The marriage bed

Discussion in '2003 Archive' started by christine, May 22, 2003.

  1. christine

    christine
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    This was brought up in the divorce thread and I was just wondering how others perceive this.
    Is it wrong to withold sex from a partner?
    Is there scripture supporting you view?
    Does the bible dicatate that you must have sex, reguardless of personal wants or feelings?
    We are talking about marital sex only!
    Christine
     
  2. Headcoveredlady

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    Yes, it is very wrong! It is a sin! Read 1 Corinthians 7. What do you think of those verses? I am very interested to know what you think.

    [ May 22, 2003, 11:28 AM: Message edited by: Headcoveredlady ]
     
  3. stubbornkelly

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    True, but what do we mean by "withhold?" Is saying, "honey, not tonight, I'm tired" really withholding? I'm inclined to think not. When I think of someone withholding sex, I think of an angry spouse using sex as a bargaining tool - "do such and such, and I'll have sex with you again," that sort of thing.

    A respectful partner would not demand sex from an unwilling spouse, just as a loving spouse would not unnecessarily withhold sex.
     
  4. christine

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    Headcoveredlady- I read all of chapter 7. You probably was referring to verses 3-5. In verse 6 it says:
    But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment .

    Actually, Kelly, The original topic was about divorce. It was implied that if a woman witheld sex, she was causing her husband to commit adultry.
    Also, I have heard this one preacher (on TV), each time I hear him, all he ever preaches about is sex. The few times I have heard him, he has said that women do not have the right to say no, if they are married, because the man owns their bodies.
    Christine
     
  5. Headcoveredlady

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    Christine,
    Yes, those are the verses I am referring to. Especially verse 5, "Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again, THAT SATAN TEMPT YOU NOT FOR YOUR INCONTINENCY."

    Yes, it does say in verse six that Paul gives this by permission and not commandment. But, to me when I read the above verses it gives a vivid sign in my mind that if I withhold I OPEN THE DOOR FOR SATAN TO TEMPT MY HUSBAND. Not a light matter, would you agree?

    Stubborn Kelly,
    I know that you are not married and have no children, so it may be hard to understand. But, as a wife and mother I am ALWAYS tired. The above verses do not give leeway for tiredness, they say prayer and fasting.
     
  6. Johnv

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    Is it wrong to withold sex from a partner?
    If it's for vindictive reasons, or to make a point, yes. Sex wasn't designed to be a manipulative tool. But if it's because one of the parties occaisionally is tired or not in the mood, then no.

    Is there scripture supporting you view?
    Probably not. Sexual expression in the marriage bed is given great leeway as to be left up to the spouses.

    Does the bible dicatate that you must have sex, reguardless of personal wants or feelings?
    No. Sex is a gift, not a tithe. Gifts are given, not paid.
     
  7. christine

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    Thank you johnv. I really am curious about how people feel and what they think about it in relation to the bible.
    As you might notice, I haven't posted my opinion.
    I don't want it to be come an argument, so I choose not to go one way or the other.
    Sometimes when I hear people say things, it make me start thing about it, whether it applies to me or not.
    I will say that I beieve we all are in agreement that witholding for vengence, as a tool, or for gain is wrong. This would put the person on the same level as a whore. Sex for favors or gain.

    Headcoveredlady, I feel bad for you if you can't ever say no, for fear that your husband would cheat. I believe marriage should be based on love, not sex.
    Christine
     
  8. dianetavegia

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    Scrpture recommends we not withold affection and sex from our spouses. It goes both ways... male and female! God saw fit to include this recommendation in HIS instruction book and I'll follow his recommendation!

    "Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again, THAT SATAN TEMPT YOU NOT FOR YOUR INCONTINENCY."

    I've been married 33 years this Oct. Headcoveredlady, how many years have you been married?

    Diane
     
  9. I Am Blessed 24

    I Am Blessed 24
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    There do happen to be a couple more reasons why you can and should withhold sex according to the Bible; due to the nature I will not post them here.

    Why can't we realize that we can say 'no' and still be submissive? :confused:

    If I have a headache, or some other ailment, or am just plain tired and have to worry about my husband cheating on me if I say 'no', I don't have a very good marriage.

