The Economy Is So Bad That

Discussion in 'Clean Humor' started by John of Japan, Jul 5, 2010.

  1. John of Japan

    John of Japan
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    Not original with me, but funny--

    The economy is so bad that:

    I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

    I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”

    CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

    If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

    Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

    McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

    Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

    A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

    Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

    Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore.

    The Mafia is laying off judges.

    Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

    Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

    And, finally…
    I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
     
    #1 John of Japan, Jul 5, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 5, 2010
  2. saturneptune

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    The economy is so bad Hugh Hefner hired Janet Reno as next month's centerfold.

    The economy is so bad Al Gore really did have to ride a bicycle.

    The economy is so bad there are no more church pot lucks and most preachers are under 200 lbs.
     
  3. Alcott

    Alcott
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    ... that they're selling a new snack food-- the Frito-Lay-off.
    ... that Jenny Craig is devising a system of getting the most Calories out of the least amount of food.
    ... that the Pieman asks Simple Simon to taste what he wears.
    ... that Little Red Riding Hood and Grandma fight over who gets the wolf's drumsticks.
    ... that the 3 Bears told Goldilocks she was welcome to everything except their porridge.
    ... that the Baptist church dinner featured not 15 kinds of pie, but 15 kinds of wild greens.
    ... that there is an Oil Rush in the Gulf of Mexico.
    ... that Silver and Scout suddenly became leary of the thinning cheeks of the Lone Ranger and Tonto.
    ... that "hot dogs" suddenly became much bigger.
    ... that Popeye told Wimpy he would gladly pay him Tuesday for a thimble of spinach today.
    ... that Yogi Bear no longer seeks pic-a-nic baskets because he is afraid it is a trap to put him in one.
     
  4. John of Japan

    John of Japan
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    "Laugh out loud funny," folks. Keep it coming!

    Here in Japan, the economy is so bad that:

    Sumo wrestlers are dieting.
    The Tokyo government actually laid off a bureaucrat!
    Missionaries are telling people the internet addresses of their tracts.
    The yakuza (mafia) are shaking down kids for their lunch money.
    Japanese cars are using American parts.
     
  5. rbell

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    ...so bad that the penalty for panhandling has been changed. It's now, "You must share with everyone in the courtroom."
     
  6. rbell

    rbell
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    ...so bad that at my basketball game, I hit a shot, gave my teammate a high-5, and received only 2.5 back from him.
     
  7. John of Japan

    John of Japan
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    Laughed out loud! :laugh:
     
  8. Salty

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    My boss has put two holes in the drivers side floorboard and named that taxi the Flintstonemobile
     
  9. John of Japan

    John of Japan
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    Nissan will build it.... :laugh:
     
  10. rbell

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    the economy's so bad...

    I saw a Democrat going down the road with his hand in his OWN pockets.
     
  11. Alcott

    Alcott
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    ...that even George Steinbrenner can't make a living any more.
     
  12. John of Japan

    John of Japan
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    ...that churches are faxing their support to us missionaries.
     
  13. Sindy

    Sindy
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    The economy is so bad that I saw a van full of legal immigrants illegally crossing the border to Mexico.
     
  14. Earth Wind and Fire

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    The economy is so bad that when Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
     
  15. Sindy

    Sindy
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    The economy is so bad, a picture is now only worth 200 words.
     

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