The benefits of having a career outside of the home

Discussion in '2000-02 Archive' started by Joy, Jul 29, 2001.

  1. Joy

    Joy
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    Here it is, a chance for those who desire to work outside of the home while mothering, to give the benefits of having a career. Those on both sides of the issue may answer.

    Who will be first?
     
  2. Gina B

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    Oh Joy, what have you done? :eek:
    I, for one, will stand back and watch the fur fly.
    Gina
     
  3. Kathy

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    My mouth = *zipped* LoL

    Kathy
    <><
     
  4. KeeperOfMyHome

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    I can't really say that I can see any benefits. The only time I have worked outside the home was before my children were born. I was so tired when I got home in the afternoons that I didn't feel likek cooking very often. And when I did, I didn't feel like cleaning up the mess. So, my kitchen stayed a mess all the time! I just did not have the energy to keep up with a full time job, and the full time responsibility of keeping up with the things that needed to be done around the house. In all honesty, I cannot imagine working and having children as well. I shudder to think how stressed I would be then.

    I'm not saying being a homemaker and mother isn't ever stressful, trust me! We have our "days", and then we have wonderful days! But the stress of working and having children would be overwhelming for me. I think I would feel the worst about leaving them every day, and then not really having much time with them in the evenings.

    I love my home so much! I truly am one of those home bodies. [​IMG]
     
  5. SaggyWoman

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    Benefits:

    Here we go:

    1) Children raised with out knowing any of their milestones.

    2.) Children stressed because they see their teachers or day care workers more than their parents.

    3.) Parents who are more concerned on their impact on the world but don't realize that their first impact and most important impact is on their children.
     
  6. Joy

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    More money to live on.
     
  7. KeeperOfMyHome

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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joy2:
    More money to live on.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Actually, if you visit www.miserlymoms.com, you will learn that the average working woman only brings home a small portion of her earnings. When you consider the money spent of daycare, work clothes, lunch, gas, car, etc., it just doesn't pay to work. In fact, it is almost as though you are paying someone to let you work. [​IMG] I realize that not all jobs are this way . . . some women actually do bring home a really fantastic salary. But for the majority of women, this isn't true.
     
  8. Joy

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    You are right, Julia. When you add up any benefits of having a career over keeping your home, it all comes down to money every time. It is a myth that you will have more, though, unless you command huge a huge salary. That makes husbands feel realy good, when you make more than them. :rolleyes:

    You can live on one salary, one very small salary. You may have to be more patient when it comes to accumulating material goods, but it can be done. If you learn to live debt-free and "penny-pinch", it can be done at any salary the man can bring in.

    There is nothing wrong with a man working hard, and working overtime to support his family. No, he shouldn't neglect time with them either, but the tradtional American 8 hour day is a modern luxury. Men in most countries and farmers and other workers here in America still work from sun-up to sundown.

    Moms can adjust their schedule and their children's schedules to be able to spend time with dad if necessary.
     
  9. hollyberry710

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    Being a mom who also has a career is not the right path for everyone. There are many variables to consider. When my daughter was very young, she came to work with me. I had a large classroom and office suite where I taught GED classes to teenagers in drug rehab. My boss, a Christian man, approached me with this arrangement so he could keep me on the job. This arrangement is very rare, but it worked out well for our family.

    My husband and I decided to only have one child. The number of children in a family certainly should influence the decisions made. She is very smart, and asked to go to "school" so she could learn more and be around other children. I had taught her to read at home, and she was anxious to learn more. We enrolled her part-time in a small, accredited pre-school program which she loved! She learned so much, she skipped Kindergarten and was placed in 1st grade when she started school. Again, this worked out for everyone, including her. There were never any tearful good-byes when I dropped her off, only excitement and joy.

    Here is my Top Ten list of the benefits of having a career outside the home:

    1) I an example of a conservative, Christian woman in the business world and serve as a witness to Christ;

    2) I use my God given gifts and talents;

    3) I am more energized. I love my work and the day flies by. Being involved in exciting, meaningful work gives me energy.

