The importance of sharing memories

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by TexasSky, Nov 23, 2005.

  1. TexasSky

    TexasSky
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    Another thread brought this to mind.

    When you are with your family - share your memories and let the laughter flow. You never know who may be listening.

    Before a drunk driver hit my spouse and caused massive head injuries, a careless driver hit a dearly loved cousin and caused extensive physical and mental injuries.

    The cousin's injuries were far more severe and in many ways are perhaps more cruel. My spouse lost most of his memory of his past, so he doesn't live with that "what I used to be" memory. My cousin is aware of what she lost.

    She was a beautiful, popular, vibrant, brilliant woman who moved in very sophisticated circles, and who worked for a very prominent attorney.

    She became mentally disabled and physically disabled. Unable to work. Doing things like rolling car windows up on her hand and not being able to figure out why it hurt or how to make it stop hurting. Her husband left her, her friends abandoned her.

    Her accident was caused when she was stopped at a red light in Houston, Texas a utility company's "cherry picker" behind her failed to stop and hit her, shoving her into the Houston traffic. The law firm she worked for brought a law suit on her behalf and she ended up with enough money to support herself, her threapy and her children.

    Her medications caused massive weight gain, her injuries, even with medication, caused chronic pain. Her hair turned prematurely gray.

    Her life became, for the most part, therapy, Sunday Morning Church, and existing. She had no friends. No energy and she was terrified of offending people or embarrassing her children. She had lost her faith in people too. People she had expected to love her no matter what had abandoned her. She didn't allow herself to develop emotional ties.

    I didn't get to see her for a few years because of my spouse's issues, but we kept in touch as best we could, and then I made up my mind I would see her during a trip near her I had to make. We sat and laughed and remembered the past. Her children were teenagers and kept creeping closer and closer and then finally joined us.

    When I left they followed me to the car, hugged me, and started crying, thanking me for showing them their real mother. The reaction from them stunned me, so I urged them to go with me to grab more coffee so we could talk without their mother present.

    They shared that in their life they saw and heard many, many people talk down about their mother. Their father, his new wife, their aunt, some of the parents of their friends. They loved their mother, and were proud of her because they saw her struggle to survive and the hard work it took for her to continue to care for them in her condition, but they had an image of her that was created by her phsycial state. They were never sure what they could and couldn't ask her advice about. Amy was a young woman who was beautiful and pursued by men for right and wrong reasons. She needed a woman to go to for advice, but wasn't sure how much her mother understood of those things. She told me after hearing us talk about how her mother met her father, how her father pursued her mother, how her mother dealt with a jerk who was fresh - she knew she could talk to her mother.

    They shared that they had not seen her laugh in years, had never heard anyone talk of the days when her life had been so full and somewhat exciting. They said that now she is so shy that they had not realized, until they heard us talking, how much of her brilliant mind and vibrant personality is still inside of her.

    They said that they saw, that night, the mother they "remembered in dreams" and thought they'd lost forever.

    I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't know if what we saw that night was a few flickering moments of life that would be gone in a few days or what. I told them to call me whenever they needed to, and told them I would do my best to call their mother often.

    The kids made it their personal mission to keep that part of their mother on the surface. Amy made her get her hair fixed again. They started playing board games with her, trivia from the era when she was young. They encouraged her to invite friends from church to the house. They had not brought their own friends home much before, thinking it was a strain on her. They started doing that though.

    Amy shared that she and her brother learned that her mother was not trying as hard at her therapy because she had begun to feel hopeless, and they pushed her to keep trying pointing out to her that if she could remember the past she could recreate bits of it.

    Today Amy is a married mother and Ben is a soldier who just returned to Iraq after a visit to his Mom. Amy credits her mother with keeping her from marrying the wrong man when Amy thought she was in love with a guy who it turns out just wanted the money Amy would inherit from her mother. (Yes the settlement was that large). Amy and I both credit God with showing Amy that she could go to her mother for help in such times. Their mother has a job again, and she has her own friends now. She is a Sunday School teacher and is active in the music program of her church. If you met her you would see someone a lot closer to the woman I went to college with than to the girl who rolls car windows up on her hands.

