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Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by SaggyWoman, Jan 1, 2008.
Should the pastor's wife be obligated to be involved in the church her husband pastors at?
I think a ministers' wife should be a Christian and a member of the church. Her first priority should be her family, and her level of participation in church ministries should probably be on the level of the wives of the deacons or spouses of lay church leadership. I do not think she should be obligated to participate in any certain ministry.
That is pretty much how my wife is.
She is an angel in most cases. No one knows what the Pastor's wife has to endure.
"I was sick the other day and Bro. BoB didn't come by!!!!
No pastor's wife can possibly live up to everyone's expectations. On any given day the pastor's wife is expected to:
Answer the church phone if it rings at the parsonage
Keep the parsonage clean enough to eat off the floor
Serve as a phone directory for church members who forget/lose numbers
Serve as a taxi driver
Rear her kids to be perfect and sinnless
Keep her husband and children clean and well dressed at all times
Know every detail about what's going on at church
Smile even when she wants to commit homicide
Serve as a single parent while her husband studies, councels, etc.
Clean the church
and last but not least. . .PLAY THE PIANO!:laugh:
I'm sorry abcgrad.
I think a pastor's wife should have the same level of involvement as any other woman church member - whatever God leads her to have. I know that's an unrealistic expectation because of the pettiness of so many church members, but it's still what I'd like to see happen.
Good word, Thanks. I think the expectations of pastor's wives goes in 3 directions. Too many church members think she ought to be the unpaid staff member. But many pastors wives put unrealistic expectations on themselves and cannot possibly live up to them. The other problem is that many pastors act as if their wives are less than the most unfaithful church member by not calling when they're going to be late or not being a part of family life like a daughters recital or a son's ball game.
There is nothing worse than seeing a pastor treat his wife like crap. The man has no voice if he does this. He is a bottom dweller.
AND... sing alto!!
I have been a pastor for 30 years+. Nine years ago my wife had an operation at the hospital that went wrong and her heart was punctured. Her heart stopped and consequqntly she suffered brain damage from it. She is about 90% disabled. We have two daughters at home that are my right arm with mom. However this is something I struggle with all the time in my ministry. I am still a pastor but there is always someone that complains about not having a pastors wife. I sought advice from a lot of preachers on this and most told me a pastors wife should be as far in the background as possible. My wife and I had eight children. Three are deacons in Ind. Baptist churches, one is on the mission field with her family and one is an assistant pastor in a church in the south. The three still at home and one other son have a Gospel Bluegrass group and travel some but are faithful in our church. So, if my wife just sits in her wheel chair all day she is still accomplishing something for the Lord.
I hope your wife told them it was not your job to 'come by'.
Pastor's main responsibility is to study and feed the flock the Word of God. Deacons are hired to wait tables.
If a pastor has some free time on his hands and wants to visit someone, fine... but it is not a requirement.
I checked off that the pastor's wife should be a believer, should be a member at the church that they're at, that she should take care of her husband and children and that she should be involved in women's ministry. I take this from Titus 2:3-5 "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."
God has guidelines for what ALL women should be doing and that is what a pastor's wife should be doing too. I think she should also be involved as best as she is able in any of the ministries of the church using the Spirit's giftings to her. As I said, she should be involved in women's ministry but it doesn't have to be the "official" ministry if she's not able to do it. She needs to be teaching the younger women in some way, whether it be having a mother's helper in the house - a young teen who she can mentor - or asssisting Bible study, or doing SOMETHING to train the younger women. However, her priority is not the church - it's her family. However, given what the Scriptures say, she should also be open for hospitality (actually, it's the men who should be given to hospitality but this will involve his wife) - having people over and spending time with them. This doesn't have to be all the time and it doesn't always even need to be for a meal but to just get to know people and serve the Lord through serving them.
We have 9 pastor's wives in our church so we're not experiencing the difficulty that many pastor's wives do. But I know that those who have young children are involved less in the church just due to the fact that they have these children. The mom who has 6 kids who are homeschooled does very little other than helping her children's pastor husband do the Wednesday night program. But two of the pastor's wives who have grown children and now grandchildren are involved at the church full time in counseling and doing the women's ministry. They have spent their time raising their children and now are able to give the time to the church without neglecting their family. It's a delicate balance.
But I do not think that a pastor's wive automatically means that they should be doing all sorts of ministry in the church. It's too much and if they're not gifted by the Spirit in those areas - and are just not GOOD in those areas, they will be working out of their own strength and will burn out way too soon.
I don't think that's being unrealistic at all. You're absolutely correct.
Excellent words, Annsni.
You're so correct. FTR, my wife is the greatest woman in my life. I mean she has to put up with three children: our two kids and me.
Somehow, I'm in agreement with you.
Wow KJVkid. I cant imagine the issues you all face. Thats so sweet you are taking care of her.
I call my wife the unknown soldier. She is my partner in every way, yet it seems with church members she is overlooked unless my son is caught doing flips off the front pew. Then they see her!
By the way I gave my son an 8.5 because he did not stick his landing!
Other than being a professing Christian, a member of the same church and taking care of her wifely and motherly duties, a pastor's wife is not an ex-officio anything in a local church.
Your wife has accomplished much for the Lord, and anyone who thinks different has no idea what they are talking about! You and your family have now been added to my prayers.