    Blessings,
    Sue
     
  10. christine

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    Thanks Sue, That remark did bother me, I would feel alot less romatic, if I had the threat of him cheating, hanging over my head everytime I was tired or whatever. That would be use blackmale, wouldn't it? [​IMG]
    Sex is not to be used as a tool by either person. Not for favors and not as a threat either!
    It's supposed to be an expression of love, not a duty. If it were just a duty, wouldn't it all just be a lie. Going thru the motions.
    Christine
     
  11. Headcoveredlady

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    Christine,

    I will stick with the Scriptures. I am NOT afraid of my husband cheating on me, HE IS A VERY FAITHFUL MAN. I never said I was afraid that my husband would cheat on me, please do not add to my words.

    But, I know what that verse says, it says Satan
    WILL tempt WHEN WE DEFRAUD. I take that very seriously and literally.

    "Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again, THAT SATAN TEMPT YOU NOT FOR YOUR INCONTINENCY"


    Sue,
    I am interested in Bible verses that support what you have said. Can you send me a pm so I can read them.
     
  12. christine

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    Headcoveredlady, I wasn't trying to rile you or to offend you. :( I was merely pointing out that saying no should not put your marriage in danger. If you ceased to have any relations with him for extended periods of time, then maybe it would be a valid concern.
    There are time I think anyone would find it acceptable:
    After childbirth
    During late pregnancy
    physical ailments
    surgery in the lower portion of the body
    probably many more*****.
    Your partner should love you enough to be considerate of your feelings and or wants and needs.
    Would a husband be so willing (and able) to accomadate his wife if the tables were turned?
    I did BTW ask for opinions as well as scripture.
    Christine
    Christine
     
  13. Johnv

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    I think we're missing something here. We're to take care of our bodies, as they're the temples of the Holy Spirit. That includes things like eating right, and getting proper rest. Now, if the husband has gone to bed because he has to get up early, and the wife tell his to get up and mow the lawn, we'd laugh. But if the wife goes to bed because she has to get up early, and at 11:30 the hubby "wants some", I don't see how that's very respectful of the hubby to ask at that time, and I don't see how that's respecting of the temple of the Holy Spirit.
     
  14. christine

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    If you respond and don't get an answer, don't be offended. The baby just woke up, so I gotta go.
    Have a good day.
    Christine [​IMG]
     
  15. dianetavegia

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    Well Johnv... if any wife 'tells' her husband to get up and cut the grass they've got bigger problems than sex! LOL

    Honestly, the wife would most probably let hubby know she's heading to bed because she has to get up early the next day. He'd get the hint and head down that way with her. Men are not all ogre's! And, hubby has awakened me many times in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep and I didn't die from lack of sleep! LOL

    Christine, sex late in pregnancy is a great labor starter! I highly recommended it to our daughter and son in law this week. Her baby is due Sunday.

    Diane

    Diane
     
  16. Jim1999

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    Methinks this topic would be better suited for the private members forum.

    Cheers,

    Jim
     
  17. Sherrie

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    I think it is very risky out here. I do not want my kids to see this.
    Christine why don't you ask moderator to move it to the womens private forum.
    Thanks
    Sherrie
     
  18. Johnv

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    BWAAA HAAA HAAA!!!! No arguement there. I think what it comes down to is that sex is also a communicative skill among spouses. It's important to learn how to communicate in this aspect of marriage just as it is to learn how to effectively verbally communicate. Even the word "intercourse" means "to engage in dialogue with". As with all things, no two people communicate alike. So, while one couple may be able to get the message with a "nudge and a wink", another may require a sledgehammer to the forehead. ;) Bottom line is, each marriage is different in this aspect.
     
  19. christine

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    I can do that Sherrie, I was alittle hestitant about starting it, because I wasn't sure how indepth people would get.
    I think it would be ashame for the men to be left out of this conversation. There is a private forum for members right?
    If so who is the moderator I would ask, this one or the one it's going to?
    Christine
     
  20. christine

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    I'm am sorry to anyone that has children that use this board. I did not realize that the children were not limited.
    I would not have started this thread had I know that minors could read it.
    I'm sorry.
    Christine
     

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