Terms of Endearment

Discussion in '2003 Archive' started by Gina B, Jul 9, 2003.

  1. Gina B

    Gina B
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    Is it ok to use terms of endearment with people other than your family? I've noticed that men especially tend to do this to females in church.
    "Let me get that for you dear"
    "You have a question sweethheart?"
    "Honey, will you take over the nursery for my wife tonight?"

    How would the men feel if us women did likewise and called you these names?
    Do you think it's ok for people to use these names for each other, or is it ok if it's a man talking to a woman but not the other way around?
    Just curious! :cool:
    Gina
     
  2. gb93433

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    I am a man and where I live I don't know of any pastor that uses those kinds of comments. It is considered rude and inappropriate. Very few Christian men talk with their wives like that in public. I have never addressed my wife that way publically or privately. I call a an elderly lady by Mrs. (last name) and a younger woman by her first name. In the churches here most of the people are on a first name basis.

    So I would say that depends on the area of the US if that is appropriate or not.
     
  3. I Am Blessed 24

    I Am Blessed 24
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    I agree. At our church, it's Mr., Mrs. Miss, Brother or Sister. Our close friends we call by their first names.

    We have a 'hand shaking' time in our church. The men may hug each other and the women may hug each other; but it would be unseemly for opposite sexes to hug unless it is our family.

    Sorry, I am getting off the subject. I am done now! :D

    Blessings,
    Sue
     
  4. Mike McK

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    No, Sugar, I don't think it's wrong.

    I know many women who do this.
     
  5. dianetavegia

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    Uh Oh! I'm guilty! I'll say to the older men in church... 'Good morning handsome!' and they just beam. I also call the children I don't know by name Sweetie. The ones I do know by name, I'll sometimes call Babycakes or someother term of endearment.

    Everybody hugs at our church. Men hug women, men hug men, women hug women... but only those you are close to. My dear friend (27 yr old) Jennie always kisses me on the cheek too and we always tell each other 'I love you'.

    Diane
     
  6. hsmom3

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    In my humble opinion, I think that men need to be very careful about terms of endearment to women who are not their wives. There are a lot of women who are not getting that kind of attention from their husbands and it makes them dwell on the guy who said it. It is a real battle in their heart when they are not married to a great guy. :( I cannot speak for all women, but I speak from experience.

    I think it is ok to speak to children like that though. [​IMG] I would never call another man handsome, for the same reasons listed above.

    hsmom3 [​IMG]
     
  7. Gina B

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    Yeah, it's pretty common in our area and nobody minds. LOL
    I just figured there's gotta be some people out there who find it as wicked as flys on women's clothes. [​IMG]
    It's funny how "biblical standards" change even from state to state.
    Gina
     
  8. Thankful

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    We have a "hugging" ;) church. Men hug women. Women hug men. Women hug women. Haven't seen any men hugging each other. Boys hug girls. Girls hug boys.

    Since I am not usually a "hugger", (Actually I don't even like to shake hands) I was rather taken back when our pastor hugged me one evening after the church service. There was nothing wrong with it. Other people were present, even his wife, but after being in the workplace where this just wasn't done, I was surprised.

    AS to terms of endearment, I feel that sometimes dear, and honey, etc, can be condescending to a woman. Men may say "Now dear Betty", but would never say "now dear Ed" Usually, men say this when disagreeing with a woman.

    I think when using the terms, honey, sweetheart, dear, etc., it depends on the circumstances as to whether it is correct.

    My college English Professor (a man) was extremely formal and when he wrote notes to me, he would say "My dear Betty" which in his day was a formal greeting.

    We were taught in the workplace that if something offends someone don't do it. So if someone says they are offended or act as if they are offended, then it would not be appropriate to use "terms of endearment".

    Just my opinions based on my experiences and feelings.
     
  9. Thankful

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    Another example:

    There is a very sweet teenage girl in our church who for several years now attends the Senior ADult Sunday School Assembly to give each person a hug. I don't care for it. To me it is a forced hug, but I am the only one in the entire group that feels this way. The others love it and always give her a Christmas present and other presents during the year. She is showing that she cares for these people. But I always feel awkward about hugging her.
     
  10. Headcoveredlady

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  11. Karen

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  12. dianetavegia

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    Well said Karen. Our men hug and back slap each other and we all give sweet hugs. Certainly nothing sexual about the way it's done!

    HCL, the verse you quoted is not about a casual touch or a Christian hug but about sexual touching!

     
  13. Headcoveredlady

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    I believe it literally means it is not good for a man to touch a woman. I do not touch men who are not my husband and I expect the same type of respect.
     
  14. BrianT

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    Rom 16:16 Salute one another with an holy kiss. The churches of Christ salute you.

    1Cr 16:20 All the brethren greet you. Greet ye one another with an holy kiss.

    2Cr 13:12 Greet one another with an holy kiss.

    1Th 5:26 Greet all the brethren with an holy kiss.

    [​IMG]
     
  15. Headcoveredlady

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    Yes, we are to greet one another this way, but that does not invalidate 1 Cor 7. Women kiss women and men kiss men.
     
  16. BrianT

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    But I thought you were against men kissing men. [​IMG] ;)
     
  17. dianetavegia

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    HCL said:
    All the great Biblical Scholars disagree with you on this one.

     
  18. Headcoveredlady

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    I am, in the way that you support it. Not against the Biblical way.
     
  19. Headcoveredlady

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    Diane,
    Thank you for that list. It is very interesting. But, I will continue to not touch men who are not my husband and hope that my husband will continue the same.
     
  20. dianetavegia

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