    4) I have a more organized home. I only shop once every two weeks. I plan all meals and stock the pantry and freezer.

    5) We have very lively dinner discussions. We always sit down to a home-cooked dinner where we talk about our day, and make plans.

    6) I have a happier, less stressed husband. I think it is unfair for him to carry the entire financial burden on his shoulders. Our living expenses are based on one salary;

    7) We have the financial resources to help others. A friend lost his job a few years ago and we were able to give him a significant amount of money. We do not want this money back; we ask that he help someone else out;

    8) Our tithe is larger. In addition, we give to Christian charities and help support a young Baptist church in Romania;

    9) My daughter is proud of me. She is learning to be assertive in the world about her faith, her morals, and is not afraid to speak up for herself.

    10) We will soon enjoy debt-free living. We live well beneath our means. We will be paying off our 30-year mortgage in 10 years. We drive older, low mileage cars that are paid for. We do not carry credit card debt. I buy a lot of my work clothes at thrift stores. We will be able to put her through college without taking out loans.

    11) Housework is not considered "mom's job". Our whole family works to keep our home clean, orderly, and peaceful.

    Oops, that's eleven!

    This doesn't work for everybody. Some of my friends have chosen to stay home, some choose to have careers. Having a career does not automatically mean that you will be a horrible mother; staying at home does not automatically mean that you will be a great mother. Every family needs to pray about their individual situation.
     
  10. KeeperOfMyHome

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    hollyberry710 said:

    2) I use my God given gifts and talents;

    Are you only able to use your God-given gifts and talents outside the home? Doesn't God equip a woman to use those within the home and church? He gave us a command to be keepers at home . . . I do not think we are "wasting" these gifts and talents by obeying His command. He would not gift you, and then expect you to go into the world to use it when this would cause you to disobey His word.

    hollyberry710 said: 3) I am more energized. I love my work and the day flies by. Being involved in exciting, meaningful work gives me energy.

    I am taking this to mean that being in the home daily with the children and the housework is not exciting or meaningful??

    hollyberry710 said: 5) We have very lively dinner discussions. We always sit down to a home-cooked dinner where we talk about our day, and make plans.

    Are women who work the only ones who can enjoy such activities with their families? Can a family only have lively dinner conversations when the mom works outside the home?

    hollyberry710 said: 6) I have a happier, less stressed husband. I think it is unfair for him to carry the entire financial burden on his shoulders. Our living expenses are based on one salary;

    My husband is on salary, as I'm sure many men are in their jobs. So, unless a man has to work many extra hours at an hourly job, I don't see that this should make a difference.

    hollyberry710 said: 9) My daughter is proud of me. She is learning to be assertive in the world about her faith, her morals, and is not afraid to speak up for herself.

    Are we to assume that only working mothers are to be looked up to? that a stay-at-home mom is "nothing" compared to a woman who has a career? that my three daughters cannot learn to be assertive unless I work outside my home? Can only a woman who works a job teach her daughters to speak up for themselves? These are not qualites which can only be learned or taught by the working mother. Trust me [​IMG] . . . I know very well how to speak up and assert myself.

    hollyberry710 said: 11) Housework is not considered "mom's job". Our whole family works to keep our home clean, orderly, and peaceful.

    Ditto for this stay-at-home mother. My children can sort, wash, dry, fold and put away laundry. They iron their own clothing for Church most every Sunday (even the 6 year old). They can clean a bathroom (as they do most every week), sweep and mop the kitchen, vacuum the carpet, and dust the whole house. If it wasn't for the children pitching in, this house wouldn't stay as orderly as it does.

    Holly, I just seem to get the idea from your posts that you think a woman is "nothing" and contributes "nothing" to the family if she isn't a working woman. You seem to think of us as weak, idle creatures that our daughters cannot look up to.

