive and learned women. Great! That has nothing to do with whether or not they've had sex. Don't confuse sexual history with personality traits.

    -"Church girls" are not monolithic. Meet more of them.
     
  12. MRCoon

    MRCoon New Member

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    I think it is best to let the parents teach about sex and to make certain that we teach and encourage Biblical principles. Also I try to teach them about being aware of their environment and to keep themselves out of any compromising situations they must never put themselves in these situations. I never send them out for any activity, visitation or game...nothing in less than a 3 person team (usually same sex) [NOTE: plus I pick the teams to mix them up and not be clique-ish ;) ] and this keeps them more aware adn out of trouble. I trust more people than I should but I also know the Devil will use any good situation to cause trouble and to trip up a young person and take them from the future that God has for them to do. Wanna help a young person keep themselves pure? Keep them out of questionable situations!! Young Man wanna know how to not have sex before marriage? Don't ever be alone with a young lady even to hold hands!!

    As a young person, I took advantage of everything I could...to hold hands or kiss or whatever... even to the point of dishonoring service such as the puppet ministry or bus ministry...because people trusted me without any thought of human nature or teaching me to not let myself be in a those situations. Oh I heard all the right Bible stories and 'practical things' but without a way to stay out of situations and I allowed the flesh to take advantage of the 'opportunities'. How sad and what a waste for so many years!! [​IMG]
    But Praise the Lord...HE IS FAITHFUL!! And now as a Leader I want to teach from my mistakes and to give them every chance for a successful Christian life!! :D
     
  13. UnchartedSpirit

    UnchartedSpirit New Member

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    say...I noticed in all the ministry materaials made on this topic love to dwell on words like "beautiful", "wonderful", "fuffilling", etc, when it comes to sex. Is it wrong to use the word "fun," as does everyone else?
     
  14. vbcpastorswife

    vbcpastorswife New Member

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    AMEN!! I AGREE 100% with all you said.
     
  15. faithgirl46

    faithgirl46 Active Member
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    Gekko do you remember being a teenager and being pressured to go along with the gang?? I do. The peer pressure we went through is nothing compared to what the kids are going through today. Gekko, instead of saying that if the kids were true converts they wouldn't fall away, you need to pray for them. Prayer is a powerful tool Gekko.
    Faithgirl
     
  16. faithgirl46

    faithgirl46 Active Member
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    :applause: :applause: :thumbs: My sediments exactly. Well said.
     
  17. jch-singer

    jch-singer New Member

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    I am 18 and I have never even thought about sex, I'm saveing myself for when after I marry my fiance`.:thumbs:
     
  18. faithgirl46

    faithgirl46 Active Member
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    Joshua. I am so proud of you. I know that God is proud of you as well. You will setthe proper aexample for others trying to do the right thing.
     
  19. jch-singer

    jch-singer New Member

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    Thank you faithgirl46! :type:
     
  20. Clean1

    Clean1 New Member

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    I hope that I'm not barging in here, but forgive me if I am. I took a purity pledge when I was 14 (now 15) with 3 other teens in my church and I haven't regretted it. I'm very modest when it comes to clothing and certain TV shows that show unappropriate content. When I had to get a physical for Youth Camp last year the nurse asked me to put on one of those gown thingys so that the doc could check to see if my back was growing straight. Needless to say I started crying. Although I'm not faced day-to-day with other people asking me if I've ever had sex or kissed a boy since I don't go to public school anymore, but it is still challenging to not think about those things especially with how TV commercials or TV shows for that matter, are anymore. It isn't a problem for me to NOT think about those things because God helps me not to think about them. I am happy to say (I'm not trying to brag) that I have never had a boyfriend, held hands, hugged, or kissed a boy before. Keeping physically pure isn't as hard as everyone says it is (for me at least). The problem for teens today, in my opinion, is that they can't keep their minds pure; they let them wander into those types of thoughts which then gets them into trouble. Being physically pure is just as important as being mentally pure.
     
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