That last name...

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Salty, Dec 28, 2010.

  1. Salty

    Salty
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    Pastors - would you preform a wedding ceremony for a couple if the wife refused to take the husbands last name?

    If you are not a pastor - just pretend for this thread that you are....
     
  2. Baptist Believer

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    All other things being equal, yes.
     
  3. mcdirector

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    Yes, unless she said her reason was that when they got divorced this would make her life easier . . .
     
  4. annsni

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    It would totally depend on the reasoning. If she were a doctor, then yes. If it's some issue with not being subservient to a man or some such, I think we'd need to do some more counseling.
     
  5. abcgrad94

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    I would tend to agree.
     
  6. Luke2427

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    Ditto.......
     
  7. Dr. Bob

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    Not an issue at all. Surprised that a couple's personal preference would be of remotest interest to any.

    If they didn't agree (whichever way they desired) before the ceremony this would indicate other issues.
     
  8. Tom Butler

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    The question sorta reminds me of two men who were talking.

    "Which do you think is society's biggest problem--ignorance or apathy?"

    "I don't know and I don't care."
     
  9. Scarlett O.

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    It's a man-made tradition. As long as both he and she were in agreement, what other people think doesn't matter.

    There are lots of reasons why a woman would adore to take her husband's name and lots of reasons why she would choose to keep her own and that have no bearing on her being his help and relief and love of his life.
     
  10. annsni

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    Other than say a professional situation (like being a doctor), what would be her reasons for not taking his name? Do they not become one flesh?

    Interestingly enough, a friend of mine is a retired doctor. She retired for health reasons and she's in her 50s. She was Dr. Thomas all through these years but once she retired, she was Mrs. Claytor. She WANTED to take her husband's name but she couldn't because of her license or something like that. But as soon as she could, she took his name.
     
  11. Benjamin

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    I think if the two are becoming one they should be sporting the same family name...probably why man made this tradition.

    Honestly, it's hard to think about "my" daughter changing her name some day, but I would respect the decision to do so.

    I can't think of any ligitimate reasoning for the woman not to change the name that I wouldn't suspect as being linked as some sort of rebellion. Maybe someone else can?



    BTW, what am I missing here about supporting it if is she is a doctor?

    Edit: Ohh, the license...well seems like that could be legally worked out I would think.
     
    #11 Benjamin, Dec 28, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 28, 2010
  12. annsni

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    Yeah, that's what I'm thinking that too.



    I don't think there is but I could be wrong. Most doctors that I know keep the name they had when they got their license. So if they were married, they have Dr. Marriedname and if they were single, they have Dr. Singlename.
     
  13. Scarlett O.

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    We are creatures of tradition aren't we. :flower: Nothing wrong with that. To each his or her own and to each couple their own.

    Let me give you an example. My real name is Kim. What if I fell in love with an Asian man named Peter Kim? If I changed my name, it would be Kim Kim. :laugh: I would just prefer not to do that. It would have NOTHING to do with rebellion against tradition or bad feelings about him. I'm don't want to called Kim Kim. I think there are a lot of scenarios where a man's name attached to his wife's name wouldn't be .... well .... suitable. You know the old joke, "Why couldn't the country western singer Kitty Wells marry Conway Twitty? Her name would be Kitty Twitty!" No one wants their name to be a joke. Not even their married name.

    What if she has established a professional name for herself? Why can't she keep it without being accused of being rebellious?

    And finally, what if she just really really loves her family name and finds that it suits her better. What about that makes her rebellious against her new husband?

    If he is fine with it, I don't see the problem. If it hurts his feelings and she doesn't really care about his feelings, then they have bigger problems than just names and shouldn't be getting married without some further and intense counseling.

    I just don't see where being non-traditional automatically makes one rebellious against their husband. But, that's just me.
     
    #13 Scarlett O., Dec 28, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2010
  14. annsni

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    Well, the case of unusual names is very rare. VERY rare.

    As for the professional, that's kind of what I was discussing. A doctor or another high professional probably would have a hard time with their name changing but in many professions, I HAVE known women to change their name and after the first few months, it was a non-issue.

    As for the idea of a name "suiting" someone better, I don't get that. A name is a name and I don't see how names "suit" anyone. What's the big deal in telling your husband that yes, you will become one flesh and take his name to reflect that? I have to say that for the children, different names for their parents gets confusing although with divorce so prevalent, it's more common to the teachers and such but it certainly gives a connotation of a second marriage to the children's teachers and such.
     
  15. preacher4truth

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    My wife is a Doctor and changed her last name.

    Plus she bought me an Allan. :love2:

    Must be true love!

    :thumbs:
     
  16. annsni

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    Yeah, I looked it up and doctors CAN change their name for their license. Didn't know that!
     
  17. Scarlett O.

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    I think that a woman taking her husband's name is a wonderful and noble and sacrificial thing. It's a good thing - IF that makes her just as happy as it makes him. I don't see anything wrong with it.

    I used to think, like you, that a "name is a name". I used to scribble my first connected to the last names of boys all over my notebooks in high school and in college my girl friends and I would practice calling each other "Mrs. Ralph Anderson" and such. Our names didn't matter very much to us because we knew that tradition said that we didn't keep them - so we were quick to try on new ones - even with boys we didn't like. It was like trying on new clothes. We had fun name "shopping".

    However, I have had my name now for 49 years. It means something to me now that didn't when I was a girl. It "suits" me. I can't explain that. Yes, I would give it up if the man I were to marry said that he wanted me to. I wouldn't hesitate.

    But I would hope that he would at least ask me how I felt about giving that part of myself up at this late date. And yes, my name is a part of who I am at 49 years of age. I would hope that we could at least talk about it without his losing any confidence in himself.
     
  18. annsni

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    Oh - What's an Allan? :smilewinkgrin:
     
  19. annsni

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    See, I don't see my name as that "vital" to my identity. Other than the fact that it identifies me as my husband's wife and my children's mother, it's not actually "who" I am. I guess I just see it differently (plus the fact that I had my maiden name for 20 years and my married name now for 25 - LOL).
     
  20. preacher4truth

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    uh...East Coast Hillbillies call 'em Allens?

    LOL!!!!


    :laugh:
     

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