    On the contrary, my dear . . . on the contrary. [​IMG]

    The Proverbs 31 woman was called "blessed" by her children and praised by her husband.

    [ July 31, 2001: Message edited by: KeeperOfMyHome ]
     
  11. Lorelei

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    Hollyberry did what this thread asked her to do. List what she thinks are benefits to having a career outside the home. Let's not start attacking her for holding her opinion (which has been hashed already in another forum).

    I see it this way. Hollyberry posted the "benefits" to working outside the home in the thread that asked her to do so. She did NOT post the "negative" reasons of staying home to raise a family in a thread that asked her to post the "benefits" of doing so.

    There seem to be many that find reasons that one should NOT work outside the home, and yet in the other thread only one person has listed some benefits to being a stay at home mom.

    If someone were going to analayze the results by the number of responses, it would read:
    Benefits of having a career outside the home - 10
    Benefits of staying at home and raising your family - 1


    Let's be careful in "how" we make our point be known.

    ~Lorelei
     
  12. hollyberry710

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    Thank you, Lorelei, for your post. You stated what I thought were the intentions of this thread.

    I never stated that women who stay at home don't also experience some of the benefits that I experience from having a career. I can appreciate anyone's opinion, but it saddens me when people misread what others write in order to attack the writer or further their own point of view.

    Here are my Top Ten un-benefits to having a career:

    1) Every day is like final exam day...results are the only thing that counts.

    2) I don't get to attend our church's Wednesday morning Bible Study.

    3) I don't get to cook as much as I would like. Thank heavens for boneless chicken and crockpots!

    4) I don't get to chaperone as many of my daughter's school field trips as I would like.

    5) I don't have as large a garden as I would like.

    6) I don't sew much at all. I used to sew a lot! There are quilting groups in my community and I can't be a part of them, either.

    7) I don't read as much as I would like.

    8) I would finish the stenciling project in the kitchen much sooner, and I would already be done re-painting the downstairs bathroom. Other home projects would be completed sooner!

    9) I would learn new piano music. I've played for 35 years, but haven't learned anything new in the last 12!

    10) It would be easier to post on this board :D
     
  13. Joy

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    hollyberry, I am really glad you are here! I am not trying to pick on you personally. I am interested in trying to understand why women leave their homes. I just can't seem to find anyone with a true benefits that outway staying home. And since I believe it is a Biblical command, one that Christian ladies are to teach one another according to Titus, that is what I do. That is why some of us are so adament about it.

    I am trying to be very careful about hurting feelings, though. I must teach what I know to be right, but I promise to try to be gentle and just give the facts. ;)
     
  14. iowagirl

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    I've been a SAHM for 24 years, a widow for 4. I have managed to survive a 50% income cut, survive on social security and other survivors' benefits plans that my husband had in place, home school the children still at home and stay in my house. Two vehicles have 100,000 plus miles. My college age children live at home and commute 25 miles each way, each day, over a narrow, twisty, 2 lane highway. I am BLESSED to still have military health insurance, a rarity for widows to maintain health coverage for themselves and children. I do not have enough income to pay for health coverage if it had worked out otherwise. I know the benefits of staying home. The things I now do not have are an income independent of the kids (social security benefits and survivors' benefits depend on my having children under age 16 or 18 at home). I must enter the workforce in 2 years, at age 50, with no experience and a 27 year old teaching certificate. I have no retirement benefits. I do have life insurance from dh invested, but I hesitate to spend principal because of my precarious financial situation. There can be benefits to working, at least financially, but I would not change my staying home--I just would have saved more, had more life insurance, and kept up my teaching credentials by taking classes regularly and maybe substituting several times a month. We did not plan well enough to allow for my not working, homeschooling all the kids, and helping all the kids through college without dad's income.
     
  15. SaggyWoman

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    The one thing I will say about being a working mother as opposed to a sahm is that some mothers (and I know all mothers do) get so unwired at their children that they are troubled dealing with them, or they "aren't cut out", which many use as an excuse.