    I look back though, amazed at God.

    We were just two relatives sharing happy memories that God nudged us to share. God fixed it so Amy and Ben were listening in, they both had plans that had fallen through at the last moment. God had to have been the one to whisper in the kids' ear that their Mom was still inside and they just had to help her find herself. God gave the kids the strength to lead their mother when she needed someone to lean on and no one else saw how much she needed it.
     
  2. Circuitrider

    Circuitrider
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    Just a thought along this line...

    Believers should write out their testimony. You never know when your memory of that past event may be gone. Also it make it something to pass along to future generations.

    We have a family history written in 1905 and update in the past couple of decades. One of my distant cousins wrote his testimony of personal salvation and it is included in that book. Otherwise I would never know of my spiritual heritage.

    Write it down and put it with your will!
     
  3. angel face

    angel face
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    that is a good thing to do when family is around my husband can remember his past very detailed but i cant i can only remember the bad things that happened my mother was a alcoholic and both my parents fought all the time over money i do remember playing with my siblings like in the pool during summer we played the famous marco polo it was fun we did alot of things like that but then they moved out and it was no longer fun it was heck for the remainder of the time i lived there- i moved out at 17 because my parent lost there home and they were moving somewhere far and i didnt want to
     
  4. angel face

    angel face
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    my sisters and brother dont communicate with me any more they pretty much have there own family now
     
  5. Benjamin

    Benjamin
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    i can only remember the bad things that happened

    Some people don’t like to be reminded of the bad things; they would rather put it behind them.

    my sisters and brother dont communicate with me any more they pretty much have there own family now

    Distance and sad memories can make you grow apart, but you are family too, maybe you can start some new memories on a better note with some time spent together.

    i do remember playing with my siblings like in the pool during summer we played the famous marco polo it was fun we did alot of things like

    Maybe some uplifting memories to share?, a place to start, then suggest some kind of reunion keeping in mind some fresh new memories to build and share.
     
  6. angel face

    angel face
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    Thanks Benjamin
    thats something ive been wanting to do but my family are so bitter that having a reunion would only start something both of my parents are dead now i do have bitterness with my siblings because my mother died before she could see my kids be born she got to see the other 8 grandkids before they drove her to the ground i was the only one that really cared but it didnt matter and my father died because i left az to go live in maine with my husband my father did get to see my first 2 kids but then his health went bad when he knew i was leaving
     
  7. Benjamin

    Benjamin
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    Your welcome angel face,

    A couple of things, I see you are putting blame on your siblings in your mother’s death and on yourself for your father’s death. That is a lot of guilt and bitterness to pass on and take on. These things can be dealt with in time through prayer and God’s Word; maybe for yourself first then pass on the knowledge from the new you onto your family. I noticed from your profile that you aren’t currently going to church; you need to get your immediate family into fellowship and read your Bible regularly. There is a lot of comforting instructions for life in there that will help you to be less bitter and forgive, to be forgiven, find peace and wisdom in how to handle these things and be blessed for it.

    One of many promises from God you can put in the bank:

    (Mat 7:7) Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

    (Mat 7:8) For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

    (Mat 7:9) Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?

    (Mat 7:10) Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?

    (Mat 7:11) If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

    I will pray with you that you will find peace and someday have some new pleasant memories to look back on with your family, siblings, nieces and nephews. God Bless You
     
  8. PJ

    PJ
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    On a lighter note ...

    ... when I mention a somewhat expensive outting for our family to my husband, he says "That memory is too expensive to make." ;) He's just kidding, of course, but all of life is about making memories. Memories are worth more than a million bars of gold to the aged.
     
  9. Brother Ian

    Brother Ian
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    Excellent idea.

    My grandmother kept an extensive diary. I remember when I got saved I called and told her. She was the only Christian in my family. Years later, my step-father (an author) transcribed my grandmother's diary (of about 50 years) into five volumes. I found the entry she wrote about my phone call. It blessed her that day from what she wrote.

    This is another way to document your life.
     

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