Thank you notes

Discussion in 'All Other Discussions' started by Salty, Aug 31, 2011.

  1. Salty

    Salty
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    I just read an interesting letter in Dear Abby the other day.

    A person was invited to a Baby shower. There were asked not only to bring a gift, but also a self addressed envelope - for the thank you card to be sent.

    What would you reaction be?

    and talking bout thank you notes, do you consider an email to be an acceptable substitute for a hand written card?

    Do you require your children to send thank you notes for Christmas, birthday, ect gifts?

    Other thoughts....

    Salty
     
  2. annsni

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    Our custom at our church/in my group of friends is for the people throwing the shower (bridal, baby or even a birthday party) is to have thank you notes already purchased and then they put the envelopes on the table as soon as you come in the door. Everyone writes their own address on the envelope and the envelopes are then put into a basket. These are used throughout the party to draw for various small gifts. Usually they will be something that will go with the theme of the party and could be something like a small pretty wrapped hand lotion, a notebook, a pretty frame or a candle. I think it's a great idea because it really does help the person to get the thank you's done without having to hunt down addresses.
     
  3. Gina B

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    Unless the person is dirt poor, there's no reason they can't pay for their own envelope and postage for a thank you card.

    That's just insulting to go spend your time, money and effort to purchase a nice gift and then be asked to pay for the recipient's chosen method of saying thank you.

    Cheap, tacky and rude. That's all that is. Makes me mad to just hear!

    As far as how the thanks is done, I personally don't care. Nobody should be insulted if a person chooses to use email. It's does the same thing as a card and saves paper and stamps. That's logical. I don't even care if I don't get a written thanks, though I would be annoyed if they didn't bother saying it at the time you gave them a gift. (and actually prefer just a quick verbal thanks)

    I've dealt with one too many people who think the world should fall at their feet in gratitude for every little thing. A gift is a gift and ceases being a gift the moment you feel entitled to something in return for it.
     
  4. Arbo

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    I've nothing to add. Gina B said it all.:thumbs:
     
  5. DiamondLady

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    As Julie Andrews says in The Princess Diaries, "manners matter." While I can understand the hostess providing the blank envelopes for guests to fill in their addresses, to ask a guest to provide the envelope and postage is rude.

    Thank you notes are becoming a thing of the past, unfortunately. We have done a poor job teaching the younger generation good etiquette and manners.
     
  6. Salty

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    My first thought is how was the person invited - didn't she receive an invitation?

    I would feel slighted at receiving a "thank-you" by any means other than snail mail. If I take the time to pick out an appropriate gift, than the recipient should be more than gracious to take a few moments to respond appropriately.

    After our honeymoon, my wife and I sat down and wrote out in longhand personalized thank you notes. In fact it was rather enjoyable to do so.

    And yes, we should ensure our children learn that "manners matter." (thank you Diamond Lady).


    Email, texting, ect are great strides, but sometimes we just need to sit down and give the most important gift - time!

    Salty
     
  7. Jim1999

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    It would be amazing if they don't "text message" a thank you on the idiot phone....

    Cheers,

    Jim
     
  8. Gina B

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    Ahhh, text messages. Like 'em, love 'em, gotta have 'em! :love2:
     
  9. abcgrad94

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    Asking a baby shower guest to provide a self-addressed, stamped envelope is just plain tacky and rude. Getting the addresses is one thing if the shower host provides the envelopes, but do NOT expect the guest to provide the stamp! Good grief! The first baby shower we did at our current church, the mom-to-be had thank you notes that simply said "thanks for the baby shower gift" and her signature. She brought these to the shower, already signed, and just passed them out afterward, without bothering to take the time to acknowledge which gift even came from what person. I thought it extremely rude.

    Here's my rule of thumb. If I'm doing an on-line swap or gift exchange where we only "talk" via internet, then I'll send a PM or email thanking the person. If it's a face-to-face event, like a graduation, shower, birth, baptism, etc. I send a thank you "snail mail" and also do my best to thank them in person and/or on the phone, even if the person sent a gift but didn't attend.