    Sometimes, I would rather children be cared for by people who care than people who hurt, if you get my gist.
     
  16. Gina B

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    Can't keep quiet. I resent the whole issue. I HATE that it even has to be an issue. I resent everyone who judges a group of people as a whole without acknowledging that there may be underlying reasons for how they live their lives. I bet you anything that every woman who so loudly proclaims that women should stay at home would back off real fast if they a few young widows in their church with kids. Would you support them? Or would you make them go to work? Or would you make them do things in the church for their support? Would you let them stay at home with their kids like you think they should? What about a woman whose husband has left her? Don't use the excuse that that's not who you're talking about,because that's the majority today. I have never seen a church support a widow for more than a few weeks, but isn't it biblical?
    Ugh. I'm so tired of trying to be a Christian wading through all this garbage. It's hard enough to just live.
     
  17. KeeperOfMyHome

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    Gina ~ You must be having one of those really *bad* days. :( I know you are in a tight spot right now, and I will pray for you.

    Let me just say this . . . there are guidelines in God's word as to who is to take care of a widow . . . or, in reality, who **qualifies** as a widow. A true widow has no family to care for her, and at that point the church is to take over her care.

    And if you really want to get right down to it, the young widows are instructed of God to remarry.

    You can read all about the care (and qualifications?) of widows in 1 Timothery, chp. 5.

    However, I admit, as I think we've had this discussion before, that the church has dropped the ball on this.

    As far as women in your situation . . . I honestly do not know what to say. It's unfortunate that you are where you are. And as much as I believe that the Bible teaches women to be keepers at home, I do believe that He can be understanding if you find the need to get a job. But I want to encourage you because I have a friend who has been divorceds since her children were very small. She has never worked outside her home, and in fact she homeschooled them during all of their school years. Every year God provided all of their homeschooling needs. It can be done.

    As far as why this has to be an issue? There are many women today who could stay home, but choose a career over obeying God's word. It's not about being in a situation . . . I can sympathize with a woman who must truly seek employment if she is the sole support of her family.
     
  18. Gina B

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    Commanded to remarry? Please tell me where that is found. The very idea is repulsive. Yes, I suppose this is an icky day and I'll probably feel like and idiot tomorrow but right now I feel like telling the truth. It's great and wonderful that G-d provides for single mom's. I'm obviously not fitting into that category. I'm sure there's a reason for it, and I do have faith that it's a good one, as that does fall into the way
    the L-rd works in my life, but until I find out why I will feel the need to vomit every time someone looks down their holier than thou nose at me because I do what I have to. It seems that every single Christian person I know that has been divorced that I have turned to for advice has done this, saying "well G-d has provided for me. I have faith in Him." I'm to the point I don't even want to associate with any of them, and the rest are still happily married, and here I am.
    Perhaps this subject would be better titled under General Discussion as "How families are affected by men who do or do not fulfill their Biblical duties."
     
  19. KeeperOfMyHome

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    Ok, so commanded is a bit strong. [​IMG] But when a woman is widowed at a young age, the Bible teaches it is for the best for them to remarry:

    (1 Tim 5:11 - 14 KJV) But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry; Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith. And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

    Sorry if it is repulsive to you. :( I didn't write it.

    Now, to get to the truth of the matter: I sense anger and bitterness from you today, and I'm sorry for this. I'm sorry for whoever made you feel this way today . . . or is it that you feel like having a pity-party? [​IMG] Some days are like that even for us folks whose lives seem to have little troubles. Those are the days when we have to draw closer and closer still to the Lord.
     
  20. Gina B

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    Pity party? No thanks. I'll take spontaneous human combustion though.
    Will you please do the world a favor and e-mail me approximately every 24 days and remind me to stay away from human correspondance for that 24 hours? :confused:
    I'm going to either go cry or scream now.
    Gina
     

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