Theologians answers to why the Chicken crossed the road.

Discussion in 'Clean Humor' started by HeirofSalvation, May 9, 2012.

  1. HeirofSalvation

    HeirofSalvation
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    Greg Boyd: It's a possibility that the chicken crossed the road.

    Rick Warren: The chicken was purpose driven.

    Mark Driscoll: The chicken crossed because of the rooster's leadership.

    Rachel Held Evans: We're talking about chickens here, not pigs.

    Pelagius: Because the chicken was able to.

    John Piper: God decreed the event to maximize his glory.

    Irenaeus: The glory of God is the chicken fully alive.

    C.S. Lewis: If a chicken finds itself with a desire that nothing on this side can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that it was created for the other side.

    Billy Graham: The chicken was surrendering all.

    Pluralist: The chicken took one of many equally valid roads.

    Universalist: All chickens cross the road.

    Annihilationist: The chicken was hit by a car and ceased to exist.

    Fred Phelps: God hates chickens.

    Martin Luther: The chicken was leaving Rome.

    Tim LaHaye: The chicken didn't want to be left behind.

    Harold Camping: Don't count your chickens until they've hatched.

    James White: I reject chicken centered eisegesis.

    John Wesley: The chicken's heart was strangely warmed.

    Thomas: I won't believe the chicken crossed unless I see it with my own eyes.

    Philip: The chicken teleported to the other side.

    Rob Bell: The chicken. Crossed the road. To get. Cool glasses.

    Joel Osteen: The chicken crossed the road to maximize his personal fulfillment so they he could be all that God created him to be.

    Creflo Dollar: God told the chicken that if he clucked, “That land across the road is mine!,” he could claim it. He crossed the road to take possession.

    Roger Olson: The chicken recognizes no clear evangelical boundaries.

    Peter: What chicken? What road? Never knew a chicken!! (rooster crows)

    Ezekiel: God revived those chicken bones and then they crossed the road.

    Paul: The chicken went to sleep and fell out the window only to be able to cross the road

    TD Jakes: A manifestation of the Chicken crossed the road for his blessings.

    Mark Driscoll: A “bleeping” chicken crossed the road to go get a beer.

    Jim Wallis: The poor chicken was fleeing fundamentalists.

    Gary Demar: The chicken was fleeing the destruction of Jerusalem in AD 70. That’s it.

    Jim Wallis: The chicken is an organizer for Occupy Barnyard.

    Emergent: For this chicken, its not the destination that’s important. Its the journey itself.

    Christian Pacifist: This is clearly an act of barnyard aggression that is condemned in the Sermon on the Mount.

    N.T. Wright: This act of the chicken, which would be unthinkable in British barnyards, reeks of that American individualism that is destructive to community.

    Al Mohler: When a chicken begins to think theologically, he has no other alternative but to come over to the Calvinist side.

    Bill Gaither: The chicken obviously saw something beautiful, something good, on the other side of the road.

    Freud: This whole exercise is obviously driven by chicken envy
     
  2. HeirofSalvation

    HeirofSalvation
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    I thought to add:

    William Lane Craig: With God's exhaustive "Middle Knowledge" He actuallized the perfect set of circumstances whereby a maximall number of chickens would freely choose to do so.

    can anyone else think of some?
     
  3. convicted1

    convicted1
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    Elijah: He told God that Col. Sanders had killed all other chickens, and he was alone, and he ran across the road to safety.

    Saul: He knew he was defeated, so he ran into the road, deliberately into the path of a car, and was killed. Subsequently, he didn't make it across the road, to the other side.

    Moses: He told God he couldn't cluck, so He sent a fellow rooster with him, and they crossed the road.

    Joshua: He and some fellow chickens went around the chicken coop seven times, and then CLUCKED real loud, causing it to fall flat. They then ran across the road.

    David: He saw another rooster's hen and wanted her. So he sent that rooster across the road, into the waiting hands of Col. Sanders, and he was killed. Subsequently, the first born bitty, or biddy, died.

    Joseph: He was sold into slavery, and several years later, he brought his family across the road.
     
  4. HeirofSalvation

    HeirofSalvation
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    these are great:laugh:

    Samson: He saw an attractive philistine hen and wanted her, so he crossed the street then she Plucked all his feathers! :eek:
     
  5. convicted1

    convicted1
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    Elijah: Col. Sanders told this chicken that he would kill him, even if all of his God's curses would fall upon him. This chicken got scared, and ran acorss the road.

    Eli: He found out that the Ark of the Covenant was taken by the enemy. He ran across the road, tripped and broke his neck, and "flopped" to death.

    Naaman: He sent a messenger to find Elijah. Elijah's messenger told Naaman's messenger for Naaman to dip himself three times in the creek and he would be healed of his feathers falling out due to mites. Naaman crossed the road, and after the seventh dip, he was completely cured.

    Saul/Paul: Got blinded by a light, and another chicken helped him across the road.
     
    #5 convicted1, May 23, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2012
  6. abcgrad94

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    Charles Darwin: Millions and millions of years ago, an egg evolved into a chicken and crossed the road.

    Bill Clinton: Whether or not the chicken crossed the road depends on the definition of the term "crossed."

    Obama: I have the HOPE that all drivers will CHANGE their driving habits so all chickens can safely cross the road.

    Calvinists: The chicken was predestined to cross the road.

    Arminians: That chicken crossed the road of his own free will.
     
  7. convicted1

    convicted1
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    Col. Sanders: He had a chicken put in prison. He was tricked, and had to send the chicken across the road, and his head was cut off. He was subsequently rolled in Col. Sanders secret recipe, deep fried, and sold in a bucket for $19.99. Eight biscuits, and two large sides came with him. :laugh:
     
  8. convicted1

    convicted1
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    David: He was challenged by a big stock rooster. He took a kernel of corn, slug it at him, and killed him. He cut his head off, and then went across the road.

    Thomas: He doubted he could cross the road. But he then saw that he could, so he did.

    Adam: A hen showed him an apple, and he saw a worm in it. He ate the worm, he realized he did the wrong thing, and ran across the road and hid himself.

    Lot: He was told that the chicken coop he was in was going to be destroyed. So he took his hen, and two chicks, and they ran across the road. His hen looked back, and was "salted".

    Noah, Shem, Ham, and Japheth: They ran across the road, built a BIG chicken coop, and waited on the rain.
     

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