    I was taught to ALWAYS say thank you, even if someone just gave me a glass of water. This business of young people getting $$ for graduation and never even saying thanks really irritates me. It is even more rude not to say thanks for a wedding present. The worst is when they still expect a baby shower gift after never even acknowledging the graduation and wedding gifts!
     
  10. DiamondLady

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    It seems that money is expected these days and no, they do not say thank you. Weddings are the worst. They don't WANT gifts, they want money, and expect it. They use it to pay for that fancy wedding they just had, the reception at which you just ate dinner. I can recall, a while back, a lady I was babysitting for (that tells you how long ago it was!!! LOL) was standing signing the card and trying to determine how much their dinner was going to be so she could put that much in the card. Today I wonder when did a wedding stop being about getting married and start being about how ostentatious you can be and how big a party you can throw. ....but that's another subject.

    Thank you notes, hand-written, should be mailed no later than 30 days after receipt of the gift. It should include the giver's name, the gift given, and a short note of appreciation. If money was given it should include what plans the receipient has for the money, i.e. Thank you for the $20, we plan on using all the money we received to furnish the baby's new room. I do not think a text message or email is appropriate for a thank you for an event one attends. Only for something that originated online.

    Alas, I fear, the way of hand-written anything is almost a thing of the past. :tear:
     
  11. Salty

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    DL, I think you nailed the purpose of the OP right on and sadly your last paragraph is coming to past.
     
    #11 Salty, Sep 1, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 1, 2011
  12. SaggyWoman

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    That is a great idea, annsni!!
     
  13. SaggyWoman

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    I always try to write and mail thank you notes. If I can't, I certainly try to do an email or facebook thing.
     
  14. following-Him

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    Asking and expecting people to provide stamps for thank you notes is just plain rude and very bad planning and management.

    I love sending and receiving thank you notes. I love receiving hand made thank you notes from children (and adults). I have sometimes encouraged the grandchildren to write their thank you notes on a picture post card as they live many miles away from the rest of the family and I think the great grandparents like to see something of the area they live in. As for me, I keep a stock of pretty cards to use as thank you notes, but there again, I love snail mail :laugh: :wavey:
     
  15. mcdirector

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    Would NOT be happy here if asked to bring my own thank you note. Would you like for me to write it too? ;)

    I do try to do notes by hand, but if I correspond a lot with someone via email, then there are some very nice email cards that take time to locate and choose also.

    The only time I'm really concerned about getting a thanks is when I sent a gift and don't know for sure if the person received it. Got a couple out that way right now and I'm having to bite my tongue to keep from asking after them.

    Love the idea of the shower hostess providing envelopes for the addresses . . ..
     
  16. preacher4truth

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    Kind of different, but according to annsni this doesn't sound unusual.


    Also, I didn't see where the person was required to provide postage, just an addressed envelope according to the OP. I think others assumed this before their rant! :laugh:
     
  17. following-Him

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    Sorry for the confusion, I misread the OP. To me providing an addressed envelope would also include a stamp. Ooops!

    Still doesn't seem right tho'.
     
  18. dcorbett

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    I made my children send thank yous to their friends, their grandparents, anybody that gave them a gift. I can only hope they learned!

    Recently, one of our church girls a) got married, and then b) had a baby, all win about 13 months time.

    I bought gifts both times and never got a thank you for either one.
    Our Sunday school class pooled together and got a portable crib/hanging table/car seat. The class got a thank you card, so I know she did them...
    I am disappointed that she didn't think enough of me to send one.
     
  19. blackbird

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    My wife-------------she'll sit down and write a thank you note---thanking the person for sending her a thank you note!!!

    Dear __________________

    Thank you so much for your thank you note!!

    Sincerely,

    Blackbird's wife

    :laugh::laugh:

    PS---she is not computer savvy-----everytime she sits down in front of the computer screen to write an email or something along those lines---the computer will automatically go into some sort of cardiac arrest!!!!!!!!!!
     
  20. mcdirector

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    Poor Mrs. Blackbird . . .
     

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